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Saturday, April 17, 2004


The Art of the Amaretto Sour 

The Amaretto Sour is not a 'girly' drink. 'Girly' drinks are sweet and cloying. The Amaretto Sour is an upscale drink. It's classy. There's a difference.

The key to the perfect Amaretto Sour is the Sour mixture. This is unfortunately most often neglected by half-ass lazy buttfuck bartenders. 7-fucking-Up and amaretto does NOT make an Amaretto Sour, no matter how much lemon juice you infuse it with.

The Sour Mixture should be prepared first, to the following specifications:
  • 5 parts sugar

  • 4 parts water

  • 2 parts lemon juice

You should then add 2 egg whites per litre or so of Sour Mixture.

The Amaretto Sour itself should be made as such:
  • 1 part Amaretto (Disaronna is best)
  • 2 parts Sour Mixture
Shake it well. Devour the deliciousness.

If that is too tart for you, bump up the sugar content a bit. 3 parts sugar to two water to one lemon juice. But I like mine more tart.

This recipe was learned from the awesome folks at The Green Room. Props to them.

In other news I have the complete (so far as I can tell) discography of the Pixies. Ninety-One songs. Four hours. That's a lot of late 80's alt rock. Fuckin' sweet.


SOOOO TIRED 

I had my first "I thought we were just friends" discussion today. She said yes when I asked her to dinner yesterday. But I guess she thought about it more and had a change of heart. Which is what she called to tell me at noon today. Oh well no hard feelings, we may go to dinner anyways but just as friends.

I got dragged into seeing The Whole Ten Yards this evening. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, actually entertaining, but I got pretty fucking tired of seeing Matthew Perry run into or knock over things.

After the movie I stopped to get a hot dog from the only street meat vendor in Ptbo. The retard must have been knew to the job or something, you'd think he'd never cooked a goddamn hot dog before. I practically had to give the moron step by step instructions. So due to that delay I missed the last bus back to campus. During exams the last bus on weekdays was 11:45, FUCKING HICK TOWN!!!! So Tom (who had come to find me and so also missed the bus) started walking back to res. After 45 minutes we had walked half way when a passing car honks and pulls over. Tom's from Coburg and around there it's not good when cars pull over on dark roads in nowhere, so he's scared. I figure it's either a gang of cougars on the prowl for some tender meat or it's our friends, turns out to be the latter. They gave us a ride home.

I have to wake up for my history exam in 5 and a half hours. Kelly and I spent the past two studying.

LEAFS WIN 2-0!!!

Friday, April 16, 2004


A few things. 

Jake, I don't know what the hell kind of calculus you guys are doing. But it's not our kind of calculus. We're more concerned with... uh... I don't really know actually. Which is why I should be studying.

Bacon rules.

So does Unicron. I mean, what you guys are forgetting is that besides a wicked-cool guy in robot form, when he transformed, he was a planet who ate other planets. How the fuck can a stupid horse with a horn stand up to that? And Leo, I caught the Orson Welles reference. I think TF the Movie was one of the last things he did before he died.

Also, Kill Bill Vol. 2 was awesome. Moreso because I saw it in a theatre for only $4.25 (god bless you Rainbow Cinema (no it's not in the gay district)). It was less mindless violence than Vol. 1, but it had its moments still.

Finally, Shirin, why didn't you take the damn bacon out of the sandwich if you don't eat meat, etc. etc. etc.? Also, on the topic of "Islamified", I had a dream not so long ago that I converted to Islam. I had one of those hats and stuff too. It was rad.

I went printer crazy today at the Comp Sci labs. You see, as a computer science student you get 300 pages of print quota per CS course (well, for the programming ones anyway). So I have been printing like mad for my open book exam on Monday, shrank things down to 4 pages per side of a sheet. Now I just need to read it all. I'm now printing calculus stuff, hopefully I have 300 more pages after this (I don't know whether they count Computer Organization in the 300 pages rule). So, I'm going to go take a piss, pick up my print outs, and then print some more. Life is good, don't you think?


