Goin' Ape

Cross Country Check Up...

2008-07-20T18:30:00.002-05:00

And I don't mean track and field.

Listen for a familiar voice at 44:40 on the first hour of the July 20th program.

http://www.cbc.ca/podcasting/pastpodcasts.html?52#ref52

Y'ever Seen

2008-07-05T23:28:00.002-05:00

Y'ever seen a guy with a stupid Jedi padawan fucking hair braid? Kate and I went out for dinner last week and saw a guy about our age at a near by table with his parents and brother. He had one of these gross looking skinny braids hanging down over his left ear. Does anyone know if there is any real world significence to this, or is it just an embarassingly public display of his devotion to all things Star Wars? It took a lot of willpower (and threats from Kate) for me to NOT go over there and cuss him out.

Hey, does anyone else remember Biz Markie from that song 'Just a Friend'? Well apparently he does a bit on a kids show called 'Yo Gabba Gabba'. This one (<----) in particular is kinda weird. Holy Shit! Speaking of Biz Markie, did anyone else know he had a cameo in Men in Black II? (It's at 1m 20s, thank you YouTube)

NEW BLOGG

2008-06-25T00:23:00.000-05:00

MARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COM

MARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COM

MARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COMMARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COMMARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COMMARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COMMARTYSCORSESEHOUSTPARTY>BLOGSPOT>COM

Y'ever read...

2008-06-17T20:11:00.003-05:00

The Toronto Street News? I took a cab home after Sam's party on saturday and found a copy of the TSN on the seat. Until now I'd never really looked at it very closely, but Oh Em Gee, that is one trashy rag. I was drawn to the back cover which featured some lousy cartoons about American politics and the caption "Democratic Fraud As ZIONISTS attack our advertiser so that we cannot any longer subsidize their corporation here in future. Therefore their ad will not appear as they are afriad of further harassment and threats by Toronto ZIONISTS who attack the messenger rather than improve themselves and their nazi ways.?"

Throughout the newspaper their were numerous references to 'facists', 'nazis', and 'zionists, even 'masons'. Those are all such overused terms that get thrown about way to often by people who don't really know what the words mean. Was this written by disgruntled 15 year old boys on an internet message board?

I can't really tell where this newspaper fits on the political spectrum. Most of it seems left wing but then there is an article about Toronto police using excessive force in a raid on a 'responsible' gun owner and an editorial cartoon along the lines of "David Miller's gun policy only harms legal gun owners NOT the city's armed criminal elements"

Plus the other editorial cartoons are rather lame.

2008-06-13T09:39:00.000-05:00

Recommended birthday present for Sam.

2008-06-10T10:30:00.003-05:00

What kind of a dick leaves a party at 1 AM?

2008-06-09T00:41:00.004-05:00

Seriously, what kind of a dick leaves a goodbye party at 1 AM to catch the fucking bus (when he doesn't go to work in the morning anyways) when he knows that he has a friend depending on him as his phone contact to help him find out where the hell he's going? What kind of an absolutely self-centered cock does a thing like this?

P.S. I also blame this douche for my having incidentally twisted my ankle after kicking a metal garbage can in frustration at his assholeish behavior.

Maaaaan....Drunken Bloggin Yo

2008-06-07T20:41:00.005-05:00

North Americans are such hypocritical whiners. We aghast at growing rates of obesity and then a week later complain about the increase in food prices. Shut up you fucking babies! Here's a solution: EAT LESS! It IS possible to eat healthy on a budget.

We claim to be concerned about the environment, "climate change", "greenhouse gases" and all that bullshit but we still build sprawling subdivisions. And then they complain about gas being $1.30/L. Anyone who chooses to live in the suburbs made the choice to drive everywhere therefore they lose the right to complain about the cost of gas. You wouldn't have to complain if you lived in a proper city where biking, walking or public transportation are viable options. I saw man-on-the-street article in the local newspaper asking people how their driving habits would change if gas was $1.50/L this summer. Depressingly most people grudgingly admitted that it wouldn't change their driving habits at all.

I got talking to some old guy at Staples a couple weeks ago and he told be that the war in Iraq was never meant to succeed, it was meant to drive up oil prices. At first I was like 'yeah whatever old man, I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy but that's a bit much', but then it made sense. The fucking oil companies are making a killing because North Americans have an addiction more costly than coke.

Which leads me to the big news this week (it was a slow news week): OMG General Motors is closing its truck/SUV plants in Oshawa. Oh Nos!!!1!!111 The President of the Canadian Auto Workers union Buzz "Attention Whore" Hargrove and other union leaders called the closure a 'betrayal', but really this is just GM accepting the realities of the modern economy. No one is eager to buy a a gas guzzler and it's GM's own fault for taking this long to realize that. Unfortunately the workers in Oshawa are paying the price for that lack of forethought and flexibility.

