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Thursday, December 23, 2004


President Rex 

I went to do a Holiday job today of shovelling snow for a family friend. Whilst there I got recruited by her neighbour to do some shovelling for her. She gave me twelve dollars in advance. She was a bit of a perfectionist so she brought me a cleaver to chop up the ice. It was sort of fun. She told me I could work at a Chinese restaurant now.

Then I came home and ran into jacob who seemed to have no idea what was happening or where he was going; he just knew he had to move fast. I'll let him explain the rest.

Also, I came up with a concept for a children's movie. It's called President Rex. The president, the vice president and the entire first family are involved in a plane crash and they all go into comas. So, naturally, Rex, the family's faithful and unusually intelligent German Shepherd is next in line for the job. At first it's all fun and games as he invites other dogs to the White House, etc... but soon certain villains in Congress and Senate start doubting the canine's ability to govern. So then he passes some hard hitting legislation and meets with foreign diplomats and does a really good job as president. Finally, the first family wakes up out of their comas and discovers what a great job Rex has done. He goes back to faithful pet status but with more respect now.
Rex has the ability to bark morse code in several languages and write with a pen.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


Back in TO 

Well I'm back in Toronto. I think I've lost a good deal of weight at university (certainly not from exercising, so it was probably from lack of eating). It was a really nice surprise to come back and be able to fit into all my pants. Maybe I've misjudged all those anorexics.

I got home on tuesday the day after my stats exam. I didn't wear a bathrobe to it but perhaps I should have because it would've helped with the copious tears being shed afterwards. Maybe I'm a bad person, but that heartened me. If a lot of people had a bad exam, that means maybe it'll get belled up. The night before, I was studying at the library. Now, your mind wanders after 3 hours of stats so it's possible I started mishearing things. Still, I was sure that I heard the faint sound of the two girls who were studying behind me kissing and one muttering "God, I'm so horny". It seems impausible, I mean I'm right there. Of course I was buried in a stats book at the time.

Anyway: Look Sir, Droids

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Oh civilization, how I've missed thee! 

So I'M BACK! Thats right I have returned and now you must all deal with me! Also what I forgot ot mention in my post this morning was that I wore a bathrobe to my exam. Ok, gonna put up the christmas tree now.


Wow. Wild (for the) Night. 

My liver hurts. I can feel it. It's making vague threats to quit on me and join a body where it's treated better. Ugh. I don't think I'm drinking for the next little while. This is really rather unsettling.

But I'm not hungover. Beer is so great.

So, as I mentioned, I got the new Mos Def album (The New Danger) and Immortal Technique (Revolutionary v2). Both excellent, tho Leo prolly won't like the Mos Def so much, on account of it bein' not-quite-hip-hop, but it's still good. Also the production on Tech's album is a little iffy. Some of it is pretty good, some not so much. There's actually a very heartfelt second-last track with Jean Grae on the hook, but it's made kind of funny by the way that even amid his love story, he's so macho and hip hop that he can have sex with tons of girls. Oh Tech. You wacky guy.

Also my new mitts rock.


Dead and Burried! 

Woo! So I just finished my last exam. It started at 9am, I didn't go to bed till 345, and I it took me forever to fall asleep, and oh yeah, I didn't do a SCRAP of studying. I killed it. I'm very happy and relived. Also I have a horrible stomach ache, but I am done!

So I'm coming home tonight but probably can't do anything till Thursday, sorry guys. I'll try to see what I'm up to though, maybe something before then I dunno. But yeah I gotta see everyone over the break and we have to nerd it up. Matt I want to play more of that Godzilla game, also he should do a zombies fest, between Matt and I we have all the actual sets. It could be fun. It WILL be fun! Also I cannot wait till new years that will be so awesome! So very very awesome. So I'll see you all soon, lets have some craziness over the break!

Monday, December 20, 2004


Guess Who's Biz-ack! 

Hey hey hey!

