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Saturday, April 17, 2004


The Art of the Amaretto Sour 

The Amaretto Sour is not a 'girly' drink. 'Girly' drinks are sweet and cloying. The Amaretto Sour is an upscale drink. It's classy. There's a difference.

The key to the perfect Amaretto Sour is the Sour mixture. This is unfortunately most often neglected by half-ass lazy buttfuck bartenders. 7-fucking-Up and amaretto does NOT make an Amaretto Sour, no matter how much lemon juice you infuse it with.

The Sour Mixture should be prepared first, to the following specifications:
  • 5 parts sugar

  • 4 parts water

  • 2 parts lemon juice

You should then add 2 egg whites per litre or so of Sour Mixture.

The Amaretto Sour itself should be made as such:
  • 1 part Amaretto (Disaronna is best)
  • 2 parts Sour Mixture
Shake it well. Devour the deliciousness.

If that is too tart for you, bump up the sugar content a bit. 3 parts sugar to two water to one lemon juice. But I like mine more tart.

This recipe was learned from the awesome folks at The Green Room. Props to them.

In other news I have the complete (so far as I can tell) discography of the Pixies. Ninety-One songs. Four hours. That's a lot of late 80's alt rock. Fuckin' sweet.


Amaretto Sour Saturday... 

Hey All!

I'm in this wonderful transition period between my 5th exam (which was at 9 am this morning) and my final exam, which is coming up on thursday. Needless to say, there will be drinking tonight. And hopefully much of it. It's sad, tonight has been the light at the end of the tunnel for some time now...and what a wonderfully brown, cherry flavoured light it is. We're going out in style.

It may be a girlie drink, but Amaretto Sours are BY FAR the best thing I've ever tasted in my LIFE. I'm forever indebted to Ben (our Ben -- yes. Our.) for giving me further reason to drink (being social/in rez/bored in Waterloo just doesn't cut it anymore. I could go running). Alcohol finally tastes good. A bit of sweet, a bit of tang, and one hella smooth finish. If anyone has any good recipes for making them (I've seen millions) I'd be grateful if you threw them up here by 9ish :D

On another note, half my room has been packed up and is currently on the road back to Toronto. And I've just realized that my chemistry lab book is with it all. Fuck. Oh well, I'll go bug Aleem for his. What I was trying to get at was my room feels almost alien with half my stuff gone. I miss my clutter. I miss the 'homey-ness' that's existed between these walls. It's weird. I really hope I'm not sounding too much like a corny e-mail forward (if I am, it can't be helped) but yeah. It's just weird how it just kinda hits you, and everything's off.

No matter, I've got seeing all of you to look forward to. I'm home April 22nd!!!

Good luck with exams :D


SOOOO TIRED 

I had my first "I thought we were just friends" discussion today. She said yes when I asked her to dinner yesterday. But I guess she thought about it more and had a change of heart. Which is what she called to tell me at noon today. Oh well no hard feelings, we may go to dinner anyways but just as friends.

I got dragged into seeing The Whole Ten Yards this evening. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, actually entertaining, but I got pretty fucking tired of seeing Matthew Perry run into or knock over things.

After the movie I stopped to get a hot dog from the only street meat vendor in Ptbo. The retard must have been knew to the job or something, you'd think he'd never cooked a goddamn hot dog before. I practically had to give the moron step by step instructions. So due to that delay I missed the last bus back to campus. During exams the last bus on weekdays was 11:45, FUCKING HICK TOWN!!!! So Tom (who had come to find me and so also missed the bus) started walking back to res. After 45 minutes we had walked half way when a passing car honks and pulls over. Tom's from Coburg and around there it's not good when cars pull over on dark roads in nowhere, so he's scared. I figure it's either a gang of cougars on the prowl for some tender meat or it's our friends, turns out to be the latter. They gave us a ride home.

I have to wake up for my history exam in 5 and a half hours. Kelly and I spent the past two studying.

LEAFS WIN 2-0!!!

Friday, April 16, 2004


Just like a movie... 

Ok. I hope this link works. This is wicked, and really is just like a movie.


A few things. 

Jake, I don't know what the hell kind of calculus you guys are doing. But it's not our kind of calculus. We're more concerned with... uh... I don't really know actually. Which is why I should be studying.

Bacon rules.

So does Unicron. I mean, what you guys are forgetting is that besides a wicked-cool guy in robot form, when he transformed, he was a planet who ate other planets. How the fuck can a stupid horse with a horn stand up to that? And Leo, I caught the Orson Welles reference. I think TF the Movie was one of the last things he did before he died.

Also, Kill Bill Vol. 2 was awesome. Moreso because I saw it in a theatre for only $4.25 (god bless you Rainbow Cinema (no it's not in the gay district)). It was less mindless violence than Vol. 1, but it had its moments still.

Finally, Shirin, why didn't you take the damn bacon out of the sandwich if you don't eat meat, etc. etc. etc.? Also, on the topic of "Islamified", I had a dream not so long ago that I converted to Islam. I had one of those hats and stuff too. It was rad.

I went printer crazy today at the Comp Sci labs. You see, as a computer science student you get 300 pages of print quota per CS course (well, for the programming ones anyway). So I have been printing like mad for my open book exam on Monday, shrank things down to 4 pages per side of a sheet. Now I just need to read it all. I'm now printing calculus stuff, hopefully I have 300 more pages after this (I don't know whether they count Computer Organization in the 300 pages rule). So, I'm going to go take a piss, pick up my print outs, and then print some more. Life is good, don't you think?


MEAT! 


you guyyyyys.. 

Yeah Neil.. Bacon. See, I'm vegetarian. So.... not so much..

Apparently when my mom was growing up (vegetarian since birth) the only meat she would eat was bacon...