Xanadude! 

My money is on Citizen 'Cron. Unicron would build up a massive empire to get people to love him and then when he failed, The Unicorn would come to him and propose he record a bad commercial for peas. Unicron would agree to the commercial but half way through Unicron would rip apart the Unicorn for writing such a bad script. Then Unicron would go home to his half finished, already decaying palace and sit in anger awaiting death.


Oops for me too 

So it's a transformer not just a run-of-the-mill robot?

Well my parents confined me to only TVO/PBS growing up so I'm culturally deprived (I've never actually seen old school transformers, though I probably did watch a little Beasties [sic]).


Talk about being fucked with your clothes on... 

Wow. That was not a fun calculus exam. The past 4 exams all followed pretty similar structures and were pretty easy. So I go in, first question essay gradient one (g(x,y) = xy^2). Similar type question as last years, I'm feeling pretty good. Then I turn the page and WHAM turns nasty. As Douglas Adams put it, it was like "being mugged in a cornfield". Long story short the entire middle of the exam was greek to me. Plus, it's just gravy that you have to draw a slope field. Not hard in a "mathamatical sense" but hard in "drawing over 50 short lines and getting the slope right sense". Plus the fact that the lines were little whisps and my ruler is at least an inch thick.

If there was a way to turn misery into cheap clean energy, then the atmosphere after that exam ended could've powered the entire Shanghai Special Economic Zone. Some people were actually crying. Everyone on my floor was really depressed/angry (as someone said, "I bet she'll be receiving lots of death threats. I mean cause I'll be sendin' em) except for one guy, Babak who's beacoup smart (and also a huge Leaf's fan with an Ottawa roomate). So there was a bit of tension there. I checked with him afterwards though and we had the same answers for everything I remembered. So maybe I didn't do as bad as I thought. Or, he's playing a cruel prank upon me.

The Unicorn wouldn't have a chance. It'd get fried. I mean if they're not assertive enough to get on the Ark, I don't see how they could defeat anything with robot augmentations, let alone a full-blown robot.


Sam Strikes Back 

NEIL! That is not just "a robot" That is clearly UNICRON. I mean, you made the right choice and all, but damn, show some respect for the transformers here...

Shirin: If I may quote The Smiths at you:

"It's death for no reason
and death for no reason is murrrderrr..."

For shame...


Who would win in a battle to the death? 


Depression and Japanese Monster Movies 

I've been feeling very down lately, for various reasons. One of those reasons is that Toho won't be making any new Godzilla movies for at least another ten years. So I decided to pop some of my old Godzilla videos in the VCR. All I can really say is that I'm all better now. Nothing cheers me up more than giant monsters with various rays and breath weapons duking it out in the middle of a burning city, or underwater, or in the center of a volcanic eruption, or just about any damn place. I often find that most people are incapable of suspending disbelief while watching a movie, but are quite capable of suspending disbelief when their government is lying to them. I am completely free of this handicap. So in my mind's eye, two guys in rubber suits become giant monsters, and the buildings they are destroying are real, and I can take joy in this. I have to admit, suspension of disbelief is actually made MORE difficult by the human elements of the story, more often than not, since the people who write Godzilla movies are very bad at it. To remedy this, I make healthy use of the fast-forward button. The human plot is just an excuse for the monsters to fight anyway. Well, that's my blurb on big G.

On the topic of comparing beer and liquor, I feel that I should quote a wise, if disoriented person I know. "An apple called a lemon is still an orange." Alcohol is alcohol.

Tonight's movie is Rodan, so I'm outta here.


Pacific Blue: Bike Cops With BITE! 

So last night, me an' people in mah rez (Elise, Harris, Lana & Craig) were up watching télé dans la common rôom. Anyways, Conan had ended and none of us was tired, so we watched the show after it: Pacific Blue.