It really irks me when I see morons with bumper stickers that say "out of a job yet? keep buying foreign cars". Fuck you. The Big Three (Ford, GM and Chrysler) are anachronistic companies stuck in the 1960's. They have been laying employees of for years. On the other hand since 2005 Toyota and Honda have both opened multi million plants in Woodstock and Alliston respectively which employ thousands of people.

Raaaghr. Holy SHIT is that the time? I got home form work around 6 and quickly passed out, I blame the fucking heat, ugh snot nice hear? When I woke up the clock said 7:00 am and I thought it was time to get ready to go to work so I got took a shower, ate some cereal, did the routine. Oh no the skies getting dark. Rain? TWO HOURS LATER I realized that it was actually 9PM! Doy.

So I guess some black guy is gunna be the next president or something?

Oh yeah, why did I get Rick Rolled at the mall today? For real. Has this gone from internet meme to pop culture norm. Ugh as long as I don't see goatse as a waterfoutain next I need to buy socks.

Free Hamburgers

2008-05-21T22:37:00.004-05:00

Lord knows I'm a madman for deals, (I have written letters for free steak vouchers) but wow, this is, this tops it. It's almost enough to make you get on your bike and hit up as many Harvey's' as possible in the 5 hour window.

http://www.harveys.ca/eng/site.php

Free hamburger on Sunday. No strings attached as far as I can detect. This is a desperate gambit from a company that is going down hard. But fuck, they do make the best burgers of any big chain I know.

I just looked at the participating stores in Toronto and there are like 5 all clustered near yonge from Dundas down to King. That's not even very far. Just remember to wipe the ketchup off your lips before approaching for your next burger.

Secede NOW. KIdding?

2008-05-15T20:40:00.003-05:00

If you looked at a newspaper a couple weeks ago you couldn't have missed the countless articles reporting an announcement from TD Bank economists that Ontario will become a 'have-not' province possible as early as 2009. Basically what that means is that the province would start recieving equalization payments from the federal government. The whole Canadian equalization formula is complicated and not really worth figuring out. For the fifty odd years that the equalization formula has been in place the economy of Ontario has supported the 'have-not' provinces. This isn't becuase Ontario is suddenly in the poor house, it's economy grew by 3% last year. Ontario will become a 'have-not' because with oil prices on the rise oil-rich provinces like Alberta and Newfoundland are rolling in cash. Danny Williams the attention-whore premier of Newfoundland made snarky comments about Ontario, calling it the 'weak sister of confederation.' Fucking Danny Williams. All of a sudden they have money and suddenly they forget the FIFTY YEARS that Ontario tax payers bailed out their sorry asses and paid for Newfies to have hospitals and schools. The cod-market sure didn't pay for those. $20 BILLION a year is taken out of Ontario's economy to support the other provinces.

The last time Ontario was faced with have-not status was in the late 1970's/early 80's during another recession and oil crisis when then-premier Bill Davis refused to accept humiliating equalization handouts that would have equalled $100 million per year.

I've never been much of a regionalist. I've never really considered myself an 'Ontarian' (probably because that's a pretty dumb thing to call yourself). I'd consider myself a Torontonian first and an Ontarian second. But when these Johnny-come-lately's make smug 'weak sister' comments it irritates me. In 15 years when the oil and natural gas run out (as it inevitably will) Alberta will look like a charred moonscape, Newfoundland will go back to being the red-headed step child of confederation, but Ontario will still be strong.

"are you thinking of me when you fuck her?"

2008-05-14T23:10:00.002-05:00

No. No he is not.

Oh man...

2008-05-14T19:17:00.002-05:00

This is the kind of thing we'd make up as a joke.
50 Cent vs The Middle East on X-Box 360.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1J9TMwXvSA

This isn't a rick-roll or a phantom rick roll, because I've already promised you something dreadful.

Jacob doesn't know who Shel Silverstein is.

2008-04-27T22:45:00.002-05:00

Seriously. Is this news? Yes, I think so. I think it means he had a deprived childhood. I'm sorry but it's just true.

I spent the wknd in Lndn, got a swtr and a jckt from valu vllg, saw a mscl about the btls and hung out with Jonna. I realised that I hadn't so much as looked at this blog in months as I read about broadcasting versus the long tail of (semi-) private blogs in Clay Shirky's Here Comes Everybody, a book about how the internet is basically awesome. I am the sort who remains largely sceptical about technology like the internet. I'm also the sort of person who spells sceptic with a c instead of a k, even though my American friends think that it's a weird Canadian way of spelling 'septic'. But re: the internet (and with the understanding of course that I am using it now), I remain sceptical that it is indeed a wonderful revolution in information distribution. Certainly it's changed things, but I begin to wonder how hypermediatic forms of communication will determine our understandings of our world, especially with regard to less popular understandings. I mean, the Long Tail sounds Utopian in a paradoxically pragmatic way, but I have my reservations. I won't write any more about this, though, because I'm already a ways into writing a blog about blogging, and there are too many people who do that. Jacob and Box probably read their blogs.