Yeah plus there's the whole pork thing... what with me never really eating any while growing up cause dad accidentally islamafied us (mom and I.. we have Iranian passports) ... I don't think he was trying either.. it's just he was so used to it... plus he never really drank alcohol.. until the separation, but that was also when I started to drink too... but aaanyways.

Thanks Sam. Not only did my stomach disagree with my ethics, but now everyone thinks I'm a cold blooded murderer...

Um guys, no. The Unicorn would kick anything's ass because it's the purest most virginist thing in the world so it has magical goodness and super beam powers stored aside for a rainy day upon which it would kick anything's ass.

'nuff said.


Xanadude! 

My money is on Citizen 'Cron. Unicron would build up a massive empire to get people to love him and then when he failed, The Unicorn would come to him and propose he record a bad commercial for peas. Unicron would agree to the commercial but half way through Unicron would rip apart the Unicorn for writing such a bad script. Then Unicron would go home to his half finished, already decaying palace and sit in anger awaiting death.


Oops for me too 

So it's a transformer not just a run-of-the-mill robot?

Well my parents confined me to only TVO/PBS growing up so I'm culturally deprived (I've never actually seen old school transformers, though I probably did watch a little Beasties [sic]).


I appologize 

Sam, Ben already yelled at me for the UNICRON mix up, and I'm sorry, I now know better, and there's no further reason (this time) for you or Ben, or Matt, or anyone else to yell at me.


Talk about being fucked with your clothes on... 

Wow. That was not a fun calculus exam. The past 4 exams all followed pretty similar structures and were pretty easy. So I go in, first question essay gradient one (g(x,y) = xy^2). Similar type question as last years, I'm feeling pretty good. Then I turn the page and WHAM turns nasty. As Douglas Adams put it, it was like "being mugged in a cornfield". Long story short the entire middle of the exam was greek to me. Plus, it's just gravy that you have to draw a slope field. Not hard in a "mathamatical sense" but hard in "drawing over 50 short lines and getting the slope right sense". Plus the fact that the lines were little whisps and my ruler is at least an inch thick.

If there was a way to turn misery into cheap clean energy, then the atmosphere after that exam ended could've powered the entire Shanghai Special Economic Zone. Some people were actually crying. Everyone on my floor was really depressed/angry (as someone said, "I bet she'll be receiving lots of death threats. I mean cause I'll be sendin' em) except for one guy, Babak who's beacoup smart (and also a huge Leaf's fan with an Ottawa roomate). So there was a bit of tension there. I checked with him afterwards though and we had the same answers for everything I remembered. So maybe I didn't do as bad as I thought. Or, he's playing a cruel prank upon me.

The Unicorn wouldn't have a chance. It'd get fried. I mean if they're not assertive enough to get on the Ark, I don't see how they could defeat anything with robot augmentations, let alone a full-blown robot.


Sam Strikes Back 

NEIL! That is not just "a robot" That is clearly UNICRON. I mean, you made the right choice and all, but damn, show some respect for the transformers here...

Shirin: If I may quote The Smiths at you:

"It's death for no reason
and death for no reason is murrrderrr..."

For shame...


Kill Bill 

Just got back from seeing Kill Bill Vol 2., and all I'll say is that it was delightuflly cheesy, and heartwarming, with a smattering of gore.

I think that maybe my dream was caused by anticipation of Kill Bill, and hence the importance, and large amout of bladed objects in it, or it could just be me.

Ben, the robot would obvioulsy win, as it is much more bad ass.

Shirin, don't give up on bacon, its a wonderful food, and the best meat that comes of pigs, and one of the best meats ever. So what if its extreme greasiness leaves you feeling queasy, its worth it for the wonderful taste of grilled strips of pork flesh!


We're more than just horses. 

Unicorn. Duh.


ok, sorry I didn't know Atly was a girl. dude. Ben you suck. You said the blog needed a feminine force. You lied! It already has one. But it's ok. it's not like this town is too small for the two of us. We'll ban together and kill bill.

sooo yeah.

Today, I ate a BLT. I feel sick. With myself, and to my stomach. Oh the massacre.

I then came home and stuffed myself with whatever non-meat there was at dad's...

I'll never eat bacon again, again.

-_-.. but the woman and her son who run the bagel place are just so nice.. and I don't want them to go out of business... I had to try something different... monday I'll go back to my cream of broccoli soup and bagel, I promise... no piggies ever again. ever. sickness..

I'm going to go cry now...


Who would win in a battle to the death? 


Depression and Japanese Monster Movies 

I've been feeling very down lately, for various reasons. One of those reasons is that Toho won't be making any new Godzilla movies for at least another ten years. So I decided to pop some of my old Godzilla videos in the VCR. All I can really say is that I'm all better now. Nothing cheers me up more than giant monsters with various rays and breath weapons duking it out in the middle of a burning city, or underwater, or in the center of a volcanic eruption, or just about any damn place. I often find that most people are incapable of suspending disbelief while watching a movie, but are quite capable of suspending disbelief when their government is lying to them. I am completely free of this handicap. So in my mind's eye, two guys in rubber suits become giant monsters, and the buildings they are destroying are real, and I can take joy in this. I have to admit, suspension of disbelief is actually made MORE difficult by the human elements of the story, more often than not, since the people who write Godzilla movies are very bad at it. To remedy this, I make healthy use of the fast-forward button. The human plot is just an excuse for the monsters to fight anyway. Well, that's my blurb on big G.

On the topic of comparing beer and liquor, I feel that I should quote a wise, if disoriented person I know. "An apple called a lemon is still an orange." Alcohol is alcohol.

Tonight's movie is Rodan, so I'm outta here.


Pacific Blue: Bike Cops With BITE! 

