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Saturday, March 11, 2006



ELATED! 

What a fantastic day! The weather is gorgeous and I have a brief respite from the deluge of schoowork that threatens to consume my soul.

Reasons today is awesome (in no particular order):
-Kate and I are going out for dinner tonite
-Her father is paying for it
-I am outside enjoying the sun (I'm on a friend laptop)
-I am watching all the ickle kidsters take their March Break campus tours
-Realizing that I am 1 month from holidays and 13 months from graduation
-I won a free Mars Bar

In addition, I am writing several wicked smaht essays that allow me to express my most conspiratorial, schitzophrenic thoughts on the Soviet-Afghan War and the Russian Civil War.

Yesterday we had another well attended meeting of the Trent NDP. We are hosting a movie night at the indie cinema in town, where we will be screening The Revelution Will Not be Televised, about the 2002 American-sponsored coup attempt against Hugo Chavez. We will also have a Marxist speaker and UBC union organizer.

I am leading the planning for the quer friendly spring fling which we have dubbed Pretty in Pink. We've reserved a space and have started advertising. We have also designed our Tommy Douglas T-shirts and found a local printshop to porduce them for us. March 18 is the day of the international peace protest, I'm going with our contingent to the protest ion Toronto. I better see y'all there.

Friday, March 10, 2006


Jebus! 

Well, I have a test in 2 hours that I should have studied for last night instead of drinking and going to the Cuff the Duke concert. It was pretty good though, so no regrets. Damn I hate Westphalia. See, before 1648 you knew where it was at, the protestants vs. the catholics. But after it's all balance of power shit, so they're fighting wars like it's some kind of game and it's so hard to remember. So here's the rest of the 17th century after Westphalia (and remember this is an English history course so I'm only dealing with that):
The English fight the Dutch
The English and the French fight the Spanish
The English fight the Dutch and the French
The English and the Dutch fight the French
The French and the English fight the Dutch
The English and the Dutch fight the French

During this period the Spanish are allying, fighting with and giving tacit support to all manner of these guys and also the Portuguese and the Germans and the Sweedes [!] are invovled. And most of that takes place in the first 25 years after Westphalia. Gah! Well, whatever else happens I know who Martin Luther King Jr. is. So that's something!

Also, you can see Matt Yglesias decked out in hipster glasses and facial hair here talking about the issues of the day. Higher voice than I pictured.


When did I become such a crusty old scrooge? 

I went to see Of Montreal on Wednesday, and the Mod Club was totally overrun by ickle teens who couldn't dance, but still bore their sharpened elbows from their service as former Hanson/Xtina/whatever fans and a will to jump up and down for whatever fucking reason. As I grumped and groaned about this to the incomparably fabulous Jonna, compu-pal and possible artistic collaborator Phil and his two friendly + pretty indiegirl acquaintences Jess and Amelia, I realised I had turned into a total scrooge w/ regards to chump chirrens circa sixteen years of age (and especially those who plug up the front of the stage area where I want to stand). It hasn't been so long since I was one of them; what is it that makes me resent them so? Hell, I proudly bore my facial hair and lit cigarette in bars and clubs, thinkin' I was soooo cooooool, stealing seatspace sanctioned for more annum-endowed audiences. Maybe it's those embarrasking memories that make me despise them so. Maybe.

I have an installation coming up! None of you are like to see it unless you go to Rosedale or Forest Hill or Queen or wherever I end up drawing it, but I'll be documenting. Basically, I've been doing this project looking at "communities" of addiction, and comparing those traditionally constructed as such (heroin, crack, etc.) to those that I identify as addictions, and firstly problematising the idea that the former really constitute communities, or if they are constructed as such in opposition to the so-called norm, and secondly, implicating the latter in a discourse of harmful addictions. I'm going to write and draw the results of my research all over the ground in affluent neighbourhoods. It's gonna rock. There'll be a presentation that includes it on the 22nd, somewhere about 5-7 pm as part of the accolade project. Cool, eh? You should go, cause I can't. Going to go see the National.

I'm having a hard time finishing homework. I have several things past due. I really need to get some fear of the L--D in me before I go to student hell or something. (Academic Probation?)

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Excali-post 

Well, I done it! I have hereby cast my figurative hat into the race for the title of the Excalibur's next Graphics Coordinator!

