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Saturday, October 15, 2005


This is why you join the press! 

Last night, me an' Neil hit up the opening night of the Second City's new show-- the first to be held in their new theatre-- The Second City Reloaded. It was fucken sweet.

We were schmoozing about the hubbub and hob-nobbing with all of Toronto's theatre cognoscenti. Also we ran into Dave "DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A FUCKING ANVIL IS" Real. Also EVERYTHING was FREE! Food! Booze! The Works! On the instruction of Mark "The Guiness Dude from Catch 23" Andratti, I ordered a double of Oban single-malt scotch. Click on the link. It will blow your motherfucking mind. (Edit: I can't seem to link directly to the page. Well, search "oban". It'll still blow your motherfucking etc.)

The show was excellent, too. It starred Derek "Shirtless Rapper" Flores, among others, and was pretty damn hilarious. In a fantastic moment, they created a scene where a dude was riding in a Hummer with a nympho, a gas station attendant who ejaculates oil, an armless Iraqi, panting like a dog with his head out the window, and Ares, god of war, hurling lightning bolts and raping the corpse of Mother Earth (shot to death). Pretty wicked. All thanks to free tix from Excal.

Now I'm writing an article about it! I think it sounds pretty professional. If it were for Mondo, I'd probably just write about all the free liquor, and the rumours of bathroom cocaine (unsubstantiated).


Video Poker is the Devil 

Last night Devon, Ryan and I went to Casino Rama. This was a trip organized by our friend Jenn and the Trent Business Students Association. For $10 we got coach bus to the casino and dinner. I'd never been to a casino so it was sensory overload when I first walked in. The lights, the continuous noise from the machines and especially the smoke all hit you like a wall as you enter.

The first thing I noticed was the huge about of old people, the average age was about 65. I just don't understand the attraction for seniors. I suppose they have disposable income and time, but I know that if I had money and time I'd rather spend it with my friends and family, instead of alone in front of a slot machine sucking nicotine and tar.

Anyway, the dinner buffet was good, we gorged. I lost $25 to the devilish vido poker machines. On the bus we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark and Meet the Fockers, which I think I'd seen in theatres with various members of the Ape community, probably something we snuck into.

I find that listening to Tchaikovsky, Copland and Vivaldi helps me write essays, maybe because it makes me feel smarter and more sophisticated.


Ancestral Recall 

I'm still alive!

Yeah, I know i aten't posted in a while, so I'm here to make it up to you with unusually poignant material (you could say that I do very little "Goin' Ape" at all in this post)

So over the tanksgiving 'olidays, my family recieved, from other branches of my extended family, a book of poems entitled "The White Rose and the Red". Normally, this isn't the thing my family does, however in this case the poems had an added signifigance as they were all written (but not published at all) by my great grandmother, Marion Powers Linton, in the years approximately from the late 1920's to her death in 1972. To me, this merits a blog entry on account of I never really felt much of a connection with my anscestors on that side of my family before (buncha farm-tending gaelic-speakers), so it's very engaging to me. I mean, this woman is essentially an eighth of who I am, right? So, although it is contrary to everything that "Goin' Ape" stans for (reprimand me later if you must), I woul like to share one of the poems that I found within this anthology:

Comparison 1950
"A falling bomb is like a flower unfolding",
So spoke Benito's son,
And blasphemed with perverted simile
The work of every son of Italy
Who ever nurtured Beauty,
From Michaelangelo
Down to the lowliest brother
Who tends his monastery garden
And sees his Lord
In every opening rose.

So I don't know, is my judgement coloured by blood? I like it well fine.

...

Okay, now for more Apely events.

I am attening the Sex Without Souls CD release concert this Wednesday at 9 PM, Clinton's Tavern. Anyone wanna come? Be advised that I'm not sure if you'll be able to get in, as I bought my ticket in advance. Still, if ya can't, it's not far to the Green Room, and i could join you after the show maybe perchance?

My comic's up on the excal website, too. I'd link to it but I just had three beers so I ain't in a linking mood (this also explains any misspelling in this entry, although I think I've been pretty good about not making those). The site is www.excal.on.ca. Stay tuned next week as well, when Punster meets Neitzche!

...aaaaand I'm done.

Friday, October 14, 2005


what's my knowledge? 

Had an exam on Wednesday, have an essay due Monday, have been working on composing this crazy piece of heartbeat music for my choreography project, and have been doing odd jobs for the business side of it all. That's school for you.