So last night, me an' people in mah rez (Elise, Harris, Lana & Craig) were up watching télé dans la common rôom. Anyways, Conan had ended and none of us was tired, so we watched the show after it: Pacific Blue.

For those who aren't "in the know", Pacific Blue has got to be the worst Baywatch knockoff in the world. "Think Baywatch but with bike cops instead of lifeguards, and instead of David Hasselhoff, think Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell." I'm pretty sure that's how it was pitched to whichever network had the misfortune of syndicating it. So anyways, we watch the whole hour-long show for the "so god-awful its good" quality, and then go back to rooms. That's when Craig decides to check out the website, after which I suggest that we check out the FANsites, where the real hilarity begins.

The fansites are just sad. Sadly hilarious. I know that the internet is a big place and all, but I can honestly say I was surprised by some of the things we found. Pacific Blue fanfic. God, just reading the stuff is sad enough, but can you imagine actually writing A story, let alone several stories based on a third-rate Baywatch clone? It didn't stop there either, as several fans had taken the trouble of making flash puzzles of cast photos. Not just simple 12-piece stuff either; we're talking 128 pieces at least. And this was only the english stuff! For every english fansite, there were at least 3 german ones! Sadlarious, to be sure. Went to bed after that.

Had a dream last night. Details are hazy, but I think I may have helped the members of 'Bikini Kill' solve some kind of mystery. Not sure, tho..ˇ


Odd dream... 

So I had an odd dream this morning, it was all about a boot knife. There's a boot knife at the comic shop I've been eyeing, and do want to buy, but I don't for fear that if I buy a boot knife, I'll start carrying a boot knife, just because. But all that aside In my dream I did buy said knife, and I did start carrying it around at all times. The adventures this lead to included leaving the knife in my dons room by accident, having it stolen by some greasy looking guy, and after retrieving it, walking down the hall with it, and a sword that for some reason I'd attempted to hide by strapping to my ankle, and then running into Trent University Security, who simply said "I don't want to know."

Details have already faded from my head, but I'm pretty sure at one point in the dream my brother stole the knife too.

One last note:

And damnit the dream world is inconsitent, the knife, in reality is straight, double edged and coming to a point, while in my dream at some point the knife became quite curved...

Maybe the dream was telling me to buy the knife....


You've missed one subtle point. 

Nature's gift to grape farmers everywhere, and in turn raging alcoholics like myself.

Wine!

It comes from all over the world, named classy things like Cabernet Sauvignon, or not so classy things like Thunderbird (no joke, this stuff exists).

I'm thinking of going downstairs to the cabinet and grabbing a random bottle and just drinking it all. Yes, living at home does have it's plusses. Then again, it has many, many, many pitfalls. Like having to end up at home at a reasonable time most nights, having to explain oneself to at least one parent while intoxicated, meeting just about nobody unless one tries ridiculously hard to be social... you get my drift.

I find myself agreeing with Leo once again. First of all, about the unfair distribution of "gettin' any". Secondly with the hiding things from Bob - chiming in with Leo and WB, don't even try hiding it. Mind you, I'm something of a hypocrite in saying this, as I do try desperately to feign sobriety in front of my parents, though I've got no idea what kind of consequences you're expecting or would've expected in your pre-university life. I've never been reprimanded for my intoxication, it was simply a matter of etiquette for me not to act like a total freak in front of the people who raised me, if I could help it. In a case such as yours, I'd hope I would do what I propose you do: stand up to him. Tell him either a) that it's none of his business, or b) exactly what happened. Be strong, brothersister (sorry, that photo is still tripping me up...).

Also Leo, I'd like to purchase a copy of your book. I can pay for it in whichever currency you find appropriate: human feces, half-eaten bags of six month old pork rinds, or two tickets to see Everybody Loves Raymond: On Ice.

Two weeks of habitual drinking, and I'm not feeling any better than when I started, overall. There are the highs, and then there are the lows, predominantly lows. I'm thinking that maybe I should start experimenting with hard drugs to rectify that, and possibly to see if I can't rid myself of this pesky thing you people call "gravity". Good riddance to the days where I actually had to wait until the weekend to drink. Myself and my comrade are becoming the Norm and Cliff of our local pub. We've decided to switch to the cheap stuff (the house lager), which has a strange aftertaste to it, but still beats the hell out of Labbatt Blue. Free peanuts are a really big plus, too; it saves us having to buy dinner most nights (though, at $2.75, their poutine is a fucking steal - so much for weight loss).

I slept until 3pm today, got up, did some work, went downtown to the university, studied for a mere two hours, and then hit the taps. Unlike you, Jacob, I have an ever deepening contempt for calculus. A good look at some of our problem sets and you'll probably understand why. What angers me more than the math itself is that most of this is completely irrelevant to my area of study -- Computer Science -- and yet is still a degree requirement. Not only that, it's designed to make people fail/crack under pressure. A computer scientist needs a bunch of discrete math/logic courses, maybe some basic knowledge of integration/differentiation, Taylor polynomials, and matrix manipulation, and not even close to half of this other crap they're making us do. And so while I could be learning how to use gdb or otherwise making good use of my time, I'm stuck doing delta-epsilon proofs.

My cognitive science final is also coming up, I should really study for that. I'll get around to it I guess. It's kind of hard considering the lecturer makes very little sense due to her butchering of the English language, and my subsequent complete lack of attendance to that class. Merely a minor obstacle, I'm certain.

Thursday, April 15, 2004


Apple vodkas and orange liquers 

You can't even compare them, Sam. Beer and liquor bring about two totally different kinds of drunk. Liquor is great for that four-on-the-floor, plastered bastard feeling, while beer is a more pleasant, talk-about-stupid-shit sort of drunk. Both have many many plusses, and both have their downfalls. But to compare them directly is tomfoolery. Chicanery!