I was hoping I'd be running unoposed, but no. Apparently, Matt Hotson and Nathan Goold also want my rightful job. Oh dear. If anyone, I was hoping to run against Mike Edmund. I have no doubts that I could beat Mike Edmund.

Oh well, It's gonna be a tight race (hopefully). Wish me luck, y'all. Especially Colleen. Her luck-wishes mean more than the rest of yours in this context.

In other news, congrats to Colleen on being nominated for Arts Editor. Reach for the Stars!


The Children are the Future... 

...and the world is in trouble.

Yesterday I was scheduled to teach part of the unit on Leadership to some of our sea cadets. I was all prepared and ready to get my teach on. Only one cadets from my class showed up and he was tasked to set up the air rifle range. Eventually we found a classroom and covered the characteristics of a leader. I had cut out pictures of various leaders to use as good and bad examples. I had:

-George W Bush
-Stephen Harper
-Paul Martin
-Margaret Thatcher
-Queen Elizabeth I
-Martin Luther King Jr
-Adrienne Clarkson
-Adoph Hitler
-Senator General (ret'd) Romeo Dallaire
-General Rick Hillier (Canadian Chief of Defence Staff)
-Horatio Nelson (British naval hero, defeated combined French and Spanish fleet at Battle of Trafalgar, 1805. He was included on the off chance any of the cadets could identify him)

Of that list the only people he was able to identify properly were GWB, the Queen and Hitler. Since the Queen is really just a figurehead, we spent the most time discussing GWB and Hitler and came to the conclusion that Hitler had better leadership skills. Or that might have just been my contemporary bias against GWB.

It bothered me that a grade nine student wasn't able to identify Martin Luther King Jr more that it bothered me that he couldn't identify our past and present Prime Ministers. My initial reaction was "What is wrong with this kid?! How does he NOT know about one of the most famous and influential individuals of the 20th century?!". Then I realized that history is so poorly taught in the Ontario curriculum that it leaves out the history of the civil rights movement.

Does anyone else find it troublesome that a grade 9 student couldn't identify MLK, the last governor general, the last prime minister and the current PM? Or am I just an overzealous history geek holding other people to an illogically high standard?



Tuesday, March 07, 2006


If goths have taught me anything 

...it's that suicide obviously rocks.

Awesome ways to kill yourself?

-Buy two new toys: a helicopter and a trampoline. Play with them simultaneously.
-Marry Courtney Love.
-Fuck a praying mantis.
-Meet a German cannibal on the internet.
-Fire yourself out of a torpedo bay.
-Chomp down on your cyanide tooth while your nemesis is close enough to breathe on.
-Razor sharp Krusty-O.
-Hijack an airplane, crash it into a centre of world trade.

"But moooooooom! All the cool kids at school do it!"
"If your friends told you told you to jump off a-- well, nevermind."

Life is crazy and hectic, so much work, I have an essay due tomorrow, I forgot that that assignment existed, oh shit. I shouldn't even be here. Especially since I'm going to see Of Montreal tomorrow. Cause that's a great idea, when you've up to your fucking ears in homework.

Hells, whatever. I'm seeing that show.

Sunday sunday sunday. Metro hall! Metro Hall! Metro Hall! Panasonic discman. Panasonic discman. Panasonic discman. Um, Artists Against War (me an' some peeps) are doin' our festival. ONE BIG KNOW! is what it's called. Come! It's free! 1pm, Metro Hall is accessible via St. Andrew Station. Also, next (as opposed to this) weekend is our friendly neighbourhood INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PROTEST AGAINST THE IRAQ WAR. Come out and add your voices. 1pm also, out front of the US Consolate (Dundas and University). Come on, we've done it before.


Blank 

This one is called the Poker, this one is called the Scraper, and this happy little fellow is the Gouger.

Urgh. Went to the dentist today to get a filling re-touched. Apparently there was still decay underneath the old filling. Now I can't feel half of my face. Damn you, Dr. Bourgeois!

Anyways, coold deaths, eh? I got a few.
-Pay thugs to gun you down in a public place. Then everyone who sees it'll have a story to tell.
-Steal a cop's gun when they're not looking, then let nature do the rest.
-Have a safe/piano/anvil dropped on you from a great height. Get a bunch of children to watch, telling them that you're "going to be just like cartoons".