Anyway I hope to be a lil more present once more. Maybe I'll be more involved if we do a revamp of the site, hmm?

R&R's Excellent Adventure

2008-04-25T11:31:00.004-05:00

Hey folks,
I'm going away for four days w/ Safeway Tours with my girlfriend to celebrate our one year anniversary. We'll be going to Bostorn, Manhattan, Philadelphia and Washington D.C. and some caves all in four days! It is like a little sampler of each city, you know, and then you can revisit one of them later if it strikes you. I the future when you get a car and a driver's licence or some other outlandish sci-fi premise like that.

I hope the weather is good. In any case, it should be a trip. It's going to a lot like this except more confusing because we won't be privvy to any of the goings-on in the Chinese language. This is gonna be pretty awesome.

Pictures and more in MONDO methinks, down the line.

Make with the funny

2008-04-22T21:40:00.002-05:00

Hey fans of comedy adn the internet have I got a combo for you. I have recently discovered a couple very funny sketch comedy troupes that release videos online, 'The Whitest Kids U Know' and 'Derrick Comedy'. Both groupd are consistently funny. In particular check out an investigative report on "Bro Rape" and this Classroom Sketch from Whitest Kids.

That's all for now.

MONDO and Such

2008-04-22T11:47:00.003-05:00

Hey hey, you all. How goes?

Me? I'm okay. I'm actually pretty satisfied, as I think that I just put out one of my most consistently high-quality Lifestyle sections to date. Seriously, I got a good article from Claire on Bangkok, one from Jenny on the newest variety of heroin to hit the streets, and one from myself ranting about the CBC. Also on the site (and Box, I am talking to you when I say this) are a bunch of "Top Ten Marvel Characters" lists.

So yeah, that's it. If anyone wants to write me some Lifestyle in the near future, it'd be vastly appreciated. And really, I think YOU would appreciate it, too. Do it for yourself.

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

2008-04-12T19:36:00.002-05:00

Woah. Seriously guys, WOAH. If you've read any newspaper recently you will have seen that the traditional tour of the Olympic torch from Mount Olympus in Greece to the Olympic host city, Beijing, has turned into a logistical, security and PR nightmare. In every country that the flame has visited there have been people protesting the ongoing Chinese suppression of the distubances in Tibet as well as its human rights violations. There were pictures of spooky, tracksuited Chinese secret service dudes in the National Post this week. Just about every stop along the route has be met with protesters trying to disrupt the relay or extinguish the torch. Planners have rerouted the relay, cut it short and tried other tactics to keep the torch away from protesters and the media. So much for the games "for the people".

As we get closer to the games which begin August 9th, I see these protests escalating. I don't have a very good feeling about these Olympics. I'm worried that protesters might do something very drastic to disrupt the games and that the Chinese authorities would conduct a crackdown in full view of the worlds media.

Oh yeah, what's up with these lame French rollerblade-cops? C'mon France, is that the best you can do? Seriously.

Blogs about blogs.

2008-04-12T13:38:00.004-05:00

I know you guys are all big BSG watchers. I plan to become one myself. First I have to get through Lost S. 3, Deadwood S. 3, The Wire (At least S. 1) and Dexter (At least S.1).

Here is a blog website [redundant, consider revisiong] [EDIT: spelling error, consider revising] by a creative producer and writer for BSG, Buffy and Star Trek TNG. Naturally, she is very smart.
http://www.janeespenson.com/
If you read Friday, April 11's post, she brings up one of Neil's favourite topics, how Hollywood movies of old managed to do things much more economically.

you name your child after your fear

2008-04-05T23:17:00.003-05:00

So I just realized that the lyrics to "A Boy Named Sue" were written by a dude named Shel Silverstein. Was he projecting? How did I not make this connection before?

Subhuman Swine Comes a Callin' II or A WhiteBox Moment

2008-04-03T20:25:00.004-05:00

I was on the subway train and this fifteen year-old wigger came on. He had a fake-faded jean jacket, gelled up hair and a cheap looking cross with fake ice (what used to be called "that cheap shit from the back of the Source." But, "no more Source the street credit, them days is dead," to quote another famous Uighur.) He sat right behind me. He coughed and then coughed again. He stretched out his arm on the back of the chair. And then he started hacking phlegm into his mouth (but not spitting). It was this disgusting sound. And he kept doing it over and over.

I started thinking. If I were Box, I'd rip out his earbuds out and rudely tell him to shut the fuck up and get out of my earshot.

Then I got an even better idea. Either right before he gets off or I get off, I yank his worthless chain off his neck and run! It'd be so sweet. Mainly because the chain is so obviously worthless. Something about me doing a chain snatch on this kid would be so amazing in its fake ghettoness. And then I'd get caught by a TTC guy and then they'd call the cops. And I'd show the cops I was a middle class student with my social sciences assignment and my TV script in my backpack. What would they think?