Shut the Fuck Up, Donnie 

Taking beer over liquor is like taking 5-pin over 10-pin.


Vodka is evil 

Got quite drunk yesterday. So I wake up this morning feeling kinda groggy, and I open my eyes to find that the whole world looks blurry, leaving me confused and wondering why didn't I put my contacts in. Then continue the analyzing myeself, I realize, I'm wearing my shirt and jeans.. and even still have my keys attached to by belt. So i begin to wonder, "Why didn't I get ready for bed yesterday? I'm never that tired. So I start thinking back and remember that last night involved vodka. More vodka then I've ever had, and once again, I'm reminded why beer is the way to go while drinking.


Wow, I'm an idiot 

Stepfather Bob who's an asshole...

Atly is Ashley! I think I am officially the only person on the blog who did not know that before. This is like the ending of The Usual Suspects or something where the music plays and everything suddenly makes sense.

On the plus side I've done 4 past exams for calculus and I'm quite confident that if this exam is the same as any of them, I'll do fine (Don't laugh, that's what happened with politics).


CoWaAaAaAaRdGh 

Atly, I've said this before and I'll say it again. GROW UP! Stop acting like a dumb 14 year old kid afraid to test their 10 pm curfew, and begin acting like the 19 year old adult you should be.

I would be more interested to see Bob's reaction when you say "Bob, this is a hickey, I got it from my boyfriend (or girlfriend would be equally interesting ;) . These are track marks from my heroin addiction". In fact I would pay to see that discussion.

I bought the first copy of "I'm Naturally Thin, Also and Asshole". Though in truth I've gained 10 pounds this year though I'm pretty sure that's all muscle.


Jeers from the "Baptists"! 

Booooo! No fair! Atly should not be the only one "gettin' any".

As for concealing a sneakret boyfriend and sneakret hickies from Bob, just don't bother. If you do act as free and crazy as you say you do, time to believe it, believe in yourself, know that you are a 19 year old who lives away from home... "lose yourself in the music" ? I know, it's not that simple for you... but maybe it is. As far as weight loss, everyone should buy my newest book "I'm Naturally Thin, Also an Asshole".

Oh, me? I'm "studying". All the time. Oh yeah. Not wasting any time. No, sir. As for all the venom today, I am hungry and everyone knows a Hungrenny is a Meanrenny.


Dilemma. 

It's been two days and my neck is still tinted with a gorgeous array of blues and reds and purples.

While it's been amusing to hear:

"BAHAHAHAHAHA...I don't want to KNOW what you guys were playing at"

and

< high pitched > "AIIIIEEE! What is that on your NECK?! There...and there...and there...and there...and there..."

or

"Holy fuck! Who tried to eat your head?!"

...I have a problem.

Not that I'm dating a vampire - I was deathly afraid of them as a kid, and while the vampires/werewolves were quite hot in Underworld...never. Ever.

I could try to explain the circumstances, but I'll spare you all and say it was a competition to see who could come out the worst. I'd like to say 'you should see the other guy', and while the 'other guy' is branded quite satisfyingly, HIS stepfather is not coming down on Saturday to help pack up his stuff.

Now, I got away with it for one day, praise American Eagle and their actually HIGH necked turtle necks - HOWEVER - the forces of nature are against me in Waterloo, and Saturday promises to bring with it a high of 17 degrees and sunshine. So the scarf thing is out the window too.

So I'm screwed. Not even my power combo of MAC powder & TTO concealer do much to dull these...and while I do have two more days to go - my lovely 'pasty lily white' skin doesn't show signs of cooperating.

I wonder what Bob would say if I told him my 'girlfriend' and I just got a little rough with each other one night?? :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That aside, MATT - ahh, Shirin (apologies for not acknowledging you sooner! How's it going? Where do you hail from? ---- Hurrah! The females will rule this blog!) shot you down quite nicely. Or Lina did through Shirin. *Everyone* should know that eating a big breakfast and then making meals progressively smaller is the best way to go about that sort of dieting. However (and this is for you too, BEN), in terms of metabolism - 6 small meals a day is usually the way to go. That way, the input is constant, you don't spike with highs or lows. I say that after finishing 1/2 a litre of chocolate milk for lupper and munching on vegetable thins, but during exam time I eat whatever makes me happy.

ALSO, dieting is useless. Maybe I should have said that first. If you're going to lose weight, you're going to do it through good old-fashioned SWEATING. Lifting weights is the best way to burn fat, but since I'm a gimp, I do mostly cardio stuff. I alternate between an hour and a half of squash or doing 3.75k of running (which I do most often because I'm lazy and it's a less than 20 minute investment for me, although I can't WAIT for my rollerblades!!) - or at least, thats the semi-pattern I've got going on. Best is weight training every SECOND day and then cardio in between those days...that way, you're burning fat, toning and getting your body healthier. You gotta commit though - so find someone else to work out with you. You can biking with Stas and I...and I'm sure Benk, L.Mo and I are gonna be blading like crazy this summer (we damn well better be guys).

OOoookay. That's my rant for today. Now, off to study immunology!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One week left of first year University. Wow.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


Concurring on Calculus' Crap 

I have my Calculus exam tommorrow.

I haven't gone to class or read the textbook this term.

And yet instead of studying like mad, I'm writing a post here. Ironic isn't it.

Speaking about posts our politics class has an online board where students can ask questions and debate. And last night (the night before the exam!) they were debating... me.

"[Jacob's] ego knows no bounds apparently" vs "jacob is the king of politics. all hail king jacob".

Wow, all this kafuffle over lil' old me. Too bad our prof forgot to put "Is Jacob an asshole?" on the exam.