Three Six Mafia: 1 - Martin Scorcese: 0 

The Academy Awards have never held much significance for me because in the past I haven't seen many of the nominated films. And yet, for some reason I usually end up watching at least part of the televised, glamourized circle-jerk.

Jon Stewart did a really good job but he looked a little uncomfortable at times, as if his Daily Show shtick didn't translate to the much larger and older audience of the Kodak theatre.

Oh yeah I built a time machine. It's set for October 8, 1992, my 7th birthday. It's pretty cool, I'm not bragging or anything.

Kate and I celebrated 6 months together on Saturday, even though neither of us realized it at the time.

My aunt Anne gave birth to her 3rd child over the weekend, all boys. His name is Samuel Jefferies. Now she has boys named Sam, Ben and Leo, a trifecta!

Ryan and I spent sunday morning barricading Devon in his room using living room furniture before he woke up from his hangover. He only woke up once we turned the nature music channel to full volume. Damn squawky birds.

Okay cool ways to die:

-Making a gallant last stand against a horde of Zulu, Afghan or Martian warriors, with the Union Jack and the regimental colours tied around me.
-Some awesome death that gets made into an episode of CSI.
-Slitting your wrists and bleeding all over the queen.
-Free falling from the edge of the atmosphere, I'm pretty sure you'd lose consciousness before impact.
-Riding a nuke, Dr. Strangelove style.
-being encased in Jell-o
-Building a time machine (see above) and going back 65 million years to see what really killed the dinosaurs.

EDIT: I think I saw Kurt Smeaton of Catch 23 fame in a TV ad for CitiBank. Can anyone confirm this?

Monday, March 06, 2006


Cool ways to die 

Hey, I hate to double-post but I have a question to pose to all of you. What are some really cool/funny ways to kill yourself/die? I'm making a zine in one of my classes about suicide. One of the articles we're planning on using is a list of cool ways to kill yourself, and a list of reasons to kill yourself. The aim is to be funny and subversive.

Right now some of the things on the list are:
- Enter the running of the bulls and conveniently forget to run.
- Build an escalator in the middle of a field that only goes up.
- Take raw meat baths (or cocaine baths?) for a week, and then visit a police attack dog training session.
- Use a plug-in vibrator in the bath – at least you’ll go with a smile on your face!
- Chased off a cliff by a team of topless female gladiators (thanks Monty Python)
- Take a sunbathing vacation in Kabul.
- Trade an IOU for a box of girl-guide cookies, and never pay them back. Those little sprites can be pretty vicious.
- Enter yourself and your Pinto into a monster truck rally.
- Running with a rabid squirrel clenched in your fist.
- Pull a Van Gogh – cut off your ear and give it to your lover. That way you can be considered a real “artist” after you bleed to death.
- Fill your pool with melted milk chocolate and take a swim. Literally death by chocolate.
- When your car won’t start because of the cold Canadian weather, light a fire under the engine to warm it up, and make sure to stick around to make sure the flame doesn't die.
- Play the role of Claudius in a production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and replace the fake knife with a real one.
- Stand in the middle of a field during a rainstorm holding a copper pipe.

... ya. Some of them may need a little work, so if you have any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it!

Sunday, March 05, 2006


ROBBED!!! 

Ack! Did I ever not see "Crash" winning Best Picture Oscar coming. As good as it was, and as nice as it is that Canadian director/writer Paul Haggis helmed it, it really wasn't the same calibre of movie that "Brokeback Mountain", or even "Capote", was. That's a major upset for me...

On the bright side, I thought John Stewart was great! That guy is just plain funny shit.

None of you know this, but I was actually just in L.A. for four days for an American journalism conference. I have tonnes of pictures of the red carpet covered in plastic. The trip was lots of fun tho. I've never flown before so the plane ride was a bit scary at first (my friends kept trying to convince me that the little ping noise that's ment to call the stewardess really meant that there was something wrong with the plane) but I got over it.



Anyway, there's too much going on with my life to blog it. If you're interested you'll actually have to talk to me, possibly even in person - you never know.

Collers
Out.

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a gorilla with no superego.