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Saturday, May 01, 2004


A subtle statement 

Here's my new thing: 40 oz bottles of Heineken. I saw one for the first time today on the steps of Jane station. Now if that isn't a statement, I don't know what is. Heineken, a premium (ish) beer, in a 40 oz get-trashed-in-a-train-station bottle. It's for the man (or woman) who wants people to know, "I'm a cheap drunk, but a premium cheap drunk!"

Also today I so a guy today with the biggest fucking nose ever, it was like 2/3 of his face. He looked like a cartoon character. Honestly, this was incredible. And not only that, he was PURPLE, not bruised purple, but a vibrant purple. This wasn't painted on or anything either, it was splotchy, some kind of skin condition? It was awesome, anyway.


Googled? 

Finally, a chance to outshine that other Sam Linton who's a baptist minister! Who's your messiah NOW, God-boy?

Seriously, if we can be googled, we should start using turns of phrase that people would search for in quotation marks in a google search (song lyrics, dialogue, that sort of thing). That'll get us the world recognition we (I) so sorely crave, right?


We're on google! 

So I was on google, and I discovered that we are on it. Alas, we are but 41th for "goin' ape". But we we're the first hit for:
"Gum Instead of Sex"
[Deleted]
"Neverwinter Supernumeraries"
"Hov Some Keyke Nyah Gurl"
"Ken Ho's hookah"
Plus we're 7th for:
"john travolta" "mikhail gorbachev" "marilyn manson"

This brings my dream of us having a cult reader somewhere in Indianna who stumbled across us while trying to research his conspiracy theory of an iron triangle between Scientology, the Soviet Union and Shitty Music (S3) that threatens to enslave the world.


A Message to You, Dub-Bee 

If you don't let any clowns into your organization, you'll only be left with creeps.


Hooray for TUSPA 

That's it! Next year I'm starting the Trent University Straight People Association and Resource Centre (NO CLOWNS ALLOWED) to address the issues that straight people deal with on a daily basis. The student government will have to give me money.

That clown appears to be going through hyperspace or warpdrive or some such sci-fi terminology.

I've been cleaning the house all morning in further preparation for the arrival of my grandparents. My hands smell like bleach.


Oops. There are 3 T's in the acronym but I only gave 2 words. The missing T is for "Two-Spirited" i.e. gay Indians (feather not dot).


Instant Messenger Trickery and Clowns 

Given the number of times I've been tricked on MSN, I don't know if it's a good idea that it's the medium of communication de jour. I mean I had this conversation with my "friend" that turned out to be "my friend's sister". He had left his MSN, or as she said later "He LEFT it on. He NDPed it on" (Great girl, but not great in the humour section). Anyway, she asked me which of "his" sisters I liked best and luckily I gave the right answer (i.e. her). Besides half the time on MSN I'm not even paying attention. So it would suck if it resulted in contractual obligations and the such.

There are two types of clowns: Crazy psychotic clowns and Gay clowns. Now how'd they screw that one up? And they screwed it up. Millions of 'festive' clowns to choose from and they pick IT. And what's with the LGBTQ business? Q? Who's not Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transexual but is "Queer"? That's notwithstanding the fact the official acronym has now ballooned to LGBTTTIQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual Transgendered Intersexual and Queer). Christ. What's next "S" for Straight?

Friday, April 30, 2004


What the hell is up with that duck? 

"A wooden duck. Not even a real duck, it's a fuckin' fake duck!" -- Tim

I had my calculus exam yesterday. It stole my soul, and possibly my manhood too. So what did we do after it? Well, what do we always do? We bitched about it for 3 hours. While getting rip roarin' drunk! We had a few pitchers, a whole bunch of us, and then 4 of us went to the LCBO, got more beer, and sat on the Comp Sci lounge balcony getting even more plastered. It was awesome. We've decided to start a frat - we're calling it Delta Epsilon. See my earlier post for the rationale behind that name. You know, the post that Leo got all pissy about.

So we were just looking at the UofT Student Affairs site, and we can't figure out why "Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer Resources" are one of the only 6 icons that appear on their nav bar. I mean, accessibility services, fine, those people have it bad enough. But if you're gay and looking for the club, well... you shouldn't have that hard a time finding it. Furthermore, we can't figure out why this photo is on the LGBTQ page:



That's just disturbing on so many levels, man.

