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03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 |
Saturday, May 01, 2004![]() A subtle statement![]() ![]() Also today I so a guy today with the biggest fucking nose ever, it was like 2/3 of his face. He looked like a cartoon character. Honestly, this was incredible. And not only that, he was PURPLE, not bruised purple, but a vibrant purple. This wasn't painted on or anything either, it was splotchy, some kind of skin condition? It was awesome, anyway. ![]() Googled?![]() ![]() Seriously, if we can be googled, we should start using turns of phrase that people would search for in quotation marks in a google search (song lyrics, dialogue, that sort of thing). That'll get us the world recognition we (I) so sorely crave, right? ![]() We're on google!![]() ![]() "Gum Instead of Sex" [Deleted] "Neverwinter Supernumeraries" "Hov Some Keyke Nyah Gurl" "Ken Ho's hookah" Plus we're 7th for: "john travolta" "mikhail gorbachev" "marilyn manson" This brings my dream of us having a cult reader somewhere in Indianna who stumbled across us while trying to research his conspiracy theory of an iron triangle between Scientology, the Soviet Union and Shitty Music (S3) that threatens to enslave the world. ![]() A Message to You, Dub-Bee![]() ![]() ![]() Hooray for TUSPA![]() ![]() That clown appears to be going through hyperspace or warpdrive or some such sci-fi terminology. I've been cleaning the house all morning in further preparation for the arrival of my grandparents. My hands smell like bleach. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Instant Messenger Trickery and Clowns![]() ![]() There are two types of clowns: Crazy psychotic clowns and Gay clowns. Now how'd they screw that one up? And they screwed it up. Millions of 'festive' clowns to choose from and they pick IT. And what's with the LGBTQ business? Q? Who's not Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transexual but is "Queer"? That's notwithstanding the fact the official acronym has now ballooned to LGBTTTIQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual Transgendered Intersexual and Queer). Christ. What's next "S" for Straight? Friday, April 30, 2004![]() What the hell is up with that duck?![]() ![]() I had my calculus exam yesterday. It stole my soul, and possibly my manhood too. So what did we do after it? Well, what do we always do? We bitched about it for 3 hours. While getting rip roarin' drunk! We had a few pitchers, a whole bunch of us, and then 4 of us went to the LCBO, got more beer, and sat on the Comp Sci lounge balcony getting even more plastered. It was awesome. We've decided to start a frat - we're calling it Delta Epsilon. See my earlier post for the rationale behind that name. You know, the post that Leo got all pissy about. So we were just looking at the UofT Student Affairs site, and we can't figure out why "Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer Resources" are one of the only 6 icons that appear on their nav bar. I mean, accessibility services, fine, those people have it bad enough. But if you're gay and looking for the club, well... you shouldn't have that hard a time finding it. Furthermore, we can't figure out why this photo is on the LGBTQ page: ![]() That's just disturbing on so many levels, man. So peacock clowns aside, I'm done exams. Had my last one today, after the rip roarin' drunk evening last night. It was too long, but it was alright. I'm going to head home. ![]() BANG! GUNSHOT!![]() ![]() Naomi - I know a girl who got dumped from a year long relationship over MSN, so certainly, MSN counts in today's world. In some ways it's more formal than spoken communication because there's an actual record of all the exchanges. But yes, in this case you definitely did get Trapped. Sam - I guess that'll teach you a valuable lesson about being a Space-Case. ![]() Meaningless Filler![]() ![]() Other than that, there is great disorder under heaven and the situation is excellent. Blogging, Where the Mundane Becomes Magical!