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Saturday, October 30, 2004


Bi-weekly Blatherings. 

I'm sooooooooo tired.

So I've forgotten about Ape seeing as the mid-term monster was out to kill me. I failed Linear Algebra, but I think I can pull my socks up before the final. Maybe going to class would be a start. Though I need to go to a different section, if I do - the lecture I'm enrolled in is essentially an asylum escapee with a thick accent and a, uh, passion for math. "YOU MAY ZINK I AM A LEETLE ECK-ZENTRIC, YES?" he yells at the class. Right.

I don't really have much interesting to say. Saw Matt Good and Limblifter last weekend and that was teh rock. Auf der Maur also played, and despite the fact that Melissa is a sexy beast, she can't write songs to save her life. MG was awesome despite some of the concert's attendees being morons, and Limblifter were wicked awesome. I highly recommend you chizzeck out their new album I/O.

Finally, today I heard the William Hung album. His rendition of Hotel California makes the baby Jesus cry. My advice is just say no.


The Interview 

So a lot of us have been asking, "Where's Matthew?" and "Why isn't he posting on Ape these days?". I sat down to an interview with the illusive figure to answer these questions. What he he told me was that he's been too busy working the grave yard shift at Zellers - the rest of the interview proceeded like this:

Renny says:
you didn't get some girl knocked up, did you?

ShellBrains says:
no, what leads you to ask this?

ShellBrains says:
I just needed money to buy all the shit I've been planning to get for the last two years

Renny says:
like diapers and a stroller?

ShellBrains says:
like a new moniter for my computer and a variety of other electronics

ShellBrains says:
Also, I sleep much better than I used to

Renny says:
because you only sleep during the day?

Renny says:
like a vampire or a crackhead?

ShellBrains says:
I prefer the term "night-owl"

Renny says:
is that why you never post on ape anymore?

ShellBrains says:
I don't post on Ape because I recently just haven't had anything to say

ShellBrains says:
I still read it every day

Renny says:
i think your struggle to work a night shifty at zellers to support your upcoming child is "something to say"

ShellBrains says:
I don't have an upcoming child. Let go of the damn baby.

Renny says:
you're having an abortion done?

ShellBrains says:
And I don't really think you want to read a blow by blow account of an eight hour Zellers shift

Renny says:
eight hours of anxiety where you decide to do the abortion?

Renny says:
I think we do

ShellBrains says:
When did you suddenly decide that I had somehow become an irresponsible sex god?

Renny says:
when you admitted it just now

Renny says:
ok, gtg

Friday, October 29, 2004


This is weird 

So I stumbled upon this. It is really very creepy, i'm not doen reading it all yet, but yeah, very bizzare...



Two days, two concerts 

So the last few days have been pretty action-packed, what with the Roots and the Unicorns and all. The Roots were fantastic. The sound system was less so. Regardless, they still put on an amazing show, and played for like, two hours. The solos were also awesome, as Leo mentioned previously. All I can say badly about it, other than the 45 minute, almost an hour delay, was that terrible Martin Luther interlude where he sang some awful RnB track.

The Unicorns were quite excellent also, playin' along with Noah 23 (wicked) and the Besnard Lakes (aight), and some little tykes from Manitoba or something that couldn't decide whether they liked the Unicorns or Linkin Park more. However, Linkin Park won the day (boo.)

Sobre this time, the show was pretty great. There were a bunch of new tracks, and a ten minute intro into Haunted House (this whole sequence where they called each other on the phone. In the original song, it was pretty short, just like, "wanna go to that haunted house?" "okay." This time, there was a whole three way multicall and talk about the eclipse and "what you doin'?" and misunderstandings and HILARITY.) Plus for the last song, people rushed the stage, they got Noah 23 to do a freestyle to "I Was Born (A Unicorn) and then we all crouched down and exploded at the same time.

Well worth the 8 bucks and the ickle teenies that flooded the place.


SCOOP YEAH! 

So tonight I had to make a choice:
1) Write my (atlantic) history essay (on the idea of natural slavery and native americans)
2) Study for my (medivael) history test that's tmr (er today).

Naturally I chose 3) Make a movie. It's not a very good movie, graphically I mean. A little shaky and only still images moving around with a music background and only a minute. Still, I think it's pretty funny and was worth 3 hours of my time tonight. If it wasn't for work I'd never get anything done. If anyone wants to see it I have a 250 meg version and a (more managable) 20 meg version. Both .movs, but I can pretty much make any format your computer needs. So if you want to see it I could probably e-mail it your gmail.

I probably should really be studying for my midterm, but statistics sapped my will. I thought I did badly on it, but I actually did well. So that pretty much destroys my incentive to study. The stats midterm proved my theory that it's always good to write something, anything, down. They wanted me to standardize a variable and I had no idea how. So I put something like, "To standarize a variable I'd teach it to have self esteem. Maybe then they'd get some standards". Got me a mark. (1 out of 5 granted). Also my notes aren't particularly good for history. Although not as bad as my econ notes which contains this beautiful gem: "How does equal ∆ when npf's ∆s".