For those who aren't "in the know", Pacific Blue has got to be the worst Baywatch knockoff in the world. "Think Baywatch but with bike cops instead of lifeguards, and instead of David Hasselhoff, think Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell." I'm pretty sure that's how it was pitched to whichever network had the misfortune of syndicating it. So anyways, we watch the whole hour-long show for the "so god-awful its good" quality, and then go back to rooms. That's when Craig decides to check out the website, after which I suggest that we check out the FANsites, where the real hilarity begins.

The fansites are just sad. Sadly hilarious. I know that the internet is a big place and all, but I can honestly say I was surprised by some of the things we found. Pacific Blue fanfic. God, just reading the stuff is sad enough, but can you imagine actually writing A story, let alone several stories based on a third-rate Baywatch clone? It didn't stop there either, as several fans had taken the trouble of making flash puzzles of cast photos. Not just simple 12-piece stuff either; we're talking 128 pieces at least. And this was only the english stuff! For every english fansite, there were at least 3 german ones! Sadlarious, to be sure. Went to bed after that.

Had a dream last night. Details are hazy, but I think I may have helped the members of 'Bikini Kill' solve some kind of mystery. Not sure, tho..ˇ


You've missed one subtle point. 

Nature's gift to grape farmers everywhere, and in turn raging alcoholics like myself.

Wine!

It comes from all over the world, named classy things like Cabernet Sauvignon, or not so classy things like Thunderbird (no joke, this stuff exists).

I'm thinking of going downstairs to the cabinet and grabbing a random bottle and just drinking it all. Yes, living at home does have it's plusses. Then again, it has many, many, many pitfalls. Like having to end up at home at a reasonable time most nights, having to explain oneself to at least one parent while intoxicated, meeting just about nobody unless one tries ridiculously hard to be social... you get my drift.

I find myself agreeing with Leo once again. First of all, about the unfair distribution of "gettin' any". Secondly with the hiding things from Bob - chiming in with Leo and WB, don't even try hiding it. Mind you, I'm something of a hypocrite in saying this, as I do try desperately to feign sobriety in front of my parents, though I've got no idea what kind of consequences you're expecting or would've expected in your pre-university life. I've never been reprimanded for my intoxication, it was simply a matter of etiquette for me not to act like a total freak in front of the people who raised me, if I could help it. In a case such as yours, I'd hope I would do what I propose you do: stand up to him. Tell him either a) that it's none of his business, or b) exactly what happened. Be strong, brothersister (sorry, that photo is still tripping me up...).

Also Leo, I'd like to purchase a copy of your book. I can pay for it in whichever currency you find appropriate: human feces, half-eaten bags of six month old pork rinds, or two tickets to see Everybody Loves Raymond: On Ice.

Two weeks of habitual drinking, and I'm not feeling any better than when I started, overall. There are the highs, and then there are the lows, predominantly lows. I'm thinking that maybe I should start experimenting with hard drugs to rectify that, and possibly to see if I can't rid myself of this pesky thing you people call "gravity". Good riddance to the days where I actually had to wait until the weekend to drink. Myself and my comrade are becoming the Norm and Cliff of our local pub. We've decided to switch to the cheap stuff (the house lager), which has a strange aftertaste to it, but still beats the hell out of Labbatt Blue. Free peanuts are a really big plus, too; it saves us having to buy dinner most nights (though, at $2.75, their poutine is a fucking steal - so much for weight loss).

I slept until 3pm today, got up, did some work, went downtown to the university, studied for a mere two hours, and then hit the taps. Unlike you, Jacob, I have an ever deepening contempt for calculus. A good look at some of our problem sets and you'll probably understand why. What angers me more than the math itself is that most of this is completely irrelevant to my area of study -- Computer Science -- and yet is still a degree requirement. Not only that, it's designed to make people fail/crack under pressure. A computer scientist needs a bunch of discrete math/logic courses, maybe some basic knowledge of integration/differentiation, Taylor polynomials, and matrix manipulation, and not even close to half of this other crap they're making us do. And so while I could be learning how to use gdb or otherwise making good use of my time, I'm stuck doing delta-epsilon proofs.