™ ![]() First Aid Awesomeness![]() ![]() The first two I found were these two they are also among my favourites ![]() This guy reminds me on Neil, except he's got a real mustache. I'm putting money on Neil having the same fate as this guy. ![]() I like the look of absolute shock on this dude's face, I also like the splattering exit wound. There is also a section on STDs. The book provides some situations when discussing condom use with a partner. Partner:Wearing a condom is like wearing a raincoat in the shower. You: Well, put on a raincoat honey and let's take a shower. Partner: By the time I get it on I don't feel like sex any more. You: Let's see if we can set a new speed record. Besides, if we feel strongly about each other, we'll stay in the mood. more great pictures to follow Gawd Bless the Canadian Forces. Thursday, April 29, 2004![]() PUNK PUNK HEADBANG OI![]() ![]() Oatmeal raisin cookies. I had forgotten how fantastic they are. The cookies I ate today were alright-- better than normal cookies, but below the quality I'm used to for Busket Bakery. I've been going there for years (mostly as a reward for going to church) but being as I've been skipping out on church so much the last couple months (thank god. Or not.) I hadn't been in ages.. so the cookies brought back memories of bliss and orgasms in my mouth-- erm, let me rephrase that. We should get back into drawing round table comics, guys. We should get REALLY drunk and draw like, three at once. And we have to finish it. That has to be the rule-- we MUST finish it. Too many great works have been left incomplete: Chillin' and Illin' in 1991 (Starring MCA and Chuck D), The Biography of Dave Sim (Kill/Freedom!), The Pirates of Smuggler's Cove, Charon: The comic. All masterpieces in the making. All ended before their time. A moment of silence for comics lost, especially Box-o, which has disappeared into the mists of time. ![]() If only I had known that MSN conversations were the basis for life planning....![]() ![]() Oh well, it's still a nice day. Whatever, right? I hope you all enjoyed the incredible weather out! =) Nanaimo ![]() A Funny Thing Happened to Me Today...![]() ![]() Now, to understand why there was a gawking crowd, you must understand that, despite the fact that it is perfectly legal in T.O., one rarely sees a topless woman walking around downtown, let alone one who's interviewing people for television. Yup, nothin' makes yer day complete like walking into a Naked News™ taping! I also bought an awesome Imperial Japanese shirt button for my jacket. It's really rockin'. You should see it sometime. Wednesday, April 28, 2004![]() Qui divinum et admirabile Dei opus![]() ![]() It was my understanding that Mel Gibson was a member of a schismatic group of Catholics traditionalists who rejected the reforms of Vatican II. Given that Mel Gibson was raised in a household which saw all the post-Vatican II popes as heretical anti-popes propped up by a diabolical conspiracy of Jews and Masons, I doubt that Gibson would be a member of a Catholic (though conservative) organization like the Opus Dei (though their founder also had problems with Vatican II). As well, it was my understanding that Opus Dei did not conceal the identity of their members (e.g. like Mother Teresa) and as such would reveal whether or not Mel Gibson was a member. It's a bit unfair to call the Opus Dei a "cult". Unlike the mafia they don't go around killing people (outside of the Da Vinci Code that is). And unlike the Scientologists they haven't inflicted Battlefield Earth upon us. Opus Dei is a personal prelature (Ironically, introduced by the same Vatican II that Mel Gibson rejects) not a diocese, which is a specific territorial area. And while Opus Dei does report to the Pope (as do other prelates, such as bishops) individual Opus Dei members are responsible to their bishop. Certainly they are an ultraconservative organization that does have members that pratice some rather bizzare self-flaggelation stuff (Though I'd never heard that it was ever banned by the Church). Christopher Hitchens suggests that the movie is focused "on the gruesome reality of Christ's death" (as you put it) because of Gibson's "massively repressed homoerotic fantasies" and offers some details to back it up. ![]() Sage-like Equilibrium![]() ![]() But I really have to take a break for a while, to ease off both the wallet and the crusty morning feeling. Come back to me, John Allison! Even Jeffery Rowland cannot more than imitate your clever witticisms and non-sequiturs, your mix of pure logic and fantastical absurdity! Nor can he recreate your sexy, robut-assisted style with his otherwise pretty good drawin's. Please don't stay away long. I.... I need you. ![]() Wild 'n' Crazy Fun![]() ![]() ![]() False alarm.![]() ![]() Alcohol greases the wheels in just about any situation. Fun can be had without boozing it up, but your fun