Finally for some reason I volunteered to be editor of the co-op newspaper, Scoop (It's funny cause it's also an abbreviation of Science-44 CO-OP). So any ideas from any of you? Leo, what are syndication rights on the young and the wretched?

Thursday, October 28, 2004


Goin' Ape 

It seems that the showing of the UFA movie will be Friday at 1:00 pm at Roncesvalles at the revue cinema. This is not 100%, it's patched together from information from an email and phone calls. Anyways, you're encouraged to do your own further investigation through the surly secretaries.

UFA - 416-393-0430

P.S. Me and WB got to see Yerk short films, drink two premium pints (almost three for WB) and stuff our faces with wings all for $5. Cinesiege was great.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


I Try to Get Out... 

...But They Pull me Back In!

I haven't played a game of Magic for over 6 years (asides from isolated incidents with my younger cousin), I haven't even THOUGHT of the Star Trek game until yesterday, and yet here I am, swindled into buying "Pirates of the Spanish Main". Damn you Neil! Damn you Meyers! Now I'm hooked into yet another shamefully enjoyable pastime!

In other news, my new job is good. I'd say it's about the only job I've ever had that doesn't fill me with violent revenge fantasies. Also, i met my idol today: These six pople come into the café, and one of them has scarring over the right half of his face that makes it look kind of like a skull, and talks in the most gravely voice imaginable. The first thing he says to me is "so is that beard real, or do you just paint it on every morning?" As everyone is ordering, he starts making grossly inappropriate jokes about masturbation and, when someone orders water, warns them that fish fuck in it. Also, he left a big tip. My new idol.

P.S. I'm in for tomorrow, if anything's goin down.


The hot - hot music 

The Roots rocked. After about 45 minutes of technical boondoggles and a roadie coming up to just tell us to hold on and then saying "you guys probably hate me." It was very schlubbish and the audience was more than happy to jeer the tech guy. We took a different approach and shouted together at him to play Mambo # 5. The roadie did not oblige.
The whole Roots band has their solos and everything and so you have these demonstrations of raw skills amidst a hip hop show that flows and mixes everything. Covers from Jay-Z to "Whole Lotta Love".

P.S. UFA's movie is showing at the Bloor Cinema tomorrow night at 7:00 pm. SO - I will find out what the procedure is in terms of acquiring tickets / showing up, whatever and then dispatch one of you guys to go to UFA if need be.

Monday, October 25, 2004


In my element 

On Saturday I went to Octoberfest at the Peterborough Armoury, it was held in the posh Senior Ranks Mess, where I am now a member. We ate, drank, danced the polka, drank, ate some more and drank a lot more. Once the place had started to clear out the Company Sergeant Major and one of the platoon commanders, took myself, my friend Kimi and another Sea Cadet officer down to a tightly sealed back room. This room was the simulation range, where the company does their familiarization weapoms training. The system works like a very advanced arcade game. The Sergeant Major hooked up various weapons used by the army. We got to try out the C7 rifle (the Canadian improved M16), C6 general purpose machine gun, C9 light machine gun, and the C7 with the M203 grenade laucher attachment. At first Kimi dismissed my joy as "boys and their toys" that was until she sat down with with the C6, then she didn't want to leave. The weapons have a CO2 piston inside so that you actually feel the recoil.

We got to play out several different scenarios, punch holes in trucks and shoot down helicopters. It was so much fun.


Gettin' mah l33+ HTML s|<1LLz on!! 

Wow, I've never felt like more of a computer nerd. Or more smug. Ahaha.

Our assignment in CS was to build a web site. I have a rather good looking T.A. Throw the two together and you've got - Ash's SUPER site. Well, not quite.

Anyhoo, I survived 4 midterms + a chem lab write up + an essay + another cs assignment + a project proposal --- ALL of which were due last week and I began on SUNDAY. So, things are looking good.

AND NEXT WEEKEND I'm hittin up the Tea Party world tour (and this time Ben, I'm doing it RIGHT. I have a DIGITAL camera and I *WILL* be in the front row) aaaaaaand the Rocky Horror Picture Show. So far I've got my socks. And 6 days to figure out the rest. Ohhhh my. Good times.

Anyways, take care y'all and I'll see ya in the T.Dot at SOME point!
~Ash

Sunday, October 24, 2004


Guess Who's Employed! 

I'll give you a hint: He's blonde, about 5' 7", and he's eating a ham right now! Give up? It's me! Starting wednesday, I'm working at the Studio 99 restaurant as a waiter. So fie on all of you what said I couldn't do it! Fie! From now on, It'll be Jack Daniel's every weekend and pepto bismol every monday! Wooooo!

Also, feel free to visit me. It's on Yonge street somewhere between Bloor and Queen.

Woooooo!

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a gorilla with no superego.