So peacock clowns aside, I'm done exams. Had my last one today, after the rip roarin' drunk evening last night. It was too long, but it was alright. I'm going to head home.


Probably with my own knife too... 

Yeah, Meyers is probably right about my fate.

Thats all I got for now...


BANG! GUNSHOT! 

Well, summer gets under way with nice weather and all. Went to see The Barbarian Invasions. Great film. I have all these films to see this summer. Tryna get as many as I can from the library. Spike Lee, Martin Scorcese, Oliver Stone. All these big names in film that film students should be really familiar with. The library wouldn't let me put a hold on The Godfather. Anyone have it? I used to have a real prejudice against watching movies by yourself. Like it was anti-social, unwholesome and wrong. Now that I look at films differently I feel like some films shouldn't be social events. Some of them deserve your whole, undivided attention, just like a book.
Naomi - I know a girl who got dumped from a year long relationship over MSN, so certainly, MSN counts in today's world. In some ways it's more formal than spoken communication because there's an actual record of all the exchanges. But yes, in this case you definitely did get Trapped.
Sam - I guess that'll teach you a valuable lesson about being a Space-Case.


Meaningless Filler 

Why didn't I go to Mandarin sooner? To quote Ben "it was like an orgasm in my mouth!" Seriously, that place is like, the best restaurant I've ever been to! It's got an attractive wait-staff (on average), more meats than I could possibly eat (and believe me, I TRIED), delicious desserts, a "salute to shrimp", and it was all you can eat! Man, it's not often I have an opportunity to let my gluttony Go completely Ape, but when it does, it does.

Other than that, there is great disorder under heaven and the situation is excellent.

Blogging, Where the Mundane Becomes Magical!™


First Aid Awesomeness 

Since I left home in september my parents turned my bedroom into the guest bedroom. My grandparents are staying over this weekend and will stay in my/the guest room so I have spent most of the last week cleaning it in preparation for their arrival. While cleaning today I came across the Military First Aid textbook I got during my Air Cadet Athletic Instructor course in 2002. As I was going through the book today I found a lot of great pictures.

The first two I found were these two they are also among my favourites


This guy reminds me on Neil, except he's got a real mustache. I'm putting money on Neil having the same fate as this guy.


I like the look of absolute shock on this dude's face, I also like the splattering exit wound.


There is also a section on STDs. The book provides some situations when discussing condom use with a partner.

Partner:Wearing a condom is like wearing a raincoat in the shower.
You: Well, put on a raincoat honey and let's take a shower.

Partner: By the time I get it on I don't feel like sex any more.
You: Let's see if we can set a new speed record. Besides, if we feel strongly about each other, we'll stay in the mood.

more great pictures to follow


Gawd Bless the Canadian Forces.

Thursday, April 29, 2004


PUNK PUNK HEADBANG OI 

More punk music.

Oatmeal raisin cookies. I had forgotten how fantastic they are. The cookies I ate today were alright-- better than normal cookies, but below the quality I'm used to for Busket Bakery. I've been going there for years (mostly as a reward for going to church) but being as I've been skipping out on church so much the last couple months (thank god. Or not.) I hadn't been in ages.. so the cookies brought back memories of bliss and orgasms in my mouth-- erm, let me rephrase that.

We should get back into drawing round table comics, guys. We should get REALLY drunk and draw like, three at once. And we have to finish it. That has to be the rule-- we MUST finish it. Too many great works have been left incomplete: Chillin' and Illin' in 1991 (Starring MCA and Chuck D), The Biography of Dave Sim (Kill/Freedom!), The Pirates of Smuggler's Cove, Charon: The comic. All masterpieces in the making. All ended before their time.

A moment of silence for comics lost, especially Box-o, which has disappeared into the mists of time.


If only I had known that MSN conversations were the basis for life planning.... 

So, I had been considering moving out and on my own with a couple of friends. I think everyone toys with the idea, if not acts upon it. I was talking to a particular friend of mine over MSN, saying I would definitely think about it. The other person we would live with wasn't available to talk to, so we assumed he'd be interested for the time being. No big deal. Overnight, I talked to my boyfriend about it and decided that cool as it would be, it would be better for us to stay in our respective positions and live where we are now. I mean, as a would be artist and a would be writer, we're not going to exactly be rich. Better save what money we can now, right? So the next day, I went online and told her this perspective. She then flipped out, saying she had accepted a place at George Brown that day, only on the grounds that we were all *definitely* going to share a place. I asked her how on earth she came to that conclusion, and she said she had specifically told me that the other person involved was up for it. No discussion over rent, no discussion over rules, where we would live, when we would look for a place, nothing. She assumed one chat over MSN would be enough to make life changing decisions about. We had never talked as a group about it. Am I wrong in finding this unreasonable? Gah. I was having a really nice day until this stressed me out, and I figured I'd vent to you intelligent folks as a sounding board.