Persian Dance: We have had a hardcore discussion about the company, and Natalie (original soloist with Sashar Zarif Dance Theatre and solo dancer for my choreography project! Come see York Dances this year!!! Nov. 23rd-25th, I think) and I are sharing costume duties from now on and on tour-----which we also discussed. It's definately looking like a viable thing right now... and the best part is our flight and accommodations are covered for our stay in Germany and possibly Spain. Plus we'll get a 20$ "perdiem" (per day? I'm assuming..) thing to cover some foodies during the day... we're not getting paid, but we're getting a free trip to Germany basically and we get to dance. Let's not jinx it tho.... but that's super exciting. ALSO, Heather is Rehearsal Director, and Ivana is a Scheduling momma. I'm slightly nervous about people bossing people around, but whatever. It almost makes it harder that they're such close friends to me. Oh well. That's life. People are blood thirsty for power.

School is definately getting hectic, and I fear I'm falling behind... I have to research lordosis, russian fairy tales, type letters to bursary committees and email bios, renew monologue books and return cds to smil... everything I don't do today gets pushed to tomorrow and that's even worse cause by the time I get through tomorrow's list I'll NEVER get out of the library.


Today I took drugs from a stranger 

I've had this annoying cough for a while. In fact you might call me a cough man (sorry). I was coughing in class and apologized to the person sitting next to me. She said it was no problem, said she had a cough herself and offered me some pills that she had been taking for it. I didn't want to be rude, so I swallowed them. If I die of poisoning, blame the girl in the green sweater.

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. I think the basic idea behind it is pretty neat, you are forgiven for all your sins against God (blaphemy, talking to a woman when it's her period etc). But for sins against people you have to get their forgiveness. I like that message, if you do bad things to people, God's not going to bail you out. What's not fun is the fasting, just because I get irretible when I'm hungry. The service had a lot of little things that annoyed me, including one woman who sang a bunch of orginal songs (which were terrible) and traditional ones (which she did a really shitty job on). Because of flaky stuff like this the service ran overlong (about half an hour past sundown) which means eating was prolonged past sundown by the equivelent amount. Oh well.

Anyway, I found something I wanted to pick at in the Book of Jonah. To summerize it God tells Jonah that he must go to Nineveh and tell them they'll be destroyed cause of their wickedness. Instead Jonah flees on a ship, God causes a storm, the sailors throw him overboard and God has him swallowed by a big fish (not a whale, because they're not fish. Probably one of these). Then he gets spit out goes to Nineveh and preaches it'll be destroyed. At which point Nineveh repents and God spares the city. Jonah is pissed (because he wanted to see sinners get blowed up and such) and goes off to sulk in the desert:
6: And the LORD God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd.
7: But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.
8: And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live.
9: And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.
10: Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:
11: And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand
[i.e. 120,000 children]; and also much cattle?.
-Jonah 4:6-11 KJV
Two things.
1. Jonah? Fish? Worms? Jeez, are all the angels on vacation?
2. God is being delibretely obtuse here. His argument is, "Well you cared about this plant that you didn't even raise, shouldn't I care about this giant metropolis." But Jonah doesn't like the plant because of its character, he likes it because it protected him from the sun and would've saved him from the brutal elements God unleashed against Jonah. He's not pitying the gourd, he's upset he doesn't have any more shade.

Lastly here is US Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers' blog. I just want this website to move up in the google ranking.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


You know, that song... 

I just spent a couple of hours searching the interweeb for the title of a particular Nirvana song. I couldn't remember what it was called or what it sounded like. Randomly downloading songs off of Limewire was getting me no-where. Now I have a couple dozen Nirvana songs downloaded that I don't even like. I'm too lazy to delete them. I eventually remembered what some of the lyrics were, and I was able to find out the title that way. It was "The Man Who Sold the World", originally by David Bowie. Why did I go to all this trouble to find that one song? Well, I was grocery shopping earlier today and I heard the song being broadcast over the intercom thingie and I was like "Who the fuck is that? Why do I know this song?" etc. Eventually it clicked: "Oh fuck, Kurt Cobain! WTF, that's not Kurt Cobain singing tho... is that Kelly Clarkson covering a Kurt Cobain song??" Apparently it's not Kelly Clarkson, but likely the American Idol-esque live cover by Jordis Unga on Rockstar INXS. So this chick is covering a song by a band whose lead singer killed himself, so that she could fill the vacancy in another band made by their lead singer who also killed himself. I didn't actually watch the show. I wonder if this was like some sort of theme night? Covering songs by bands whose lead singers killed themselves.