Maybe this is a massive in-joke that you'd have to be me to get. I'm pretty tired.

The rude tell-off and the chain snatch were both ruled out since they obviously violate The Rules.

---

Did a presentation yesterday. It's not the sort of thing you can bomb. (Interpretive dance, basically. What I was doing in said class was as much a mystery to the others in the class as it is to me as it is to you.) But if you could bomb, my group would've.

I took an exam today. Went well. I'm all wrapped up on April 16th.

---

Also, look, I found a blog by a Canadian TV writer.

BIG NEWS (and lesser news)

2008-03-28T08:51:00.003-05:00

The big news is that I have been offered a spot at the World Youth Congress, which will be held from August 10-21 in Quebec City.

What is the World Youth Congress?
The 4th World Youth Congress will bring 600 of the world's most dynamic young activists in the field of sustainable development to Québec from 120 different countries.

The congress offers a unique opportunity to meet and work alongside young people who are really doing things and going places. This event sets a new standard for international youth events, and will be the largest and most inspirational gathering of its kind for young people taking place anywhere in the world in 2008.

That's directly from the official website. I'm pretty excited, I think it will be a very cool event and if I'm lucky I'll be able to do some "networking" and find NGOs who would hire me. Fingers crossed. Plus Kate's younger sister Thea is going so it should be a lot of fun.

Interestingly when I put in what I thought was the correct url I ended up at the Wayzata Yacht Club on Lake Minnetonka, Minnesota. There I found this heart warming, human interest story about ice sailing

In lesser news...

A couple days ago Kate and I watch a movie called Battle of the Brave which is about a romance between a peasant woman and a handsome fur trapper (hur hur beaver pelts hur) during the Seven Year War and the British conquest of New France. How we ended up at this movie, I'm still not sure. We were at Rogers Video and couldn't decide on anything we could agree on so we settled for this. It was AWFUL, the acting was corny, the "French Canadian" accents were dicey, it was rife with historical inaccuracies and the studio sets were pretty weak. It was nominated for six Genies and five Jutra Awards (which apparently are for film and TV in Quebec.) At first we thought it bad in an intiuging kind of way but quickly decided it was just bad and turned it off.

...

At Staples yesterday, we had a fat middle-age Russian man and his birdish wife, both blinged out. They were buying a new laptop, accessories and service plans. Total: $1004 (I was the cashier). They paid cash. I was pretty suprised. Who carries around at least a grand in mostly $20s and some $50? Russian mobsters, that's who. I talked about this theory with Kate. She thought if there was orgnaized crime here in K-W it was more likely to be some German family. This city is fucking overrun with krauts. Maybe they're the domesticated kind of Russian mobsters. Their daughter "Anna" is probably studying business at the University of Waterloo.

Has anyone else seen signs at the LCBO promoting eco-friendly plastic liquour bottles? I just saw one yesterday that said "Wiser: An Inconvenient Proof". HAHA FUCK YOU GORE, your stupid book is beiing ripped off to sell booze. Go home to your mansion(s) and cry to your Nobel Prize.

Hey speaking of Mr. Gore, tomorrow is his 60th birthday.

Venting (OR Subhuman Swine Comes A-Callin')

2008-03-25T10:41:00.003-05:00

I need a space to vent right now.

So I'm at york, trying to finish up a paper in an empty classroom. Not too much work, just a conclusion and the editing. I've also been checking out the ol' web, but that's okay; I've got time. Anyways, I'm just sitting here, typing my work up, when this other guy comes into the room. "No big deal", I think, "there's plenty of room". So the motherfucker looks over the room, and picks the spot right next to me. Now, I'm still prepared to give the man his due: there are only two actual "desk" spaces in the classroom, side by side. The rest of the spots are merely desk chairs. And he is setting up a laptop, so he may need the room. But then the fucker pops out this powerfully smelling chinese food, and starts just fucking slurping it down. He sounds like a fucking pig. What's worse, he's not even working; he's watching a subtitled movie that I CAN STILL HEAR THROUGH HIS HEADPHONES. So here this subhuman fucker is, slurping and guzzling away to my right while I'm trying to get some actual work done. And that's where this post comes in. I need some way to vent this, or I am going to punch this fucker in the face. Which would be a bad idea, as by all accounts this guy could take me. So hopefully, this'll calm me down.