I got back from Mexico last night. Good times. So much to talk about. I had to fly to Mazatlan stopping over in Houston. I don't know how many of you know what the airport in Houston is called. George Bush Int'l. Yep, one-term Bush got his own airport. Despite all the sun, you're flying into the heart of darkness. I got to try the real American customs. They have two queues (as we Brits say) - one for American Citizens and one for Others. The queue for Americans had a man wearing a Santa hat and reminding people how wonderful it was to be back in the good ol' US of A. The other queue was six times longer and full of grumpy people from every country in the world. They don't give you too hard a time if you're a Canadian though. But the fun part comes when they put you through the metal detector. I had to take off my shoes in case I was hiding a fuse!

Mexico is a very nice place. The people are generally in good spirits and there are children everywhere. I think all those kids keep everyone cheerful. So maybe those wacky Catholics were right all along. Have a ton of kids and live in sunny countries and you'll always be happy.

What's cooler than climbing a mountain? Drinking three beers and then climbing a mountian! Ya! They have these boat tours where you go around in the morning and you drink as much as you can. I didn't start drinking until the very end though, because drinking + rough seas = no good. Anyways, we were right in position to climb this small mountain/big hill after the boat tour so we did it. It was awesome. Great view etc.

Also, I got my dad to go ocean kayaking. He was very reluctant at first but it ended up being a good time.

Awesome story. I'm sitting on a tourist shuttle bus and I'm beside this old lady. She turns to me and asks, "Have you ever had a Magnum Ice Cream bar?"
"No."
"You can't find them in the United States, but they're very good. You should try one."
"Okay."
She tells me she's from Arizona, I remind her of her grandson because I'm "tall and thin" and her daughter is some high-up at Lockheed Martin. I say, "Oh, they do -" (trying not to say WMD) "-defence"
"Good boy!" she applauds my knowledge and slaps my knee. She does this again when I recall that she's from Arizona. I tell her I'm in Film and she tells me, "Always follow your dreams. And this is the most important thing-" She pulls me closer and her voice drops to a near whisper as she speaks into my ear, "-Love God." I stand up and nod awkwardly. The ride has come to an end.

Finally, I must tell you that I intend to see two films that are coming out on Christmas day.
1) The Life Aquatic
2) Fat Albert
And this, my friends has been a Blog Novel that would make Jacob call up Tolstoy so they could talk about the need for brevity.

Sunday, December 19, 2004


I am Fucked 

Really fucked. And not the good kind of fucked, like with a girl (or uh a guy if you're into that kind of thing). My stats exam is tommorrow and I probably am less prepared for it than any other exam. Here are some things I have done instead of studying (Bear in mind this was the weekend where it was all supposed to gel together):
Started making a music video for "Want You Bad by The Offspring.
Watched some Seinfeld (I have the dvd)
Gone out drinking
Made stupid calls to people while drunk
Watched some more Seinfeld
Started trying to sell my surplus chicken soup on the internet (I'm a businessman!)
Watched Shaun of the Dead (very funny!)
Had a so-called study session that pretty much consisted of making jokes about my meth habit (I don't have a meth habit. Yet.)
Watched yet more Seinfeld
Started writing this on Ape.

Maybe the stats fairy will come down during the exam and grant me knowledge of statistics. Or maybe it'll be a repeat of my first stats midterm, where I had no idea what I was doing but managed to score an okay mark by matching appropriate sounding formulae to the question and doing the math. But probably not.

At least my econ exam went okay (cept for the last question). The one problem with this bitchy proctor.
Me: [holds up paper]
Proctor [approaching]: Yes?
Me: Can I have some scrap paper please?
Proctor: No.
Me [confused]: No?
Proctor [firmly]: No.
Me: Look, it says right here 'scrap paper will be provided upon request'.
Proctor: We're not allowed to give scrap paper out.
Me: But I'm requesting it! It says it'll be provided.
Proctor: You can use the back of your paper.

Grrr. At least the Chanukah party at Aaron's I went to in lieu of studying for that exam was fun (and we made a happy birthday call to Atly as well).

Oh and here's an for a movie: The Passion Of The Claus. It'd be exactly like the Mel Gibson one, only with Santa instead of Jesus. You'd start off with Santa having dinner with his elves, one betrays him, then there's several hours of Santa being scourged, beaten and finally crucified. The kids'll love it!

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a gorilla with no superego.