I was listening to The Ongoing History of New Music with Alan Cross all this past weekend. That's where I heard the Nirvana song that I liked. My Managing Editor at Excalibur has an uber crush on Alan Cross. She did an interview with him because his show was airing it's 500th episode this past weekend. Crazyness.

Party this weekend. Saturday. All must come. E-mail me for more details. cb_hale@hotmail.com. Be there or be a triangle.

Later skaterz.


Greetings! 

Finally, I will post. Hopefully this will appease His Lordship Ben.

I wrote this in August, as an end-of-summer tribute sotospeak to so many special moments, and as a gesture of my most sincerest fondness and affection for you all. Since such sentiments persist despite the cold weather, here it is:

Ben: Best railway-exploration/creepy baby-handle-head narrative.

Alex: Most effective at being tall; proficience with rum/fire breathing is commendable; co-winner of aforementioned railway exploits.

Sam: Most amusing drunk. Also, one time we bought a pie together. We'll always share that special bond.

Neil: Most entertaining portrayal of foreign dealer in human commodities. (Parenthetically, you all have been raised immeasurably in my esteem as a result of this movie. It truly made me happy, and has achieved a permanent spot on my "Things that make the world a better place" list.) Also, one time I was at Neil's house and we ate pie; we'll always share that special bond.

Jacob: Most docile cat (Oscar is the best thing ever); marked lack of vocal volume moderation (esp. when drunk).

Matt: Best Astroboy wallet. And he has turtles. You can't go wrong with turtles. Additionally, best porch to mistakenly assume you're sleeping on.

Leo: Most hostile towards "The Committee". Oh, how everyone loved The Committee.

Beauregard: Best stuffed, formerly animate being. Most likely to be enshrined and worshipped as a deity in some future civilization. Least likely to bake me a pie.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Long time no post. 

So I managed to staple my sweater to a pile of paper a few minutes ago. That is definitley the most interesting thing I've done all day, it's been pretty slow at work recently. This is my last week right now, and as of Friday I'm out of a job. Also on Friday is my birthday! Huzzah for me! I got some presents early from my family (since everyone was around for thanksgiving dinner, which was awesome)
so now I have Firefly on DVD and an iPod nano. It is tiny, miniscule if you will.

Since friday is my birthday I think there should be a party. I'm not really sure where, or what, but there should be something.


Capture the Inner Che 

This weekend is the Lady Eaton College Fall weekend, when alumni come back and we have a weekend of fun activities, I think they hand out academic awards for the previous year. This year I wanted to run Capture the Flag so I proposed the idea to my friends Rachel and Karen who are the college president and vice-president respectively, they loved the idea right away. The college athletic rep approached the reps from Champlain, our neighbour college, they also wanted to get involved.

Capture the Flag has been scheduled for Saturday night, so we needed to use glo-sticks of different colours to identify the teams in the dark. The trouble is finding glo-stick wrist bands for maybe 75-100 people. I really hope this goes well, I'd like to use this event as a testing ground for future CTF games.

Tonite we started the inner-tube waterpolo intramural league season. We're team Slippery Sea Ponies. Tonite we played against last years champs, I got our our only goal and allowed none during the half the game that I spent as goaltender. Despite my heroic effort we still lost.

My birthday was on saturday. My sister got my Talib Kweli's great album Quality. My parents got me a Che Guevara shirt with "RESIST OPPRESSION" under his picture, they got it at Winners no less. While this is still an admirable sentiment my historic and well documented dislike for these shirts makes wearing the shirt difficult . I toyed with the idea of writing "WHO SAYS VIOLENCE DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING?" on a piece of masking tape and putting that across the back.

Note: Yo, I did some research and found out that Ernesto "Che" Guevara was executed by Bolivian troops while leading rebels in that country on October 8, 1967. Too weird. I wonder if my parents knew that when they got the shirt.

Monday, October 10, 2005


back-to-school poem. 

we have school tomorrow

but not thursday.
hey guys, if I have a new picture how do I make that happen? I got headshots done recently and there are a few of them with glaze-y eyes. Plus I don't have hair anymore.


Happy Hank Skivin 

Somebody should break this 3 day awkward silence!
I know I have been having a ball. My sisther got in lasth night from Algonquin, so that was a merry good time. Upon home reunions, we always resort to our own personal crack rock - Dr. Mario - and this weekend was no different.
Hank Skivin dinner was last night over here with the Churrasco Chicanery. (www.churrasco.net) Mmm, mmm good!
Coming soon on my webpage (leomoncel.tripod.com) is WhiteBox's best comic ever. It cost him two hours and nearly cost him a poker game. It is a true story. From the future.

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a gorilla with no superego.