Pomerfuckinganians

2008-03-10T20:12:00.004-05:00

This guy got on the subway with three tiny, scrunchy pomeranians that looked like they'd just gotten out of the dryer. Okay, fine, but none of them were on leashes and it was Saturday afternoon. The pomeranians were not well behaved. They ran up and down the subway. Two of them went between this seated woman's legs, seemingly oblivious to her. If I were her, honest to God, I would've given one a foot nudge. Not a whole kick, but really. The owner, a 40 year old male who seemed totally normal in all other respects, also had a modern three wheel baby carriage. I was horrified to see it tip over. Of course he wasn't - it was full of four more pomeranians. A couple of riders actually thought this whole thing was cute. A woman asked if there's anywhere he can't bring them. He confessed in certain places the dogs get too squirmy. I was staring bloody, poison-tipped daggers at this man and his pests. When he got off after one stop, of course two of the dogs that had wandered 20 feet away were reluctant to come, so he held open the doors for about ten seconds while he called for them. "Mitzi! Sushi! C'mon Sushi, here Sushi!"
Fuck, seriously.
By the way, jCup informed me about the cancellation of jPod. I might just write an email to audience relations at CBC. Or call into Cross Country Hiccup and bend whatever they're discussing to make it about jPod. I'll say this, the fist few episodes could've been stronger, so it is sort of jPod's fault for missing the mark at the very beginning, which is obviously something you cannot afford to do in such a competitive game as TV, but the show was getting a lot stronger and really, it was becoming the best Canadian TV show on right now not to mention being a genuinely good show.
[Run-on sentence, consider revising]

Look Miscellanea!

2008-03-05T10:41:00.002-05:00

Q. How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? See answer at the bottom of the page.

So apparently there were some sort of U.S. primary last night. It seems to have been Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island. Overall picture? Not much has changed. I guess we wait for super delegates, whatever they are.

Here's some fun stuff from Slate Magazine:

A comic about Texas.

Texas fights to maintain ban on sex toys

...and Crap Cinema from the OrIeNt

This afternoon Kate and I went to give blood, but I was told I couldn't donate because I had been to one of the provinces in South Africa that was flagged as being a malaria risk area. What the fuck? Do I have malaria or something? Not anymore **PAT PAT***

From Blood town we went to Giant Tiger, aka GT Boutique. There are no Giant Tigers in Toronto, I guess they are some sort of small town phenomenom. It's like Wal-Mart minus. You read that right, don't adjust your screen settings, I said "Wal-Mart MINUS" On the way in the door I saw a picture and did a double take, the picture was of a bunch of tough 'n' scruffy looking khaki-clad Canadian soldiers (they were clearly in Afghanistan) posing around an armoured vehicle, with a sign saying "Proudly Canadian", which is GT's slogan, I guess. Apparently GT made a donation to the CFB Petawawa Base Fund.

Speaking of Afghanistan: an Aussie magazine leaked a story that Prince Harry (of England) has been deployed on the frontlines of the Afghan war. CBC has pictures of him on duty, playin rugby, shooting machine guns and shit. I think it's pretty solid that he's serving, but imagine trying to fight a fucking war while being shadowed by pesky photogs. Last summer he made a lot or noise when the army head honchos wanted to turn him into a desk jockey instead of actually serving in Iraq with his unit. He made a lot of noise and I think had his way or at least some compromise; much to the annoyance of the Army wallahs back in Blighty. Now I'm not a royalist or anything but he sure makes his dad and older brother look like the foppish, polo-playing dandies they are. If it ever came to a palace coup (***fingers crossed***) I hope he wins.

One last thing for tonight. Kate and I were hanging out with some of the people from her program. One of her friends told us about the time the mother of his girlfriend (now ex-GF) asked to wax his chest. He agreed. I was totally weirded out by this, in my opinion this was all sorts of inappropriate. What do you think? How would you react if the parent of someoen you're dating askedd to wax a part of you?

A. It takes one Scotsman to hold the lightbulb...... and two to turn the ladder.

MONDO Fun

2008-03-04T22:39:00.001-05:00

Yeah, you guys should have a look at my Public Lit Games article.

In Case I Haven't Told you Already...

2008-03-04T14:15:00.002-05:00

MONDO Lifestyle is doing a feature on Gripes in the near future, so if you have anything to gripe about in 250-500 words, I'm the perfect guy to send it to, and next tuesday is the perfect date to send it by! Also, check out the section this week. Lotsa good stuff in there, there is. Just ask LEO.

R.I.P. William F. Buckley

2008-02-28T03:29:00.003-05:00

The conservative intellectual and publisher is probably best remembered by apers in the context of that unfortunate incident at the bar– where I (loudly) quoted him yelling at Gore Vidal: "Shut up you goddamn queer, or I'll punch you in the mouth".

Certainly if nothing else, WFB brought joy to us all (and outrage* to one certain girl).

*later, an awkward conversation.

Obay Phonies

2008-02-24T12:58:00.002-05:00

Hey, I saw an Obay outdoor ad with a sticker on the exterior of it with an URL. I thought this might have been the second stage of the ad campaign, but then I saw other Obay ads that didn't have them. Also, if you look at that site, they aren't using any of the professionally taken Obay images or using the Obay bottle. At the bottom of the site, it says, "Almost but not quite from the makers of WhybecauseIsaidso". This is somebody trying to "cash in" on the Obay cleverness without actually making any cash.

