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Saturday, May 28, 2005


Goin' Awaype! 

Here it is, Apes and Apettes! My last post before I go off to KB. I'll be leaving some time tomorrow afternoon and then on Monday midday I'll be going to this special facility away from Killbear for extra NeeHee bonus workshops. So I'll actually be living at this facility for 4 or 5 days during the workshops. Like I said before, I'll be back on June 12, 13, 14 and maybe 15 if I can gerryrig that up. As for our lil' "CyberCommunity" I'll have semi-regular internet access beginning in July but it will be sketchy until then.

Today I went to TCAF with Sam today and saw Neil and Maddy and a bunch of other geeks from various stages and places in my life. I met
Derek Jerk Kim but he was sold out of books. Yeah right. Sounds like a cheap publicity stunt to me. I don't know how this "not selling stuff" stunt works to his advantage...
But the highlight was when Salmon Eye learned (Thanks to Neil / Maddy) that Dave Sim was going to be talking at a coffee shop. So we went and paid our $5 to hear the man read selections from Cerebus - Live! Sim is not a tremendous voice actor, but he got the job done, and hey, it's Dave Fucking Sim. In person he is a creep, but not as much as I'd expected. Then we went over to a second cafe where he was giving autographs. It was great to have twenty seconds to talk to the man while he drew ME a Cerebus, but at the same time, what can you really say to one of your favourite artists in twenty seconds? I talked about how "Minds" was his first comic I ever read and it disturbed me, but it really moved me, too. I found it awkward.
Then the day wrapped up with me buying Joe Matt's Peepshow - so far so very good. And I went over to M@B's table to give him cut-"Eye", but the man (who was wearing a Leo-Grade-Ten-Fishing-Hat) was too busy flirting with a girl to even make "Eye" contact for me to cut-eye him.

That's it, everybody. See you all in due time. Come up an visit me. For real this year. I'll spend money and give you beer and treats.


CALLING ALL UNITS 

BASEBALL TOMORROW

BASEBALL TOMORROW

Friday, May 27, 2005


Mr Pink Eye 

Yeh, f'real. I woke up Wednesday morning and the eye was all like "GEuuuUUuuH!" and so I was in my housecoat with no shirt on underneath when someone starts bangin' on the window. And in my thoughts is all "doIhavepinkeye?doIhavepinkeye?doIhavepinkeye?" and this man knocking on the glass is aconstruction worker because they are tearing up my street. and he asks me if I knoe Alfredo. Sure, like, not to well, he's a neighbour, sort of an accquaintance I don't hang out with the guy. "Alfredo says you have the Fy-Press" WTF!? This construction worker has a ridiculously thick italian accent I can barely understand the muthrefucker and i am thinking "do i have pinkeye?" and he is asking my a question about something ythat sounds like fy-press but it can't be fy-press because there is no such thing as a fy-press in less there is and it is a tool they need to finish the street. why would alfredo tell them i have the fy-press@!? Finally the man goes and i can go back to staring at the mirror and saying do i have pinkeye.

Fast forward. I go to the walk-in, I have pinkeye, I get some drops for it, it's pretty much aight by now. I reckon a total resolution by tomorrow.

How I rented 9 DVD's.
Sopranos season 3 (4)
Chappelle Season 1 Disc 1
American Splendour
Annie Hall
Barton Fink
Garden State

I think I have excellent taste. Time to see if half of this is any good. Suspect would never hire me. I'm like a 4 on the Suspectometer, you have to be an 8 before they hire you.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


I try to get out... 

...but they pull me back in. So I'm back at the syndicate this summer. Except my bullet-ridden corpse to wash up on a beach somewhere. I bet James Bond will make some quip when he kills me. Smug bastard.

I finally got my cellphone fixed for Toronto but I can't remember my number. That's definitely something I should look into finding out. And now cause I have nothing interesting to say, links:

Did you ever get the feeling that behind your back your elementary teacher was swearing about you? Well, you'd be right. Interestingly enough, it's got to be one of the older blogs on the interweb (going back to 2001). Course I remember back when they were called me-zines and grizzled old man Kaus would shoot you full of buckshot for stealing his apples.

Here's an interesting pair of blogs. She's a sex-crazed housewife and she's a right-wing nutjob. So how are they connected? They're the same person! Only in Texas.