can generally be exponentially increased via alcohol. Especially if you're not the one drinking it. It's great to see drunk friends flying off the handle while you yourself are in control, because it means you can fuck with them. Ah yes. Alcohol is a grand old thing. ![]() Good Clean Fun![]() ![]() One night in res this year Heather, Emily and I were the only ones around and playing our own game of "Hide-from-Devon" so we locked ourselves in Heather's room and played SkipBo while listening to Michael Jackson. SkipBo is a card game, but not using a deck of regular cards, apparently it's from the makers of Uno. Also we tobogganed and played capture the flag, neither of which we did after drinking. and just so I can beat Neil to the Simpsons quote "Ah beer, the cause of and solution to all of life problems" Tuesday, April 27, 2004![]() How do you fuck up poutine? LET'S FIND OUT!![]() ![]() So Tim and I wander into Einstein's last night around 8:45 looking for our fix of beer and poutine. We decide to order the poutines in series, not in parallel, since we've noticed the two of us tend to each get less when we place two simultaneous orders. So we each get one, and start digging in. "This tastes... odd," I remark, having become intimately familiar with the dish as served by our local watering hole. "Yeah... the cheese, it's got a bit of an aftertaste," says Tim. The two of us had to stop when we'd downed about half of it, the taste became so sickening. We pointed out to our server that we thought their cheese had gone bad. No, that wasn't the case she told us, they'd switched to old cheddar. That explains it, we thought. Wait, no it doesn't. Old cheddar on poutine? The taste is way too sharp! You stupid bastards! We asked if perhaps we could just get the mozzarella next time, but apparently they're pre-mixed. Yet another good thing ruined. I guess it's fries and gravy minus cheese, next time. Let's see. Jacob, congratulations on getting a job working for the hobgoblin (or is it the homogoblin?). Benji, congrats on the acceptance, but do try and get in downtown, so you can attend my martini parties. Jacob, buy her the damned alcohol, try and make a buck if you can (though it sounds you've made your decision). Also, take the damned Gmail account, in case that wasn't entirely obvious. Then Rot13 all your mail so that they can't parse it and show you content-sensitive ads. I figured something out last night. The whole issue of the Passion of the Christ a.k.a. the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre (great article, you should all read it) became clear. Why would someone make such a gory piece of trash and claim it as a grand religious epic? Because Mel Gibson is a cultist, of course! Yes, not only is Mel Gibson a Catholic, but he's allegedly a member of Opus Dei (translated, 'the work of God') - tantamount to a Catholic version of some combination of the Church of Scientology, the mafia, and/or the Illuminati. They're a "floating prelature", a diocese that answers to none but the Pope; their founder, one Josémaria Escriva, a fascist priest from Spain, openly praised Hitler (who was canonized by John Paul II in record time following his death - only took two years as opposed to the usual 50+). They're also big on the "piety = pain" bit (practicing corporal mortification, which has been outlawed in the Church since the 14th century). So it makes sense that a film by an OD member would focus on the gruesome reality of Christ's death and not anything more productive, like perhaps the message of tolerance that he preached. It all makes sense now. Tim is now an hour late for our calculus session. Time to call him and figure out where the hell he is. Later folks. ![]() His Questions Answered, Exeunt Jacob![]() ![]() Blogger just offered me a gmail account. I feel so honoured. Monday, April 26, 2004![]() Oh the Beauty of the Service Industry![]() ![]() As for the automated call about a moving company, we got that same call at my place...that and a call from every other fucker of a telemarketer, averaging three a day. What makes me sad is that these companies generally target lonely seniors. *Pounds fists onto chest* GOES APE! The nice thing is, I live with my sister who has such a strange last name that a telemarketer is instantly recognizable by thier sad attempt at pronouncing it. I'd write more but I'm being told to go offline and make a phone call...it will be nice to get high speed relatively soon! As a closing thought, if you're too poor to buy drugs, you can get the same effect by watching the Electric Company around 5 am. Trippy, man. Nanaimo ![]() Renny's Corner, Advice for the Young & the Wretched![]() ![]() Finally, Jacob, if you don't buy alcohol for your sister and her friends, I will. - Renny Monster, 2004 P.S. I pencilled the "fetus" comic strip for [Sam's 'zine?]