Stoopid Kids

2008-02-23T00:58:00.001-05:00

When Renny and I were at Chapters last weekend we saw The Gum Thief the latest book by Douglas Coupland, which is about people working at Staples. Here is a description from the book jacket:

"In Douglas Coupland’s ingenious new novel–sort of a Clerks-meets-Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf–we meet Roger, a divorced, middle-aged “aisles associate” at a Staples outlet, condemned to restocking reams of twenty-lb. bond paper for the rest of his life. And then there’s Roger’s co-worker Bethany, who’s at the end of her Goth phase, and young enough to be looking at fifty more years of sorting the red pens from the blue in Aisle Six."

Yesterday in the lunchroom at, yes, Staples, I saw The Gum Thief on the table. 'Ashley' had written a note to 'Bob' telling him about the book. 'Ashley' and 'Bob' could easily be 'Bethany' and 'Roger'. I picked up the book and started to read...

"I work in a Staples. I’m in charge of restocking aisles 2-North and 2-South: Sheet Protectors, Indexes & Dividers, Note books, Post-It Products, Paper Pads, Specialty Papers and “Social Stationery.” Do I hate this job? Are you nuts? Of course I hate it. How could you not hate it? Everyone who works with me is either already damaged or else they’re embryos waiting to be damaged, fresh out of school and slow as a 1999 modem. Just because you’ve been born and made it through high school doesn’t mean society can’t still abort you. Wake up.

Let me try to say something positive here. For balance.

Staples allows me to wear black lipstick to work."

That's pretty brutal, but I think that description could apply to any retail store or fast food restaurant. I suppose Staples just stands out as an easier target than most because the products being sold are really mundane. The employees at Best Buy or Chapters probably aren't much different but high-definition TVs and books have more entertainment value than binders and pencil sharpeners.

Reading the first dozen pages of The Gum Thief really motivated me to find a better job

After work I stopped off at the LCBO across the street to buy some beer. That LCBO has a better beer selection than anyother store I've ever seen. It was fantastic. They had lots from local craft brewers. The Guelph/Waterloo area is pretty good for that.

Behind me in line were two guys a couple years younger than me. The friendly cashier who I had been talking to me carded them. One had ID the other said

"I don't have ID"
"Why not"
"Cause I'm not 19"
"Well that's a problem. Legally you shouldn't even be in here unless you're with your parents"

So of course they had to leave empy handed. Everyone else in the store had a good laugh at their expense on their way out the door. I'm not sure why those idiots thoughts they would get away with it. The younger one clearly was not legal.

MARMADUKE!!!

2008-02-20T11:47:00.002-05:00

Alright, because I was mentioning it to Matt and Neil eariler, here is a link to an essay in which it is postulated that the comic strip "Marmaduke" serves as an elaborate rape fantasy. Convincing? Possibly. Entertaining? Verily! I'd explain, but the essay does a much better job than I ever could.

Also, new MONDO articles are up, new ones are coming next week, blah blah blah, you guys should write some stuff, you know the drill...

Obay Thrice?

2008-02-18T16:08:00.004-05:00

Hey guys, I know I've talked to a few of you about these Obay ads. I liked Neil's hypothesis that it was actually a mind control drug and Obay was "kidding on the square". A google search doesn't reveal anything official except an Ottawa version of eBay. The ads, though, seem to only be appearing in Toronto. A few independent commentators have done some speculation and research, the best I found being this:

http://torontoist.com/2008/02/the_ones_that_m.php

The Torontoist take makes a lot of sense. In two weeks I guess we'll know. Obay has done a very good job at getting my attention, whatever it is.

Happy Family Day, Everyone!

2008-02-18T00:04:00.005-05:00

Whooooo!

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the Family Day concept. Personally, I think we should make up the economic shortfall the holiday brings by selling naming rights to corporations. So we could have Coca-Cola™ Presents Family Day or Family Day: Brought To You By The Good Folks At General Dynamics™.

Switching gears, Neil and I came up with this t-shirt idea which I think it gets the message across:

Anyway, because this isn't random enough if you like politics and cooking then you may like this epic 90-minute cooking challange slash political debate slash snark. Actually only the first half is cooking and the politics, the second half is people eating the food while criticizing it. The first half is more interesting.
Here are some (10 secondish) excerpts:
Spencer Ackerman after explaining what it was like to be a teenage vegan and why he gave up said veganism.
Ezra Klein describing Orange County. (I don't know if I'm selling these well, they're actually really grip).

Oh, and isn't this the greatest start to a comic? (though I don't know about the rest...)

At least he's not 'Chet'

2008-02-08T08:14:00.000-05:00

While browsing pictures from U.S. primary Super Tuesday on the CBC website, I found this one ( <-----). Apparently polling stations can be in somebody's garage, in this case the garage of Mr. Dale Matthews. I found other pictures of polling stations in Goodwill clothing stores, pool halls and karate schools.

Also did you know that the Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is named Tagg? TAGG?! I guess when you come from a super rich New England family and you father's name is Mitt, that's really the best you can hope for.