There's a wonderfully nasty New Yorker review of Star Wars. Also bear in mind that his broader point is critiquing the first 3, because I think it fails with IV-VI.

Oh and if you have amazon.com accounts give this book five stars. It's not particularly well-written (actually stratch that, it's horribly written) but it's being spam-reviewed by angry red-staters because it's about oral sex. That's serious stuff, the only President impeached last century was impeached over blow jobs. Now out of respect for my past 14-year-old self, I dislike novels about high-school kids getting head out of principle. But when I see the shit going down at that site...

* out of ***** Don't buy it unless you're going to burn it, May 25, 2005
Reviewer: PAUL C. FRY (Cleveland, OH USA) - See all my reviews

One reason that I'm giving this a lousy review because I'm a parent. I've got two boys so far; I don't want either of them giving or getting oral sex when they're teenagers. Or ever for that matter.

Would this book make every reader engage in oral sex? Maybe not, but this book glamorizes it. Is that the author's intention? Maybe not, but honestly I have no idea what goes through the mind of a writer to make him want to write smut like this. Kids have enough trouble without fanning the flames of their passions and telling them that dangerous and immoral behavior is OK.


Bear in mind (most of) these people haven't even read the book. So my five-star rating canceled out that guy's. I'm proactive!


6 feet under 

Don't worry kids Uncie Box ain't dead (not any more) he's just been mad busy working at the Red Guitar as we slowly approach opening day. The place is really looking good, all the serious renovations are done we continue to paint, sand, drywall, clean and paint some more. Each day I return home covered in paint. During the weekends I have spent about 20 hours in a pit in the front yard digging for a water pipe the needs replacing, thing is the pipe is 90 years old and 6 feet under the ground. I've pulled out a lot of earth, probably 4 tons.

I'm still waiting to hear from Killbear or cadets in Kingston. Fuckers.


Some occurences of note; 

Item. I got $75 back from HydroAwesomeOne from my energy deposit. In my brain it was free money from jesus so I bought Louis Riel: A Comic Strip Biography. It is very very very good. It was also very very very expensive ($60). This is because, I later discovered, it is a signed and numbered (#57 of 400) limited edition hardcover copy. While I enjoyed it greatly, I kind of wish I had just bought the new Wake instead ($20) and had more money. Especially since

Item. I went out with Saka yesterday and had a friggen blast. It was a lil' weird at first but once we got warmed up it was great. I bought Criminal Minded (KRS-One and Scott La Rock) and Black Byrd (Donald Byrd) on LP as a gift to me for getting my record player back. We had dinner (I ate veal. Nummy baby cow.) and drank too much. Adele and her friend joined us at some point, and later we went to the Cloak and Dagger for some Strongbow! It was fun. Saka's hot. I might go visit her in Oakville today. Maybe.

Item. I don't know what the fuck is up with the comments. The code is all still fine as far as I can see? Worse comes to worst I'll implement a new comments system. I've had problems with these comments for a long time, what with not accepting some peoples' ip addresses and crap.

Item. Loose talk about Ape Party. Let's do this! Come on! Can I get a What! What! about this from all y'all?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


Graduate student, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways...  

Alright party people, this has got to stop. UofT has to stop letting dumbass graduate students teach courses, even if they're only summer courses. I spent 20 minutes in my lecture which consisted of the fill-in guy putting a slide up on the screen, posing a question that was on that slide, and then spending 10 minutes trying to correctly interpret the question himself. At that point I walked out. I think I might check out the tutorial but that lecture was going absolutely nowhere. Considering I paid a good $40 for that class, it was awfully disappointing.

In case it hasn't been made abundantly clear I'm taking summer courses. I also got a $2 raise recently, woo.


I was just gonna leave a comment 

That thing with the lightsabre fight, wow, that is just awesome. I think stupid people can make life worthwhile sometimes. I mean reading a story like that just makes you so damn happy! Where would we be without idiots to entertain us?

