03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004
have attacked London with bus bombs! Stay tuned for another year or two of bad foreign policy decisions!
Hey hey, fellow great apes! To celebrate my extra-long abscence, here's an extra long post!
Firstoff, for those who don't know, I got a new job (again)! It's only 2 days a week, but it pays enough and I get free beer at the end of my shift, which is nice. I'm a dishwasher now (at The Gem bar and grill), so I guess you could say I'm movin' on up in the world!
The other upside of this is that I have more time to work on my summer university course, philosophy of government. And what a fast paced course that is! I've gone from Plato to Hobbes in two weeks! I'vce already had an essay due! S'insane!
Now then, the upside of both my new job and my new class is that they have contributed to an upswing in my creativity of late, and I have had time to come up with a comic (in progress) and an article (included) for Mondo when it starts up again at York. And with that, I submit to you my article for review:
(keep in mind that this is designed to be read around september)
Avatar of You
By Sam Linton
1. Manifestation or presentation to the world as a ruling power or object of worship.
2. The descent of a deity to the Earth in an incarnate form.
Ahh, September! The leaves are changing, the weather’s cooling and academics are back in style. Yes, it’s that time of year again! Time to return to the work, drudgery, and, in all likelihood, anonymity of your university education. Let’s face it: no matter how great a person you are on the inside, there are 20,000 students here at York, (give or take) and you just don’t stand out in a crowd that size, do ya? Hey, everyone wants to be a campus celebrity, but who has the sheer force of personality to be recognized by the entire student body? Well, with a few minor character adjustments, you do!
Ask yourself; do you have any real defining characteristics? Any quirks or traits that people might recognize or associate with you? Now, can you embellish these traits? To a ridiculous level? By exaggerating these defining attributes to a level approaching self-parody, you can stop living in the background and step on in to the spotlight as a dynamic new Avatar of Yourself! Allow me to explain: Let’s say that you’re well know among your friends for wearing colourful Hawaiian shirts. Well, why not wear them every single day? To a funeral, perhaps? In –45 degree weather, no less! Perhaps you enjoy the occasional drink? Then why not consider going through the rest of the year in a 24/7 drunken stupor? Remember, you can exaggerate literally any characteristic! Maybe you like to achieve academically? Why not cultivate a pathological need to do other people’s work for them? Eat a lot? Consider ballooning up to 600 lbs.! Have a short temper? Pick fights with random strangers over trivial spots in lecture halls! Be sure to keep in mind, the less three-dimensional you can make your persona, the more attention people will pay you! Remember, it doesn’t matter why people are paying attention to you, just so long as they are paying attention.
Really, that’s all there is to it! Just remember to exaggerate, and in no time at all people around campus will be recognizing you as “That guy who’s always drunk”, “That girl who steals people’s work and does it for them” or “That jerk who punched me in the face in lecture hall!” You have the power! As for me, I’ll be seeing you around campus, Mr. or Ms. Cool new avatar. You’ll be sure to recognize me. I’ll be the600 lb. Drunk guy in the pink Hawaiian shirt.
ANd there it all is! My longest Ape post to date! Peace out, y'all!
P.S. If anyone wants to go to the improv meets on monday, give me a shout. I'm up for it!
Especially the ones that dump dog carcasses in mall dumpsters. I can't wait to pass this around to every PETA supporter I know.
Two midterms, today and tomorrow, fuck summer school, roar roar etc.
PSA: Outdoor pools in the City of Toronto will be open for extanded hours, weather premitting. On days when at 3pm the temperatrue is over 30 degrees Alex Duff/Christie Pits will be open until 11:45pm. I want to start taking advantage of this.
On Thursday I went for a successful interview with Community Living Ontario. I will gathering research from the 100 member associations across the province and organizing that info in a database. I guess I oughta teach myself how to use a database. Hmmm Maybe I shoulda spent more listening to Yevgeny in grade 10 computers and less time playing quake or UT. Oh well live and learn.
On the same floor of this non descript Don Mills office tower was the Pakistani Consulate. So I did my Ape duty: I stuck my head in the open door and hollered "Tell me where Bin Laden is". The receptionist looked quite suprised
Hey. How was everyone's Canada Day? Mine was fun. Got to go drinking (which I haven't done in a while) and watched some fireworks. The fireworks were pretty piss-poor this year. I wasn't very impressed. Boo Cobourg.
It was my friends birthday on Canada Day, so that's what we were really celebrating. After the 'works we went out to a bar - MacGreggors - for some drinkipoo's. Hilarity ensued. I got hit on by this guy that I thought was cute in passing, but realized wasn't so much cute as ... not cute, when he came over to talk to me. He was from Barrie and was looking for some booty-call with Colleen for the weekend. I politely declined. Then he started macking on this girl who apparently knew him, and my friends were all like: "Go kick that chick's ass! She's mess'n wit your man!", and I was all like "Be cool, be cool! She ain't nuttin!" In the end I think I came out the victor.
Also, I made my father drive into Cobourg to the bar at 2:30am to pick me up. This is why it sucks to live in Balitmore.
But wait, there's more. I got a job! Actually, I'm working for a temp agency, and they're making me work at a box-making factory in Cobourg's industrial park. Last week I managed to pull off a night shift. 12 hours. 7pm-7am. It must have been around 38 C in that place. Hardest fucking thing I ever did in my life!
Any of you Apers want to come for a visit??? Basically I just need a reason to party. My place has a pool table, a fire pit in the back, and fields all around us (if we wander around in the fields for long enough, I'm sure we'll eventually stumble in to Narnia, or at least find some abandoned pot plants). Plus there's Cobourg and the beach ... and Port Hope if you want to glow in the dark or drink some coffee.