Dear Linabby: 

Lina has a brilliant contribution to our debate about weight (insert rappage):

ok..well, if you dont eat anything {little} all day and then eat a big dinner it will all just sit in your stomach and go to fat (b/c your not using the energy you consumed) so that would be bad....this is what i've heard


ta daahhhh lina is brilliant because she took kinesiology at esa. yep. (I edited her comment cause it was typo-errific. <3 muah to you, lin)

[EDIT: so she said some more stuff too that could be helpful. I just got carried away and posted without thinking too hardly.. so here:

the lion sleeps tonight says:
eat big lunch or breakfast and tehn you have timeduring hte day to burn stuff off
the lion sleeps tonight says:
sooooooooo.........yeaH
the lion sleeps tonight says:
lpus not eating much in itself will slow his metabolizim
the lion sleeps tonight says:
cause then when he starts to eat mroe it wont really know what to do with it all
the lion sleeps tonight says:
=FAT

doesn't she make sense? i love it.]

[MORE EDIT!: and here's candid photo of ben, the artist as a young boy:



yes. isn't he all cute and identical to his pic? I'm sure.]


If only I didn't hate Molson Canadian... 

This is kinda cool anyways.



weight. 

yeah seriously. you're gonna be a twichy pile of twich.

gaad! neil you role player... what a reality check. of course you ask about the threesome thing, what with you only role playing them in your miiiiiind (ohh stingy!..). well now you have more accuracy.. plus eight in accuracy, in fact.


Starving yourself doesn't sound like a good idea... 

Matt, simply starving yourself, and eating only one meal a day doesn't seem like the best idea, it sounds like borderline anorexia to me. Though it explains every high school lunch hour where all you had was lemonade and jelly beans....

Yesterday was my last LARP session, damnit I'll have to wait till september to play again! On the plus side maybe some of the people who want me dead will be dead by the time I get back!


I am going to shoot myself in the face. 


Ben. make this thing commentable for people.. 

The backs of cars resemble their owners too.

Neil: it depends. is this a hot roomie? do they clean up after their toenail clippings? sharing is clearly not an issue in a threesome, so why would you start getting greedy there? you can be selective though. it's all about the hygiene and the extra hotness added to the mix, if you ask me.

so apparently I/miranda/the world was right about the unicorns, and they are great. yeah. well I knew it all along from the moment i saw their hotness staring at me from the newspaper. yeah.

I just bought the bestest dance pants in the world. They're so lightweight.. and comfy.. and a good length.. and just so glorious that I had to get a good dance shirt to go with it. it's white, and long sleeved and also glorious. Class at the collective will be pure joyity tomorrow.. I shall rule the bar.

Oh god. reality.. tomorrow is kill bill vol. 2... sweet sweet killing bill.. I wanna see resevoir dogs again... it's that mr pink. it's making me crave mr brown. brayan's telling me about the professional now though... and I don't have time for too much quality viewing right now.. school is getting in the way... ack. and i have to see pulp fiction too, apparently.

but I'm also so very secluded here out west... so guys, invite me to your 'club meetings' sometime, kay? I have no one here in etobicoke.. sniffle. we should party more often.. big escapades... to the heart of the city.... where there are lights.. and cars.. and sounds.. and street meat.. and etc.

so yeah.


Weight loss is easy. 

Ben, all you have to do to lose weight is restrict yourself from eating more than one meal a day. Just eat a really big dinner, and maybe small breakfasts, and you'll soon drop the pounds. Whenever your stomach sends you messages of hunger, accuse it of treason and wait until dinner. You'll get used to it. Also, get into the habit of fidgeting and tensing your muscles for no reason.

I'm trying to figure out if I should get an intel or athlon processer. Intel is apparently more stable, but athlons are faster and have a slightly cooler name.

Neil, that sounds like something to be taken on a case-by-case basis, and is thus a stupid question to ask on a blog.


Good News Everyone! 

Guess what? I was sick of not being able to post from my run-down, dirt-poor, lazy roustabout of a computer (is it true that after a while computers start to resemble their owners?) So today I decided to try something different. Rather than going into Explorer, I went to old, trusty Netscape and voila! I'm able to post! Pretty cool, eh?

In other news, no matter how long you go without thinking about them, dinosaurs still rule..


No more sweet sweet deliciousness. 

A rash of cake-related instances of eating have done it for me. I need a hardcore diet. I also need to exercise more, but it's too late to start a regimen, so I'll wait till next year for that.

The trick is the sweet tooth. I have a mouth full of them. And with all the junk available on campus, and the chocolate, and the baked goods, etc, it becomes super-hard for me to resist. But resist I must, and shall. I'm doin' this hardcore, I've made a weekly menu sort of thing and everything. I will lose weight. I shall lose weight. Weight is gonna be lost like it's goin' into style.

Neil: You don't have a roommate. Why do you care?


A question of ettiquitte 

A thought occured to me while talking to Leo and Meyers, I thought I would share it, and I appologize for the double post.

If you're having a threesome and you're roomate walks in on you, do you share?


Noise violation eh? 

Meyers, you just gave a great idea. I have 10 or 15 points so far this year. I have 12 days left in rez. At some point, or several points, in the next few days I'm going to run down the halls with an air horn. If I can afford an air horn. If not a large pot and a stick banging loudly and screaming.

Oh, and I will do this at 4 am...

MUAHHAHHAH!


(I'll do it in the south end too! The floors creak there!)


AAARRRGGGHHH 

Despite there being 23 hours of silence in effect here at Lady Eatin' College Steph (my neighbour across the hall) and I have been playing our equivalent of the Penis Game. Basically we open our doors and play our music as loud as possible before someone tells us to "shut the fuck up". Steph has been playing My Band by D12 in heavy rotation. I've been playing the newly minted N.A. soundtrack.