Oh well, it's still a nice day. Whatever, right? I hope you all enjoyed the incredible weather out! =)

Nanaimo


A Funny Thing Happened to Me Today... 

So I'm just walking around downtown with my head in the clouds around Yonge and Bloor, right? Anyways, I see in my peripheral vision a rather large crowd of onlookers, both male and female, pretty much just standing there and gawking. I couldn't see what they were gawking at and, given that I was pretty much lost in my own head at the time, I didn't make any special effort to find out. So anyways, I push my way through the crowd in an effort to make it to the traffic light, when my mind, which was clearly seeing something I wasn't, causes me to do an involuntary double-take.

Now, to understand why there was a gawking crowd, you must understand that, despite the fact that it is perfectly legal in T.O., one rarely sees a topless woman walking around downtown, let alone one who's interviewing people for television. Yup, nothin' makes yer day complete like walking into a Naked News™ taping!

I also bought an awesome Imperial Japanese shirt button for my jacket. It's really rockin'. You should see it sometime.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004


Qui divinum et admirabile Dei opus 

Thank you Dave. I have a couple of quibbles though about your Opus Dei post.

It was my understanding that Mel Gibson was a member of a schismatic group of Catholics traditionalists who rejected the reforms of Vatican II. Given that Mel Gibson was raised in a household which saw all the post-Vatican II popes as heretical anti-popes propped up by a diabolical conspiracy of Jews and Masons, I doubt that Gibson would be a member of a Catholic (though conservative) organization like the Opus Dei (though their founder also had problems with Vatican II). As well, it was my understanding that Opus Dei did not conceal the identity of their members (e.g. like Mother Teresa) and as such would reveal whether or not Mel Gibson was a member.

It's a bit unfair to call the Opus Dei a "cult". Unlike the mafia they don't go around killing people (outside of the Da Vinci Code that is). And unlike the Scientologists they haven't inflicted Battlefield Earth upon us. Opus Dei is a personal prelature (Ironically, introduced by the same Vatican II that Mel Gibson rejects) not a diocese, which is a specific territorial area. And while Opus Dei does report to the Pope (as do other prelates, such as bishops) individual Opus Dei members are responsible to their bishop. Certainly they are an ultraconservative organization that does have members that pratice some rather bizzare self-flaggelation stuff (Though I'd never heard that it was ever banned by the Church). Christopher Hitchens suggests that the movie is focused "on the gruesome reality of Christ's death" (as you put it) because of Gibson's "massively repressed homoerotic fantasies" and offers some details to back it up.


Sage-like Equilibrium 

There is a time and a place for all, friends. Drunken, stoned making out is not mutually exclusive to good clean fun. I seem to recall a winter night spent playing Hitchhiker that I found to be very fun. So too was last night's drinking + blowing shit up.

But I really have to take a break for a while, to ease off both the wallet and the crusty morning feeling.

Come back to me, John Allison! Even Jeffery Rowland cannot more than imitate your clever witticisms and non-sequiturs, your mix of pure logic and fantastical absurdity! Nor can he recreate your sexy, robut-assisted style with his otherwise pretty good drawin's. Please don't stay away long. I.... I need you.


Wild 'n' Crazy Fun 

Box, frontin' like a drug-free role model! You disgust me, you liar! I saw you gettin' sauced and blowin' things up recently. As far as telling people off/horrible things when you're drunk, this is what we live for! I still hafta try the drunken random make-out but in principle I can see nothing wrong with it.


False alarm. 

It appears our tainted poutine encounter was a fluke. We got the good stuff again last night. All is well in the universe.

Alcohol greases the wheels in just about any situation. Fun can be had without boozing it up, but your fun can generally be exponentially increased via alcohol. Especially if you're not the one drinking it. It's great to see drunk friends flying off the handle while you yourself are in control, because it means you can fuck with them. Ah yes. Alcohol is a grand old thing.