My cognitive science final is also coming up, I should really study for that. I'll get around to it I guess. It's kind of hard considering the lecturer makes very little sense due to her butchering of the English language, and my subsequent complete lack of attendance to that class. Merely a minor obstacle, I'm certain.

Thursday, April 15, 2004


Apple vodkas and orange liquers 

You can't even compare them, Sam. Beer and liquor bring about two totally different kinds of drunk. Liquor is great for that four-on-the-floor, plastered bastard feeling, while beer is a more pleasant, talk-about-stupid-shit sort of drunk. Both have many many plusses, and both have their downfalls. But to compare them directly is tomfoolery. Chicanery!


Shut the Fuck Up, Donnie 

Taking beer over liquor is like taking 5-pin over 10-pin.


Wow, I'm an idiot 

Stepfather Bob who's an asshole...

Atly is Ashley! I think I am officially the only person on the blog who did not know that before. This is like the ending of The Usual Suspects or something where the music plays and everything suddenly makes sense.

On the plus side I've done 4 past exams for calculus and I'm quite confident that if this exam is the same as any of them, I'll do fine (Don't laugh, that's what happened with politics).


CoWaAaAaAaRdGh 

Atly, I've said this before and I'll say it again. GROW UP! Stop acting like a dumb 14 year old kid afraid to test their 10 pm curfew, and begin acting like the 19 year old adult you should be.

I would be more interested to see Bob's reaction when you say "Bob, this is a hickey, I got it from my boyfriend (or girlfriend would be equally interesting ;) . These are track marks from my heroin addiction". In fact I would pay to see that discussion.

I bought the first copy of "I'm Naturally Thin, Also and Asshole". Though in truth I've gained 10 pounds this year though I'm pretty sure that's all muscle.


Jeers from the "Baptists"! 

Booooo! No fair! Atly should not be the only one "gettin' any".

As for concealing a sneakret boyfriend and sneakret hickies from Bob, just don't bother. If you do act as free and crazy as you say you do, time to believe it, believe in yourself, know that you are a 19 year old who lives away from home... "lose yourself in the music" ? I know, it's not that simple for you... but maybe it is. As far as weight loss, everyone should buy my newest book "I'm Naturally Thin, Also an Asshole".

Oh, me? I'm "studying". All the time. Oh yeah. Not wasting any time. No, sir. As for all the venom today, I am hungry and everyone knows a Hungrenny is a Meanrenny.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


Concurring on Calculus' Crap 

I have my Calculus exam tommorrow.

I haven't gone to class or read the textbook this term.

And yet instead of studying like mad, I'm writing a post here. Ironic isn't it.

Speaking about posts our politics class has an online board where students can ask questions and debate. And last night (the night before the exam!) they were debating... me.

"[Jacob's] ego knows no bounds apparently" vs "jacob is the king of politics. all hail king jacob".

Wow, all this kafuffle over lil' old me. Too bad our prof forgot to put "Is Jacob an asshole?" on the exam.


If only I didn't hate Molson Canadian... 

This is kinda cool anyways.



I am going to shoot myself in the face. 


Weight loss is easy. 

Ben, all you have to do to lose weight is restrict yourself from eating more than one meal a day. Just eat a really big dinner, and maybe small breakfasts, and you'll soon drop the pounds. Whenever your stomach sends you messages of hunger, accuse it of treason and wait until dinner. You'll get used to it. Also, get into the habit of fidgeting and tensing your muscles for no reason.

I'm trying to figure out if I should get an intel or athlon processer. Intel is apparently more stable, but athlons are faster and have a slightly cooler name.

Neil, that sounds like something to be taken on a case-by-case basis, and is thus a stupid question to ask on a blog.


Good News Everyone! 

Guess what? I was sick of not being able to post from my run-down, dirt-poor, lazy roustabout of a computer (is it true that after a while computers start to resemble their owners?) So today I decided to try something different. Rather than going into Explorer, I went to old, trusty Netscape and voila! I'm able to post! Pretty cool, eh?

In other news, no matter how long you go without thinking about them, dinosaurs still rule..


No more sweet sweet deliciousness. 