She has made it her goal to get a noise violation this week, because she has somehow gone the entire year without any violations, which is astounding because she is one of the most belicose people I have ever met. I on the other hand am one more Revelation away from being tossed fout of rez. Don't laugh it is even more likely to hapeen now because the school already has your money.

Kelly and I have just spent the last 3 hours studying history in my room and I am so sick of it. I never want to hear about communist China, slavery in Brazil, fur trade in Canada or indirect rule in Africa ever again.


Call Me "Roeper" 

As per requested by Sam, a list of my thumbs up and down for First Year Films.

Once Upon A Time - A girl goes to the closet where her toys and household items come alive in stop motion.
Thumbs Up. This one was very well done technically as well as being charming and having a dash of the unexpected.

A Frog In Toronto - A Francophone adapts to Toronto and overcomes Franco-Isolation.
Thumbs Up. Clever, funny and enjoyable.

The Bullet Tree - A boy plants a bullet tree in hunting season.
Thumbs down. Narrative unclear, unnecessarily sprawling. Soundtrack was good.

Six films in a row with cemetaries, walking and suicide
Thumbs down. C'mon guys, really. Points to the guy who did the plastic wrap film, his structure was clever.

Weight Mirror Bear Scissors - Stop motion toy bear cuts out innards to make himself a lovable thin toy.
Thumbs up. This film actually made me enjoy being preached to about weight issues!

Purgatory - A lost man finds his own corpse again and again.
Thumbs up. Beautifully shot, well-paced, genuinely engaging and interesting throughout.

Unknown - Blurry images set to the music "The Entertainer"
Thumbs down. I was entertained by hating it.

Marcello and Me - An Italian film director's frozen body is discovered in Saskatchewan and he is revived.
Thumbs up. Extremely funny, extremely original.

The Ransom Note - A kidnap note is sent to the wrong house.
Thumbs up. Extremely funny, unpredictable, loved by all.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


Now you know what to do laddy...burn the house down! 

What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!



I had to know.

..........
.........
.......
.....
....
...
..
.

*I* want a flame thrower! Damn Dave and his crazy Astro(nuclear?)physicist/Judo master dad!!
While they were building weapons fit for any pyromaniac's dreams I was catching frogs with MY dad.

Jetzt ich schlafe. Mogen habe ich viel arbeit...und ich möchte Pokemon spielen. Gute nacht alles!

>>>> Oh and Dave, us Waterloo "punks" are in the same boat. Failing a final exam is an automatic failure of the course. I was trying to be optomistic - thanks for crushing my fragile soul.


I think my teacher and her pet hate me. 

So I went to my TDT class today for 6:30pm. Lemme tell ya. There's this guy, Jonathan, he's like, a tall lean albino guy who squiggles all over the room doing what our teacher, Wendy Chiles, tells him to do.

Today, I made a mistake while standing at the front of the class and she stopped the whole class to clarify that we were doing GRAND plies instead of demi plies.... this doesn't sound so bad, no, but she clarified it RIGHT IN MY FACE.. guess who felt like crying?

Second, the albino comes up to me right in the middle of an exercise and starts poking me around into the "correct alignment" for contraction. Not that I think I'm the contraction queen or anything.. but yo, should I really be falling backwards like a dying tree? who knows. maybe.

Oh yeah, and Wendy was asking people what "deepening a contraction means to you" and I put up my timid hand, hoping to be helpful by saying, "just to add onto the last comment, I'd say it's a deepening of the curve especially in the lower spine..." and she was like, "you're right, because it initiates from there, but... is that the only curve that deepens?" and I'm like ".....uhhhh... Nooo!" Then came the seemingly eternal laughter of the class at my supposedly comical answer. "Oh good answer!" Wendy says with joking gusto.. pult -this-, bitch... naw whatever. I know, i'm a clown.. but still. I felt so alone when the class laughed FOR EVER.. it was like they were never going to stop.. even Rob the drummer was laughing.. ... it was a horrible moment like in those nightmares where everyone's an evil clown about to suck your guts out and their faces are all distorted and they're laughing evilly at you and pointing and they won't stop.... and I'm sitting there like "heh-heh.. yup.."

The last and most conspiratorial thing is what made class that much more terrifying. So we were doing this jumping combination across the floor, and Jonothan, thinking he needs to continually hold our hands with the exercise and do it alongside us, joins in with our little quartet. So we're all bouncing along happily doing our thing, when at the end of the exercise while we're winding down into the corner because we've run out of room, he decides this would be a good time to start the exercise again RIGHT IN MY FACE. So I get bowled into, classically. Not only is this albino full of mockery and spite for me, but he also clearly has a contract on my head.

This class is nuts. I hope it at least gets me into TDT.


|a + b| ≤ |a| + |b| 

Did you all know how much I hate calculus?

Atly, you Waterloo punks got it easy. Department of Comp Sci here, no matter what your final grade is, getting < 40% on a final exam is an auto-failure. I think there just may be some sort of similar stipulation in the Math Department. In which case I am even more dead than I think I am.

I've been eating and breathing math for the last 5 hours as a way to forget about last night's happenings. I'm knee deep in things to do for my job, also, but as usual, it can wait.

We've got a communal phone in the undergraduate lounge, and twice today I've been subjected to the distraction of people talking extremely loudly into it, once in English and once in Chinese. The Chinese was much more annoying, since at least I could be amused by what I could understand. Bah.


the antithesis of progress 

The last couple nights I've not been in a "sleeping" mood, so to speak. Instead of sleeping, or studying, or even reading, for Christ's sake, I've been writin' li'l poems, going so far as to have a poetry-off with a friend of mine last night at 2.30am. It's like, improvised poems. And the little six-line poems we spat out in under three minutes were better than any crafted piece I wrote for writer's craft.