Good Clean Fun 

I'm with you Shirin. Fun can be had without the aid of alcohol.

One night in res this year Heather, Emily and I were the only ones around and playing our own game of "Hide-from-Devon" so we locked ourselves in Heather's room and played SkipBo while listening to Michael Jackson. SkipBo is a card game, but not using a deck of regular cards, apparently it's from the makers of Uno. Also we tobogganed and played capture the flag, neither of which we did after drinking.

and just so I can beat Neil to the Simpsons quote

"Ah beer, the cause of and solution to all of life problems"

Tuesday, April 27, 2004


I think he spelled it right, guys.. 

Hemoglobin? as in blood, right? yeah? from Biology class? last year? yes? maybe? perhaps? so so?

Whatever.

So, here's my post:

Wow, we have new people! and how.

Oh the drama that is my life, blah blah blah,

I have a half a jug of white grape juice I should be chugging right now...

I'm getting really sick and tired of going to parties where all we do is drink/get drunk/make out while CLEARLY drunk/ and do other shameful stuff, which nearly always ends up being something you regret. I would love to have a party of good old fashioned FUN. I know it sounds weird, especially coming from the very girl who got her friends into drinking at parties, but you know, drinking gets really boring after too many jaunts. It's like... you get tired of making stupid decisions and screwing up things. I duno. It's probably just me and my particular crew of people.. we probably have too many parties too close together... but.. hopefully Lina will be having an all girls/CLEAN FUN party for her b day or sommat... Looking forward to that.

I like laughing just because of some stupid thing... like ergo, or visa vi, or "nuh-uh what up g? you can't handle it!" If I had larry the architect with me at parties, I wouldn't need to drink. He's my anti-drug.

Oh man... cheese talk on blog? I'm lovin' it, as JT the sellout would say...

well I have some serious grape juice drinking business to take care of... and it's only 8:11pm. This might be a while. I'll fill you in later.


How do you fuck up poutine? LET'S FIND OUT! 

The folks at Einstein's sure found a way.

So Tim and I wander into Einstein's last night around 8:45 looking for our fix of beer and poutine. We decide to order the poutines in series, not in parallel, since we've noticed the two of us tend to each get less when we place two simultaneous orders. So we each get one, and start digging in. "This tastes... odd," I remark, having become intimately familiar with the dish as served by our local watering hole.

"Yeah... the cheese, it's got a bit of an aftertaste," says Tim.

The two of us had to stop when we'd downed about half of it, the taste became so sickening. We pointed out to our server that we thought their cheese had gone bad. No, that wasn't the case she told us, they'd switched to old cheddar. That explains it, we thought.

Wait, no it doesn't. Old cheddar on poutine? The taste is way too sharp! You stupid bastards! We asked if perhaps we could just get the mozzarella next time, but apparently they're pre-mixed. Yet another good thing ruined. I guess it's fries and gravy minus cheese, next time.

Let's see. Jacob, congratulations on getting a job working for the hobgoblin (or is it the homogoblin?). Benji, congrats on the acceptance, but do try and get in downtown, so you can attend my martini parties. Jacob, buy her the damned alcohol, try and make a buck if you can (though it sounds you've made your decision). Also, take the damned Gmail account, in case that wasn't entirely obvious. Then Rot13 all your mail so that they can't parse it and show you content-sensitive ads.

I figured something out last night. The whole issue of the Passion of the Christ a.k.a. the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre (great article, you should all read it) became clear. Why would someone make such a gory piece of trash and claim it as a grand religious epic? Because Mel Gibson is a cultist, of course! Yes, not only is Mel Gibson a Catholic, but he's allegedly a member of Opus Dei (translated, 'the work of God') - tantamount to a Catholic version of some combination of the Church of Scientology, the mafia, and/or the Illuminati. They're a "floating prelature", a diocese that answers to none but the Pope; their founder, one Josémaria Escriva, a fascist priest from Spain, openly praised Hitler (who was canonized by John Paul II in record time following his death - only took two years as opposed to the usual 50+). They're also big on the "piety = pain" bit (practicing corporal mortification, which has been outlawed in the Church since the 14th century). So it makes sense that a film by an OD member would focus on the gruesome reality of Christ's death and not anything more productive, like perhaps the message of tolerance that he preached. It all makes sense now.