That wasn't really enough to warrant a full post but the comments are hiding right now.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005


Fucking god damn ow ow ow 

Alright Ape-folks, so I did the stupidest thing I've likely ever done today. Coming back from a wholesome dinner at Einstein's, I done was walkin' back to the Bahen Centre where I's do ma thang, and as is my usual way, walking along the top of the (right now empty) moat thingy that forms a pool near the back patio of the building, and runs in a stream down towards College Street. I was walking along the ridge along the edge of the unfilled moat, and lost my footing, fell into the moat and then fell out of it, about 4 feet down. Both knees and an ankle went down as collateral damage, a bad bad scrape on one of them and pretty bad pain on the rest. Oh and my hands feel like shit.

I hobbled back to the building and then hobbled to the washroom, and pulled down my pants to clean off the cut as best I could with soap and water, and some guy comes in, makes a conscious effort to look away, goes to the urinal and then leaves without giving my a second glance. Hello there mister, have you never seen a man's legs before? Some people need to grow up.

...And speaking of idiots, these guys top the charts. Sadly, though a video apparently exists, the BBC does not have it.


I'm Watching... 

The prodigal son returns to blog once more!

Hokay, so what's new with Sam? Well, I've finally purchased "The Watchmen" by Alan Moore, which has long been on top of my "to buy" list. How is it? Well, it's sure as hell by Alan Moore, I'll tell you that much! It's quite fascinating in the way it blends the concepts of vigilanteism, super-heroics, politics, humanity and alternate-history. The art's good, too.

What else? I got a birthday comin' up soon. Just throwin' that out there in case anyone feels compelled to shower me with gifts. I hear that Newsradio is out on DVD now, I could sure use a copy of that...

That's all I got for now. Blog y'all later, when I've got better anecdotes to relate!

Monday, May 23, 2005


Goodwill Hunting 

So, whilst most businesses slumbered sleepily through this Victoria Day "2-4" Monday, The Goodwill was having a 50% off sale. (yay!) Got me a Fern Shirt (The Hawaiian shirt of people with taste), a Nike Polo Shirt (It doesn't count as "buying Nike" if they don't get any money from you). And la piece de resistance was a long-sleeved shirt in the exact same style as my white hat.

Yesterday me ma spread our home-made compost over the yard and it still smells like WWI out there. It made me realize how remarkably inefficient worms and microbes are. It take them a whole year to turn veggebles and such into brown slop and it takes my body less than a day. I know what you'll say next - but those critters can eat eggshells and pistachio shells and nectarine pits and stuff you couldn't handle. No, they can't. At least, not in just a year. The compost-soil is always full of little things like that. Maybe I was wrong about "what you'll say next". Probably it was something more like, "shut the fuck up about compost, this is disgusting".

Feeling mostly better today, but funny enough, sounding worse. I was at the "Don Vito" stage for a brief period, but me voice has improved since then.

Clearly I need to leave the house - I seem to be turning into an oldtimer - look at what I find exciting: Goodwill bargains, compost and bad jokes about my improving health.

Sunday, May 22, 2005


No. Purchase. Necessary.  

So yall know two of my favourite words, especially in combination - "free" and "food". So when that genius ScamMaster Benji told me that you could get the free steaks without buying the 2-4 of Bud Light, I was quite excited. He gave me the phone number (1-800-783-8295) but I'll spare yall the call and give yall the exact details of the promotion.

1) Make a letter with
- your name,
- your return mailing address,
- the statement "I am of legal drinking age in Ontario"
- and your signature.
2) Make a self addressed envelope with 50 cents postage.
3) Mail both of these things in an envelope addressed to:
Bud Light Steak In Case Promotion
P.O. Box 850
Moncton, NB
E1C 8N6

Limit 1 per address. May take 2-3 weeks for your steak vouchers to arrive. You get two vouchers for little 6 oz. sirloin steaks at M & M meat shops. Altogether it comes out to $1 in postage.

If anyone thinks they won't be taking advantage of this opportunity, could they please tell me so that I could get their vouchers? I believe Ben already claimed Jacob the Vegetarian's vouchers...

It's also been proposed several times that we could all pool our little steaks together and have a big BBQ. That's cool. I won't be here, though. I'm sending my letter for the vouchers tomorrow and I'm gone in a week.

I AM going to be back on June 12-14 - this I know fer sher, it's me sis' graduation (yay!) but we won't have the vouchers by then, either. However, we will still have a stuntariffic party of some kind.

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a gorilla with no superego.