A sampling:

cussin'

sometimes fuck
is the only thing that separates a
perfectly civil sentence
from a good one


home on the range

dirk and jen went
cow-tipping

they
knocked over three while
the dumb things
were lying down
and made out

under the stars
in the warm spot left over


untitled

blue ballpoint ink
is toxic
so if i write
your number on my
palm

i'm as likely to vomit
as call it

but it'll be sweet like ice cream


Half way there. 

So I had my 70% chem final on Monday - I woke up to a flashing orange message from Stas telling me I'd do well and that because I killed Chem in highschool I could do it again in University.

I liked her logic.

However, the night before I'd gone out for Easter dinner and Ben's Dad's best friend's house (from here on in I'll simply skip the formalities and call him "Chris") which was amazing. The food was brilliant and they're all amazing people (German too, woot, although I was faaaaar to shy to show off with any of my mad G3R|\/|@|\| 5|<1LLz). Then after dinner (say, 9ish), rather than go back and try to study like mad, Ben and I took a walk around Waterloo park (I wanted to see the bloody llamas. I've decided that's my calling in life: I am going to own a llama farm, and Dave, my partner in crime (aka fellow bio major), would co-own it with me, although he'd have emus too).

So I got back at 11. Studied till 12 (sort of. tried. did a couple questions.).
Read for an hour.
Slept.
Guilted myself into setting my alarm for 7 to do more work.
Got up at 7:45.
Got dressed. Ate. Read through notes. Memorized hole size of crystal packing structures (0.1..something, 0.255, 0.414 and 0.713 pm, go me!)
Met up with Dave, went to the exam at 8:30 am (it was at 9).

...2 and a half hours later...

I stared at my scantron card, looking at all the blank bubbles, and then began filling them in based on which pattern would look nicest.

...............

Chemistry broke something in me that day.

So here I am, procrastinating again - two more major exams to go...this Friday & Saturday. Think I might play some Hearts, or KQ 3 before I hit the books.

Waterloo has taught me well. Looking forward to the Amaretto sour night on Saturday :D

~~

I needed 25% on the exam to pass the course.


My day. 

Someone is poking my fat.... I may just kill this mofo unless it is stopped. Look, don't feed me cake and fatty 2% milk and expect me to stay slim and PEACEFUL..... KILL BEN!

Good. the annoyance has tired.... he tends to his dirt piles and then returns for vengence... oh yeah? well.. you have a weak spot that I can KILL!

KILL
KILL
Kill

peace... serenity has been found after I have fed him my FOOT! HAHA SUCKA...

ok. so today I went to the collective and we had Justine Chambers... she tried to throw us off with her crazed countings and offness...She's not half as good at bar classes as Daryl Tracy is. He rawks the room when he does one of his bar classes... sure he has exercises in nines and elevens and "six five six five six five"s, but he at least somehow manages to explain it in a way that I can magically do the combo right when romano starts beatin' that bongo. Plus, Chambers is all about the Ryerson-JazzBunny-Showtime!Modern rather than the so called "oozing energy out your pores" crap most modern teachers in t. do. Yeah well.. if she's talking about Pat Miner or Fraser or my lovely Mr House, then I'll never stay for one of her classes again.

I hope we have Darryl tomorrow.. and I hope he does another bar class.

I can't write my life under the pressure of silent energy...

GAD.
happy day.


Goin' Ape 

Sorry about my pic. I'll try to get one that shows me as I actually look. You know, with irises and pupils and all that detail.


Well, Here I Am 

Finally logged in. Not up to much lately. Net is down.

Well, I recently returned to one of the most addictive RPGs ever, Fallout. Whenever I play this game I become obsessed with it. For anybody who is sadly ignorant of this game, Fallout is a computer RPG set in a 1950's style post-nuclear-war desert. It is one of the greatest computer RPGs in existence, and should be played by anyone with an appreciation for innovative, flexible gaming. Unfortunately, only two Fallout RPG games have been made, and this is far from sufficient, however amazing the games may be. Having failed miserably in all my attempts to locate pen-and-paper rules, I've decided to make my own, based on the D% system in the game, with a few practical tweeks to make the game more p&p friendly.

I'm getting a new computer this week. Now I can finally play games made after 1998.

That's all for now.


I don't love Raymond- 

-Though apparently I resemble him. Could be worse, right? Anyways, I always respond to other people because that's what's right. Pick-up lines, eh?

1) "Hov some keyke nyah gurl." (Offer a girl some cake [you must actually have some cake to offer] in a heavy Jamaican accent. The cake shows you're sweet and sharing and the Jamaican accent shows you're laidback and cool.)

2) "YOULIKEDOGS?!THAT'SGREAT,ILOVEDOGSTOO!" (In a booming 1940's-radio-voice. This shows you are confident and social. This can also be used as a non-pickup-line for selling goods.)

3) "This is my skateboard. These are my wheels. These are my trucks. These are my bearings. This here is my deck. On my deck is always where the grip tape is." (Indicate parts of the skateboard while talking.)

Those are the simple pickup lines that have gotten me where I am today!


Ever feel like... 

... you are the star of a badly written prime-time sitcom? Frought with bad clichés and almost textbook plot twists? Especially the kind that tend to fuck you over?

Sigh.

Monday, April 12, 2004


What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!



eggs are like chicken mensturation


clearly I am not a dude. 

mir and lina (my bestest friendseses) are coming home in supposedly 11 days.. coincidence? maybe. if this were september... but it's not. sorry.

