Goin' Ape

Before I headed out of the house today I made a choice to wear my worn brown leather jacket and not my massive bubble jacket. It's a little cold this morning (it's actually 3:00 p.m., but I call it the morning because it's before NightClass!) as I am walking to St. Clair West station. I look over at this gaudy new convenience store "Big Bee" and think to myself, "man, wouldn't it be great if convenience stores sold alcohol?"

I go to class. The first class is frustrating and a little dull, the scond class is riveting as usual. Because of the weather, the prof lets us go a little early - just after 9:00 p.m. (he usually goes til 9:30 or so). I am thinking to myself, "Great, I'll make it to the LCBO before it closes at 10:00 and buy my beer for the weekend and have one tonight."

At St. Clair West I get out and go through the interior garden section of the Loblaw's towards the LCBO. I see these two sketchy guys directly in front of the LCBO's glass doors talking to each other. They look about 25 years old, but it's hard to tell. One's wearing a green jacket and the other guy's wearing a bright red jacket. They both look pretty trashed. The red jacket guy hands the green jacket guy money and says "I can't go in, they've already seen me." So I walk past them into the store over to the beer fridge. This yuppie couple comes in behind me, they're trying to pick a wine. I'm choosing out my beers when the green jacket guy comes over and asks me a question. I ask him to repeat. He's asking where something called Chelly's or Callie's is and I don't know. I pick my six tall boys and before I've gotten to the front counter I hear this:
"Get out of here."
"I was served 40 minutes ago."
"We saw you with him. Get out. Leave. You're banned from here."
There are two LCBO employees with their arms folded across their chest seeing to the green jacket man's departure. Well, they ring up my purchase and there's a 30 year old guy behind the counter and this small girl who's about my age. She says to her co-worker,
"He thought he'd get the girl alone - he came way too close to me."
I consider putting the beers in my backpack. But I don't want to bother with the hassle of stuffing them in my bag that's already got all these books in it. So I just carry out the bag.

In the Loblaw's section, there's the green jacket guy just walking slowly, talking to himself. I walk behind him a few paces, then I realize that there's no one else around but him and me. If he starts acting erratic, it would be unpleasent. So I decide to pass him - get away from him as fast as possible. I pass in front and start fastwalking and I notice he picks up his pace a little. A guy starts coming down the escalator perpendicular to me with a shopping cart and I speed up to put the man between me and green-jacket. But green jacket speeds up and clears him. I exit the building and decide to head over to the crowd waiting for the bus as quick as I can. Before I can get to the crowd I hear, "Hey," see the green-jacket guy in the corner of my eye and when I turn to face him, he's ripped the beer bag from my hand! I'm looking at him, clutching the ripped off plastic bag handle and I say, "C'mon. What the fuck?"
"I'm doing you a favour. I'm saving your liver."
"Come on."
"I'm saving you. I'm saving your liver."
I size him up and for a split second consider what a fight with this guy would involve if he did attack me. Then I spot his buddy, red-jacket is standing four feet over, looking at me. And he's fidgeting with something. It's just a glove.
Green Jacket shouts, "I'm saving your liver. I'm saving your liver," as he starts backing away. Red Jacket tells him "Shut up, let's go. Just go!" The two guys start dashing across the street.

I turn back in towards the LCBO. Walking, then running. The man and the girl who did my purchase are right behind the counter I run in, breathing heavily,
"Guess what just happened, I just got ripped off by those two fellas* who were just in here!"
I explained how the green jacket guy just ripped the bag straight out of my hand and noticed then, that I still had the ripped off plastic bag handle in my hand. They were shocked to hear that the guy just ripped it out of my hands, the girl said she'd never heard of anything like that. They debated about whether or not to call the police. They didn't. The staff agreed that those two fellas would never be allowed back at that location in any condition. I showed the girl my receipt and the LCBO gave me all the beer that had been nabbed from me! The girl asked to keep my receipt as evidence when the store security people come in for the weekend. As I left I realized that it was like 9:55 and if this had happened just a little later, I might never have been able to tell the staff.

So basically, I got my beer back and I didn't get harmed at all. It's a pretty good story. And I'm glad that I live in a neighbourhood in a city where this sort of thing is unusual. And I'm glad the LCBO exists. You think if I'd bought those beers at the Big Bee and went in they would've taken me seriously, let alone totally replace my beer without any hassle? I couldn't help but think that if I had been wearing my "tough" jacket, that sort of conceals my slimness, this might not have happened. It made me think about why young guys who are 'good kids' who live in bad neighbourhoods are apt to dress thugged-out. But I learned three "street smarts rules"
1) If you are behind a a crazy or sketchy person, stay behind. As soon as you pass them, they have the watching you advantage.
2) Keep your alcohol in your backpack.
3) If you are carrying a bag and you're walking parallel to a wall and you think someone is scheming on your shit, put the bag in the hand closest to the wall.
4) What I already knew - the most important rule - don't fuck with stupid, desperate sketchy people.

And on the busride home, I was like, maaan, I'm gonna BLOG about this.

* - I actually said fellas.

Labels: Beer, Jux, LCBO, Redman, Rules, Toronto

posted by Leo 11:37 PM // |

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

But when the jux go down...