. Hopefully it will see publication in a campus paper next year. I wanted to call the continuous strip "Well Known Asshole", but i don't think the campus papers would allow that. Instead I'm going with "The Young & the Wretched" which I feel is reasonably clever in an obvious kind of way. Hopefully no one's used the title for something major yet. ![]() Grrr Stupid People![]() ![]() When I got home I checked the answering machine and heard this "'allo, oui, 'allo zees ees Jean-Pierre calling from Authentic (I think that's what he said, though it may have been Athletic) Moovairs. Aye ham sorry I zat I meesed you, I joost vanted too eenform you about our fantasteek mooving sairveece...so plees call Jean-Pierre at foor-won-seex-ate-foor-ate-ate-foor-zeero-ate" and so on. This guy had the heaviest French accent I have ever heard outside of a movie, in which context it would have been used for comic relief. What's odd is my parents just finished renovating the kitchen and aren't even looking to move. Way to go Binje, you will soon escape the drudgery of high school and with it the petty bickering and politics of childhood and enter the higher stakes politics of university life. One more educated Awfulist, the world should be very afraid. ![]() On to VIctory![]() ![]() How often are we in Canada in the presence of a dude who's been knighted? Jacob, you must seize this opportunity and offer him your services as a squire so that one day you can gain glory and honour on the battlefield aginast sunburn. ![]() I'd buy them beer.![]() ![]() Ben and I were both talkative when we were little, and we made all kinds of trouble. I trapped him in a cupboard once, for instance. Another time we caused a small panic in a hospital by pulling an emergency cord and then running off. Good days. Sunday, April 25, 2004![]() Back in the T-Dot![]() ![]() Anyway, I have a moral question (there is a precident). My sister wants me to buy her alcohol (well she'd pay). What should I do? I don't want to be "The Man" trying to oppress her or anything, but I don't know if I should be supplying her. I mean, when I was 16 (or er- 15 whichever age she is) I'd have liked to have a 19-year old brother to buy me alcohol. Or would I have? Maybe I wouldn't have. Anyway, that's not the point, earlier this school year I'd certainly have liked to have an older brother that could've bought it. I don't know if I approve of my little sister drinking though. But should I allow my hypocrisy to impose its values on others? ![]() Yeah I really was the cutest baby.![]() ![]() Working today, I realized something. If I am forced to resort to Game Centre for the summer, I will kill myself. There will be no standing outside of Baptist churches, nor masturbation. I'll get me a fo' fo' and give 'er. I can't stand that fucking place, I HAVE to get out. Oh, Neil, if you need a job, I can get you in. ![]() T'ank Jeorb![]() ![]() ![]() SKULE OT4?![]() ![]() I actually popped in Commander Keen and played that for a while yestersay. Good times. A lot of old games have more flavour than new games. I always wonder why there is so little innovation in videogaming nowadays. Maybe I'm just an old codger. ![]() Babysittin'![]() ![]() Before their parents left we were eating very spicy chips, Ben saw and said he wanted one. We warned him that they were very spicy but he was insistent so dad broke of a piece of chip and gave it to Ben. Ben ate it and mumbled "it's spicy", it was very funny. Both boys have PJs that say "LOVABLE" on the chest. My aunt Anne told us that on days when they wear their PJs to daycare Ben points to him self and says "Ben is lovable" then points to Leo and says "Leo is lovable" then points to the other kids in the room and says "Jeremy is NOT lovable, Samantha is NOT lovable, Melissa is NOT lovable" I saw Kill Bill vol. 2 on Friday is was great but would have made a lot more sense if I had seen vol. 1 first. I am home in Toronto for the summer and looking for a job, I also have to unpack all my crap and eventually take my G1 exit test. |
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