Tim is now an hour late for our calculus session. Time to call him and figure out where the hell he is. Later folks.


His Questions Answered, Exeunt Jacob 

Thanks for the advice all. I, Mr. "2+4=6", probably shouldn't be suspecting anybody of not knowing much about alcohol. Aviva certainly knows more than I did at her age, and I'm pretty sure she's been drinking for quite some time (The 'rents found an empty mickey of vodka in her room after the semi-formal). So if I'm going to put in a mark-up, it'd be an upfront pigovian type of thing (not alas, yielding the money to pay for all you guys, which otherwise would be my greatest delight). I guess she'll get it from someone and if I were really serious about wanting her not to drink than I'd have to set an example by abstaining from drink myself (which, I don't really want to do). Plus, by being the alcohol-provider instead of Leo, I keep him away from my sister and her friends.

Blogger just offered me a gmail account. I feel so honoured.

Monday, April 26, 2004


Goin' UOin' 

"CORP POR!"

God it's been a long time. The question is, am I willing to sacrifice hours of sunshine and people to a game that will mean I'm cooped up in my basement all summer? It's weird...I *crave* it. If that isn't a sign of addiction, I don't know what is. I still call it the greatest game I've ever played, and somehow...the want to play it is still crawling through my veins, even FOUR years later. I should just read a good book.

See, I thought I was free. Two days ago I chucked out the cd, convinced once and for all I wouldn't play. I had an amazing account too...GM mage, a house, a bunch of magic items, and half a million dollars. Plus access to this crazy rune library, and a bunch of rich and powerful acquaintances. But it seems that every time summer rolls around, the urge comes back. And OUR Ben calling me and telling me he'd found a free server didn't help matters at all.

Massive addictions aside, Jacob, I say get your sis the coolers, or beer (I love beer! All thanks to Bud ;) <- just for you Dave) but nothing hard. It'd be a tad hypocritical for you not to help her out. We'll see what happens when my little sis turns 15/16...perhaps I'll eat my words then. Also, a word of advice: keep Leo away from your sis. I'll leave it at that.

Job hunt isn't going so great...but I'm at pizza hut wed/thurs/fri/sat...so that will be interesting. I love how Anthony (my manager. I have a few choice words for him at the moment, but on a totally unrelated topic) threw 350 dollars of cash into a box, handed it to me, and then had me go back home from KING AND BATHURST on a streetcar. I threw it in a pizza hut bag to divert suspicion - and cringed every time it jangled and people would turn and look at me. I made it home alive, thankfully.

On another note, I'm working at the Kool Haus next week...selling pizza...by myself...eep...but there isn't anything good on that I'm aware of. However, on May 26th the Offspring will be there. Anthony made some empty promise about getting me and my friends in for free (he's working that concert), so anyone who is interested, holler.

Anyways, Imma off to sleep. Maybe a bit of Mists of Avalon before then - I'm still only 600 pages bloody in.

Night all!!


Oh the Beauty of the Service Industry 

Hello everyone! Since I finished my exams, I obviously haven't been on campus much (alright, so for the entire winter term I wasn't there much, and for that I apologise). Instead, you can find me at the Laura Secord/Hallmark store in the Bloor West Village, pretending that every item in there is not an overpriced, useless piece of crap. Though for all you fellow chocolate lovers, I'm telling you, their out of season sales are the shiznak.

As for the automated call about a moving company, we got that same call at my place...that and a call from every other fucker of a telemarketer, averaging three a day. What makes me sad is that these companies generally target lonely seniors. *Pounds fists onto chest* GOES APE! The nice thing is, I live with my sister who has such a strange last name that a telemarketer is instantly recognizable by thier sad attempt at pronouncing it.

I'd write more but I'm being told to go offline and make a phone call...it will be nice to get high speed relatively soon! As a closing thought, if you're too poor to buy drugs, you can get the same effect by watching the Electric Company around 5 am. Trippy, man.