Call out the army

2008-02-07T22:57:00.000-05:00

Did it snow in Toronto on Friday? Kate and I drove to Kingston on Thursday night, when we woke up the next morning everything was white. The snow kept coming down all day. It's much nicer than Toronto because all the snow didn't turn immediately into a grey slushy mess.

A piece of spam mail showed up in my junk bin with the subject line "FW: totalitarian VmlAGRRA $1, 12". Curiosity took over at that point. When I opened the email it read:

"However... why not? I will face you... Wormtail, come turn my chair around.
VmlAGRRA $1, 12 http://www.virtualloh.com
It was Ron. Dressed in his maroon paisley pajamas, Ron stopped deadMoody grinned.lad from a good family had gone so badly astray. The conclusion was thatfeel the full extent of Lord Voldermorts wrath"

Have I ever mentioned a terrific site for internet radio called "Live 365"? Through the site you have access to thousands of internet radio sites, broadcasting every genre of music you are interested in. It's all free as long as you don't mind occasional ads by Kay Jewelers ("Every kiss begins with Kay"), Presto Services ("Now you can recieve photos from your friends and family without an expensive hard to use computer, right through your phone line!". The ad used a grandmotherly voice. What kind of person is using internet radio but complains about computers being expensive and hard to use?) and the U.S. Navy ("Accelerate your life"). My favourite stations at the moment are Basement Tapes Live - out of Minneapolis - and Bagel Radio from San Francisco.

This is a continuation post because I have been writing without a chance to finish and post.

We've got MORE muthafuckin snow up in here. It feels like I've experienced more snow in tha past month than I have in severl years living in Toronto. Except here the snow actually stays crisp and white because the weather is cold enough, unlike in Toronto where the mild weather will return and turn all the nice snow to grey slush. And you know how I feel about ruining the pure whiteness. (This blog would have to be demolished if I ever chose to run for public office)

Remember how I said that Staples has a shed for 'Horse and Buggy Parking"? Today I finally saw a REAL horse and buggy parked there and then a little later while I was helping a lady load two shopping carts full of file folders into her car I saw a horse-and-buggy go clip clopping past. It was very satisfying. Wikipedia tells me that St. Jacobs, Ontario (just outside Waterloo) is famous for its Mennonite culture. I don't know much about Mennonite culture but I was a little surprised the discover that they can use their credit cards to buy computers which they load into their 2008 Chevy Trailblazer SUV. Some of the old mennonite women wear all black but the younger one just wear skirts and a hair bun cover. The boys dress like regular farm boys and speak with funny accents.

Kate's mom decided to stock our liquor shelf. She gave Kate a credit card which she used to buy 40ozs of vodka, rum and Canadian Cleub, plus 28ozs of fireball and gin. We are stocked. I can never imagine my parents doing this.

oh man Oh Man OH MAN

2008-02-07T10:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, wow, hoboy! I have had toooo much coffee...

It's odd. Having been literally bed-ridden for two days (and not at all well for two others besides that), I got up this morning to go to my early class and had my customary two cups of coffee. Normally, this wood just perk me up and put me into a "good morning" kind of mindset, but after having cut caffeine out for the past four days, I am Wired. This very moment, I am only typing out this blog entry to give my nervous fingers something to do. Needless to say, this raises serious questions about my "normal" caffeine intake, which I'll endevour to heroically ignore.

Anyways, I'm in the middle of class now, so I should prolly pay attention. If I can...

!

Vote Chris Tindal For A Better Tomorrow

2008-02-07T03:43:00.000-05:00

Chris Tindal of Catch-23 fame is running for public office. In specific, as a Green Party MP for Toronto Centre in a March byelection. One of the things that strikes you watching the new Catch-23 is that Chris really added something with his uncanny way to always match the scene with the appropriate music. What better reason to support him?

Also, I may be getting involved again in Liberal Party politics. If you stumbled across this post and wish to use it to discredit whoever I am supporting I offer this endorsement only out of the personal gratitude I have towards Mr. Tindal and not because I will be a Green Trojan Horse.

Jacob is a Hero: Are YOU?

2008-01-29T18:35:00.000-05:00

Kudos to our own Mr. Kaufman for putting theJacob back in Jacobitism. I'm still waiting on MONDO article from all of you, now.

It's a good thing I'm a regular poster here, or this would totally be spam.

Amish web-cams?

2008-01-24T23:17:00.000-05:00

Report from Kitchener

So living with the girlfriend is a bit of an adjustment. Because neither of us really know anyone here we spend all of our free time together which has caused some friction that we hadn't experienced before. But, we're dealing with it. No threats of injury by either party. Yet.

Kitchener-Waterloo is pretty good. Clearly it's no Toronto but, so far it seems nicer than Pee-Burrow.