A rash of cake-related instances of eating have done it for me. I need a hardcore diet. I also need to exercise more, but it's too late to start a regimen, so I'll wait till next year for that.

The trick is the sweet tooth. I have a mouth full of them. And with all the junk available on campus, and the chocolate, and the baked goods, etc, it becomes super-hard for me to resist. But resist I must, and shall. I'm doin' this hardcore, I've made a weekly menu sort of thing and everything. I will lose weight. I shall lose weight. Weight is gonna be lost like it's goin' into style.

Neil: You don't have a roommate. Why do you care?


AAARRRGGGHHH 

Despite there being 23 hours of silence in effect here at Lady Eatin' College Steph (my neighbour across the hall) and I have been playing our equivalent of the Penis Game. Basically we open our doors and play our music as loud as possible before someone tells us to "shut the fuck up". Steph has been playing My Band by D12 in heavy rotation. I've been playing the newly minted N.A. soundtrack.

She has made it her goal to get a noise violation this week, because she has somehow gone the entire year without any violations, which is astounding because she is one of the most belicose people I have ever met. I on the other hand am one more Revelation away from being tossed fout of rez. Don't laugh it is even more likely to hapeen now because the school already has your money.

Kelly and I have just spent the last 3 hours studying history in my room and I am so sick of it. I never want to hear about communist China, slavery in Brazil, fur trade in Canada or indirect rule in Africa ever again.


Call Me "Roeper" 

As per requested by Sam, a list of my thumbs up and down for First Year Films.

Once Upon A Time - A girl goes to the closet where her toys and household items come alive in stop motion.
Thumbs Up. This one was very well done technically as well as being charming and having a dash of the unexpected.

A Frog In Toronto - A Francophone adapts to Toronto and overcomes Franco-Isolation.
Thumbs Up. Clever, funny and enjoyable.

The Bullet Tree - A boy plants a bullet tree in hunting season.
Thumbs down. Narrative unclear, unnecessarily sprawling. Soundtrack was good.

Six films in a row with cemetaries, walking and suicide
Thumbs down. C'mon guys, really. Points to the guy who did the plastic wrap film, his structure was clever.

Weight Mirror Bear Scissors - Stop motion toy bear cuts out innards to make himself a lovable thin toy.
Thumbs up. This film actually made me enjoy being preached to about weight issues!

Purgatory - A lost man finds his own corpse again and again.
Thumbs up. Beautifully shot, well-paced, genuinely engaging and interesting throughout.

Unknown - Blurry images set to the music "The Entertainer"
Thumbs down. I was entertained by hating it.

Marcello and Me - An Italian film director's frozen body is discovered in Saskatchewan and he is revived.
Thumbs up. Extremely funny, extremely original.

The Ransom Note - A kidnap note is sent to the wrong house.
Thumbs up. Extremely funny, unpredictable, loved by all.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


|a + b| ≤ |a| + |b| 

Did you all know how much I hate calculus?

Atly, you Waterloo punks got it easy. Department of Comp Sci here, no matter what your final grade is, getting < 40% on a final exam is an auto-failure. I think there just may be some sort of similar stipulation in the Math Department. In which case I am even more dead than I think I am.

I've been eating and breathing math for the last 5 hours as a way to forget about last night's happenings. I'm knee deep in things to do for my job, also, but as usual, it can wait.

We've got a communal phone in the undergraduate lounge, and twice today I've been subjected to the distraction of people talking extremely loudly into it, once in English and once in Chinese. The Chinese was much more annoying, since at least I could be amused by what I could understand. Bah.


the antithesis of progress 

The last couple nights I've not been in a "sleeping" mood, so to speak. Instead of sleeping, or studying, or even reading, for Christ's sake, I've been writin' li'l poems, going so far as to have a poetry-off with a friend of mine last night at 2.30am. It's like, improvised poems. And the little six-line poems we spat out in under three minutes were better than any crafted piece I wrote for writer's craft.