"Me: So, Lina says we're going "hunting" this summer...
Mir: REALLLLY??? OHMYGOSH WOW!!! With REAL GUNS???
Me: WHAT? no... like.. "man hunting".. with mini skirts...
Mir: ohh!! that's cool too.. army pants and stillettos yeah...... hunting..."

I'm not so sure it'll be serious "hunting" though.. cause we're preparing for it by making a list of really bad pickup lines to use that'll surely bag us a few good 'uns... If you guys have any to contribute (original stuff! none of this 'website plaigiarism' shite.. we like the obscure ones like, "is that a tennis shoe or did you fall into my lap from heaven?") we'd love it. Even if we never do go hunting, it's just a good way to start your day... y'know? like fibre.. but for your soul.

I rediscovered the joy of hard boiled eggs. I know, I hate eggs and anything wiggly or remotely jiggly that came from an animal... but you don't understand. I was feeling anemic. I think I was pale too.. my nails are getting ... I duno.. ripply from lack of iron I bet... I was scared... So I ate lots of eggs and chick peas, and now I feel so colourful and shiny.. plus my breath smells like Landsdowne. How hot is that?

In other news, I've officially got an audition for the School of Toronto Dance Theatre's Professional Training Program on the 18th. That's this Sunday. Supposedly from 10am to 6pm, unless I don't even make the "cut".... whenever that happens... I'm freakin'. I'll blab to death about it either sunday night or monday..

but yo. Kill Bill vol. 2 comes out Friday. Love it or hate it, it's gonna suck yer wallet dry like a martini on a lonely Friday night.


Miggalangogoggogoggog PANCAKE BREAKFASTS! 

I kind of went catatonic this weekend. Loads and loads of bullshit to wade through following the end of my school term.

I want chocolate eggs, too. Hmm. It's Easter Monday. == Cheap chocolate day at the local stores, I wonder?

The CSSU year end dinner is goin' down tonight. I'm going to head out and get wasted before I go, so that things will be mildly interesting. Which reminds me, I really should shave.

Wish me luck, Dudes of the Realm.


I want free candy! 

Lucky bastard! Oh well as compensation I bought two big bags of two bite brownies in a further attempt to finish killing my meal card... 54 bucks still to go...


Goin' Ape 

Aight, I spent Saturday and Sunday at my grandparents' house in Gravenhurst. Played lots of rummy with my grandma and watched the hockey game with my grandpa. Speaking of hockey; the two all-Canadian series this weekend were fantastic, great fun to watch! Also they helped out my pool. There's now $80 on the line for the winner.

Sunday morning my spent a couple minutes to set up an Easter egg hunt for my sister and I, this was in addition to the large basket of candy waiting for us when we woke up. You're never to old for free candy.

Sunday, April 11, 2004


Fun Fact 

'Al Qaeda' means 'the base' or 'the foundation'. However, it does not just refer to physical objects, but also to concepts. Thus, the plural of Al Qaeda, 'Al Qawaid', means 'grammar'. Why? Because grammar is the foundations a language.

Now, it may just be a coincidence, but should we be surprised that George Bush is at war with grammar?

By David Adesnik


Rollerblading 

Aw man, haven't gone r'blading hardcore or late since the end of last summer. There's something amazingly pure about it that I don't feel anywhere else. There's not too much I can say about it that won't sound awful except to say it's something I feel I should keep doing often. Another thing I should do more is STUDY. On to that now. Goodbye Apes, hello Byron E. Wall


Going into exams with less than 50% is a bad idea... 

Wow, I haven't posted in a while, since before my latest trip to Toronto. Other than a shitty little post the other day, but that doesn't really count. So what to post about now? Well, I'm wired from drinking far too much coke, have an exam tomorow morning at 9am that I need to get a 75% on and have hardly studied for and I'm once again just procrastinating. I've tried studying for this exam several times with my friend. The first time we drank half a bottle of rum, the second time when his friend was there trying to study too we wound up talking, the third time we watched shitty daytime TV (saw an episode of Seaquest on space, anyone else rember Seaquest?). So tonight we tried studying one last time, this time he came to my place, my wretched sty of filth, we talked about RPG's the whole time. On the plus side he gave me a Cadbury creme egg because he doesn't like them, so WOO!

Oh, on further good news, my lazy neighbor didn't want to walk to macs for a sandwich last night, so now I've got four bucks just for doing a bit of walking! I sense a horrible 40 of some awful beer on the horizon for the weekend!

It's amazing how fast this year has gone...
and at the end of another year, I once again promise myself that next year will be differnt, I will work and stuyd next year, I will keep my room clean, I will finish assingments on time. Unfortunatley tomorow always comes, and it always comes on today...

Well, fuck it, live for the moment!


operation: zig-a-zig-ah.  

I suppose I should wait for formal introductions before being weird with you guuyyyyyss... but screw manners! I know ben, leo, sam, benji and neil, so it's a majority of weird straight off the bat.

So word on the street is that this little bloggie of ben's needs a feminine touch of some sort..... now, I ain't the ho who'll provide the touchin', but I'll sure as hell be feminine enough for this little rag tag team of whippersnapper hellians.

And now for my girly contribution of the day:

Like, omigawd! I got the hawtest pair of shoes the other day at Aldo? and they make me like, half a foot taller. Isn't that like, rawkin'?

It's too bad I don't post like that more often... I know it makes me seem very intelligent and worldly, however I cannot keep up that facade for longer than a few minutes, after which the convincingness fades like a tragic sunbeam of sadness...

I'm sorry this post makes too much sense.

To keep it weird, here some screwy man-handling of type styles to keep your interest and maintain suspense... Hey there, slick-face.. I'm angry with you, you muthafugga! Am I going anywhere with this? yes. to a site.

sincerely,
Paprika (it ties in to the title. mrs kissoon would be proud of my authoring skills.)

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a gorilla with no superego.