Nanaimo


Renny's Corner, Advice for the Young & the Wretched 

Box! I had an automatic telephone call that was a recording from a moving service! I'm almost certain it's against the law, that's why they don't happen very often. Oooh, Jacob! (I have a feeling at least a couple of you were waiting for me to weigh in on this one.) Promise to buy her liquor only if she introduces you to her friends! And take a mark-up, but don't underestimate them that much. Just because Neil had no idea what alcohol cost when he was 15 does not make every 15 year old that naive. Scope it out and then take as much extra money as you feel you can. Personally, I am of the belief that alcohol should be available to thirteen year olds and the extra revenue generated by the government should go towards funding the education they're missing because they're drunk. Honestly, when I look back at my life in high school, my only regrets are that I spent too little time inebriated. Grade 10 is the perfect time to get drunk and/or high. In grade 10 your marks are still meaningless, but you're old enough to not be totally overwhelmed by the alcohol / drugs experience.
Finally, Jacob, if you don't buy alcohol for your sister and her friends, I will.
- Renny Monster, 2004

P.S. I pencilled the "fetus" comic strip for [Sam's 'zine?]. Hopefully it will see publication in a campus paper next year. I wanted to call the continuous strip "Well Known Asshole", but i don't think the campus papers would allow that. Instead I'm going with "The Young & the Wretched" which I feel is reasonably clever in an obvious kind of way. Hopefully no one's used the title for something major yet.


Grrr Stupid People 

Riding the subway today I saw one of those dumbfucks with the UofT Enineering Skule letter jackets. I could just imagine him scrawling "2 KEWL 4 SKULE" on a park bench. It's not very reassuring that the engineers of the future have little value for basic literacy, or maybe it's just the engineers at UofT, though I've heard that most engineering student are real cum receptacles.

When I got home I checked the answering machine and heard this

"'allo, oui, 'allo zees ees Jean-Pierre calling from Authentic (I think that's what he said, though it may have been Athletic) Moovairs. Aye ham sorry I zat I meesed you, I joost vanted too eenform you about our fantasteek mooving sairveece...so plees call Jean-Pierre at foor-won-seex-ate-foor-ate-ate-foor-zeero-ate" and so on. This guy had the heaviest French accent I have ever heard outside of a movie, in which context it would have been used for comic relief. What's odd is my parents just finished renovating the kitchen and aren't even looking to move.

Way to go Binje, you will soon escape the drudgery of high school and with it the petty bickering and politics of childhood and enter the higher stakes politics of university life. One more educated Awfulist, the world should be very afraid.


also, Jacob, you are a dead man for saying "T-Dot"


Matt makes a good point. 

First thing, Congrats Benji!

Now for the rest, just a couple things for Jacob here. Does your sister know how much liquor costs? No, she does not, she only knows that its expensive. So if she and her friends (she's drinking with friends right?) pay $5.00 dollars a cooler (what else are they going to drink, they're 15 or 16 year old girls) thats all well and good. Then you take this 100% markup and use it to buy yourself alchol. Also I agree with Meyers, you should become a squire.

Now that we're all back in Toronto we should do some official Goin' Ape event! I've heard some talk of bowling in the near future, I say we should be Goin' Ape goin' bowling!

And maybe the beer can be on Jacob because he'll have a lot of extra money after charging his sister ridiculous prices for alchohol...


Speaking of Victory! 

Jacob: I think they can hold out till they're 18 or so, people change quite a bit between the ages of 15-18.

I got my fucking acceptance letter to UofT Scarborough for Social Sciences! It's not quite the acceptance letter I was hoping for but I'll take it if I get nothing from Erindale - Psyche or St.George - Psyche. Man that made my day!


On to VIctory 

I noticed a spelling errors in Jacob's post. When he said "hemoglobin" I'm pretty sure he meant "hobgoblin research" or possible "homogoblin research".

How often are we in Canada in the presence of a dude who's been knighted? Jacob, you must seize this opportunity and offer him your services as a squire so that one day you can gain glory and honour on the battlefield aginast sunburn.


I'd buy them beer. 

If they want to pay for beer, let 'em pay for beer. It keeps the money in circulation, which is the important thing, and you can always inflate the price a little. No reason why you can't profit from your sister's foolishness. Just don't buy it for her if she's stupid, you don't want her getting caught and admitting that you bought her alcohol. If she dies just tell yourself it would have happened anyway.

Ben and I were both talkative when we were little, and we made all kinds of trouble. I trapped him in a cupboard once, for instance. Another time we caused a small panic in a hospital by pulling an emergency cord and then running off. Good days.