A sampling:

cussin'

sometimes fuck
is the only thing that separates a
perfectly civil sentence
from a good one


home on the range

dirk and jen went
cow-tipping

they
knocked over three while
the dumb things
were lying down
and made out

under the stars
in the warm spot left over


untitled

blue ballpoint ink
is toxic
so if i write
your number on my
palm

i'm as likely to vomit
as call it

but it'll be sweet like ice cream


Goin' Ape 

Sorry about my pic. I'll try to get one that shows me as I actually look. You know, with irises and pupils and all that detail.


Well, Here I Am 

Finally logged in. Not up to much lately. Net is down.

Well, I recently returned to one of the most addictive RPGs ever, Fallout. Whenever I play this game I become obsessed with it. For anybody who is sadly ignorant of this game, Fallout is a computer RPG set in a 1950's style post-nuclear-war desert. It is one of the greatest computer RPGs in existence, and should be played by anyone with an appreciation for innovative, flexible gaming. Unfortunately, only two Fallout RPG games have been made, and this is far from sufficient, however amazing the games may be. Having failed miserably in all my attempts to locate pen-and-paper rules, I've decided to make my own, based on the D% system in the game, with a few practical tweeks to make the game more p&p friendly.

I'm getting a new computer this week. Now I can finally play games made after 1998.

That's all for now.


I don't love Raymond- 

-Though apparently I resemble him. Could be worse, right? Anyways, I always respond to other people because that's what's right. Pick-up lines, eh?

1) "Hov some keyke nyah gurl." (Offer a girl some cake [you must actually have some cake to offer] in a heavy Jamaican accent. The cake shows you're sweet and sharing and the Jamaican accent shows you're laidback and cool.)

2) "YOULIKEDOGS?!THAT'SGREAT,ILOVEDOGSTOO!" (In a booming 1940's-radio-voice. This shows you are confident and social. This can also be used as a non-pickup-line for selling goods.)

3) "This is my skateboard. These are my wheels. These are my trucks. These are my bearings. This here is my deck. On my deck is always where the grip tape is." (Indicate parts of the skateboard while talking.)

Those are the simple pickup lines that have gotten me where I am today!


Ever feel like... 

... you are the star of a badly written prime-time sitcom? Frought with bad clichés and almost textbook plot twists? Especially the kind that tend to fuck you over?

Sigh.

Monday, April 12, 2004


What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!



Miggalangogoggogoggog PANCAKE BREAKFASTS! 

I kind of went catatonic this weekend. Loads and loads of bullshit to wade through following the end of my school term.

I want chocolate eggs, too. Hmm. It's Easter Monday. == Cheap chocolate day at the local stores, I wonder?

The CSSU year end dinner is goin' down tonight. I'm going to head out and get wasted before I go, so that things will be mildly interesting. Which reminds me, I really should shave.

Wish me luck, Dudes of the Realm.


Goin' Ape 

Aight, I spent Saturday and Sunday at my grandparents' house in Gravenhurst. Played lots of rummy with my grandma and watched the hockey game with my grandpa. Speaking of hockey; the two all-Canadian series this weekend were fantastic, great fun to watch! Also they helped out my pool. There's now $80 on the line for the winner.

Sunday morning my spent a couple minutes to set up an Easter egg hunt for my sister and I, this was in addition to the large basket of candy waiting for us when we woke up. You're never to old for free candy.

Sunday, April 11, 2004


Fun Fact 

'Al Qaeda' means 'the base' or 'the foundation'. However, it does not just refer to physical objects, but also to concepts. Thus, the plural of Al Qaeda, 'Al Qawaid', means 'grammar'. Why? Because grammar is the foundations a language.

Now, it may just be a coincidence, but should we be surprised that George Bush is at war with grammar?

By David Adesnik


Rollerblading 

Aw man, haven't gone r'blading hardcore or late since the end of last summer. There's something amazingly pure about it that I don't feel anywhere else. There's not too much I can say about it that won't sound awful except to say it's something I feel I should keep doing often. Another thing I should do more is STUDY. On to that now. Goodbye Apes, hello Byron E. Wall

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a gorilla with no superego.