Sunday, April 25, 2004


Back in the T-Dot 

Well, I'm back in Toronto. It's kinda sad that university's over, but also I'm sure summer's going to be great. I'm going to be working at Toronto General, in Hemoglobin research. I'm just glad I got the job. At the interview they asked me why I wanted to work for them and my mind went blank. I was like, "Uh, well, hemoglobin has always been my favourite macromolecule..." And they still gave it to me! On the phone a few days ago I was talking with someone who worked there to find out when I started. She breathlessly informed me that it was going to be a great starting week because "David Weatherall was going to be working with us". To which I responded, "Wow, the David Weatherall! That's amazing" and similar such bullshit. Anyway turns out, Sir David Weatherall is a very big name in the international hemoglobin scene. Which presents a problem, how to I address him? Sir David? M'Lord? Do I have to bow? What about grooming his battlehorse?

Anyway, I have a moral question (there is a precident). My sister wants me to buy her alcohol (well she'd pay). What should I do? I don't want to be "The Man" trying to oppress her or anything, but I don't know if I should be supplying her. I mean, when I was 16 (or er- 15 whichever age she is) I'd have liked to have a 19-year old brother to buy me alcohol. Or would I have? Maybe I wouldn't have. Anyway, that's not the point, earlier this school year I'd certainly have liked to have an older brother that could've bought it. I don't know if I approve of my little sister drinking though. But should I allow my hypocrisy to impose its values on others?


I am returned 

Ok, so I'm back, and its the first time in three nights I'm not drinking. Woo. The last two of those nights I drank Maudite, its the 8% Quebec Devil beer with the flying canoe on the label. $5.50 gets a 750 ml bottle. Now heres the crazy part, one, its GOOD beer, it tastes great. Two, that 750ml bottle, which is only a little bigger than two normal beer bottles, gets you good an ripped. So that means that you can get drunk for $5.50 on something taht tastes good, or get SO VERY SHIT-FACED on $11.00. AND IT TATES GOOD!

In closing, I'm going to be drinking Maudite ALL summer long!


Yeah I really was the cutest baby. 

Come on, don't you guys think that Ben the Baby is a hero? That was fucking awesome. For self and kin at 16 months! And he's so smart and eloquent, at such a young age. Reminds me of me. I rock.

Working today, I realized something. If I am forced to resort to Game Centre for the summer, I will kill myself. There will be no standing outside of Baptist churches, nor masturbation. I'll get me a fo' fo' and give 'er. I can't stand that fucking place, I HAVE to get out.

Oh, Neil, if you need a job, I can get you in.


T'ank Jeorb 

All my exams are finally done! Woo-hoo! Yay! Confetti! I'll be all back home by monday eve. Gotta collect my film from the production office. Apparently no-good Lilliana hasn't even included marks with them. Grrrr. Home then begins the task of making my room liveable. It hant been thoroughly cleaned or dusted since grade six. Put up my posters. Watch shows, play vedye games, bowl, rollerblade, scam and stunt until it's time to work. (fingers crossed) Then stunt and scam some more.


SKULE OT4? 

David, seriously, I'd light them on fire. Your bike tires are worth more than their lives. Much, much more.

I actually popped in Commander Keen and played that for a while yestersay. Good times. A lot of old games have more flavour than new games. I always wonder why there is so little innovation in videogaming nowadays. Maybe I'm just an old codger.


Babysittin' 

Last night Dad, Nat and I drove out to Oakvile to baby sit my cousins while their mom and dad went out for dinner. Coincidentally the two boys are named Ben and Leo. Ben is 16 months old and very talkative, Leo is 6 months old, he's the smiliest baby I've ever seen. Both have huge blue eyes and are extremely cute.

Before their parents left we were eating very spicy chips, Ben saw and said he wanted one. We warned him that they were very spicy but he was insistent so dad broke of a piece of chip and gave it to Ben. Ben ate it and mumbled "it's spicy", it was very funny.

Both boys have PJs that say "LOVABLE" on the chest. My aunt Anne told us that on days when they wear their PJs to daycare Ben points to him self and says "Ben is lovable" then points to Leo and says "Leo is lovable" then points to the other kids in the room and says "Jeremy is NOT lovable, Samantha is NOT lovable, Melissa is NOT lovable"

I saw Kill Bill vol. 2 on Friday is was great but would have made a lot more sense if I had seen vol. 1 first.

I am home in Toronto for the summer and looking for a job, I also have to unpack all my crap and eventually take my G1 exit test.

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a gorilla with no superego.