While at Value Village last week looking for some household stuff I was browsing the movie section and I found on vhs Ali-Baba and the Forty Theives from 1943 strarring Jon Hall and Maria Montez. We have yet to watch it. Check out Jon Hall's acting credits. IMDB doesn't have a picture but I assume he is dark skinned becuase he played all sorts of non Eruopeans from around the world; Arabs, South Pacific islanders and even 'Prince Hannoc' in "When the Redskins Rode".

How many types of orange juice do you think President's Choice makes? 3? 4? 5? No PC makes EIGHT (8?!) types of orange juice. There's 'with calcium', 'with extra pulp' and my favourite 'with encapsulated fish oil'. Whoever thought orange juice needed extra calcium? I know this probably sounds petty and stupid (that's what the internet is for, isn't it?) but whatever happened to plain fucking orange juice?

Amish people are shrewed business people. Everyday we see several Amish people come in to buy things for their businesses. I guess I assumed that they didn't use computers or credit cards but apparently I am wrong. In the parking lot we share with Home Depot there is even a shed for 'Horse and Buggy'. I kid you not.

My Life Begins Today!

2008-01-23T11:44:00.001-05:00

OH MY GOD. I simply cannot believe that I never noticed this before. Now normally, I don't generally listen to my iTunes while at York, both for lack of headphones and because I gots shitloads of other stuffs to be doing. However, I having recently had trouble with losing all my internet, desktop and iTunes presets (fixed now, btw. It had something to do with accidentally creating a new user account), found myself in iTunes at York, and boldly entering a new world of wireless possibilities I was barely even aware of. You see, it would appear that when two computers have iTunes open on the same wireless network, they will have access to each others music libraries. Not to download or transfer, mind you, just to browse. I HAD NO IDEA! This is incredible! Not for the browsing, mind you (though I will want to be using this feature as a "sampler" to find new bands if I find I have compatible music tastes), but for the insight it lends. It's like having secret access to a complete stranger's diary! I complete stranger whose identity you can only guess at. Who, for example, would have an open library containing only 20 tracks? Or what kind of a person fills their entire 2000 song library with 60's music and satirical sketches from The Onion? Both of these I have witnessed, and I just know that there will be even more fascinating libraries in the future. One thing's for sure, though: I totally have a new hobby!

Cera ... stars in Sony's upcoming "Super Bowl."

2008-01-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

So it's kinda dumb to do a post on Juno now cause everyone has apperently seen it and it's going to sweep the Oscars except the Oscars will be likely be canceled. But if you haven't, you should see it– because it's really grip (the quote, btw, is from a 3 October 2006 article from Daily Variety)

I already put this video up on The Facebooks but I'm going to post it again cause it's so gosh-darned fawesome:

What else have these actors been up to? Michael Cera has his own internet tv show with his friend Clark Duke. Next time you watch Superbad look for Duke at the party scene. He's everywhere. Like, motherfucker can teleport. He's inside, he's outside, where ever you look there's the Duke. And you should watch Superbad again. The extra material is genuinely funny, and the commentary is hillarious. The thing is that Jonah (Seth) is trapped in a room with Judd Apatow's daughter (i.e. the daughter in Knocked Up) and thus he cannot swear. But he wants to swear! Dramatic tension (no, seriously there's dramatic tension).

And as for Ellen Page. She's in the movie Jack and Diane with her hot friend from Juno. This, I swear to God, is the plot summary from imdb:
"Jack and Diane, two teenage girls, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously."

Nixon Was Bad. These Guys Are Worse.

2008-01-16T13:30:00.000-05:00

The rumours are true, I have moved to Kitchener (nee. "Berlin") with Kate. I got a job at Staples. This week and next is all training. There is hell of reading to do. Booo.

Don't worry, I won't let Kay-Dub steal my Toronto soul.

Has anyone seen the 6 January article by former Democratic Presidential candidate Goerge McGovern in the Washington Post calling for the impeachment of GWB and Dick Cheney? I would be very surprised if they were impeached this late in the term. Other than for the symboliic value I'm not sure what practical effects impeachment would be. I think that both of them still should be charged with the litany of offences that McGovern lays out, but I don't think that will ever happen either. With the public and media attention turned towrads the Presidential primaries it would be difficult to generate the kind of widespread support that would be needed for an impeachment trial.

You learn something new everyday

2008-01-15T09:25:00.001-05:00

While taking the good old Ossington 63 yesterday I sat amid a group of middle school boys. All the way from Bloor to Dundas the only thing the six boys talked about was Guitar Hero. One kid said that even when he's in class his fingers still twitch as if they were playing a phantom ax.

Also yesterday my cousin Matthew came over for dinner. He is studying at the University of New Brunswick. He is in the Navy and he just started a two week course at CFB Borden near Barrie. Matthew is a Naval Intelligence officer (that's different from being a navel intelligence officer). He's 21 and apparently he is the youngest person in Canada to ever qualify as an Intelligence Officer that wasn't during war time. My mom is really trying to discourage him from going to Afghanistan where he has applied to several positions. He wasn't even allowed to tell us what intelligence positions he had applied for there.

You are probably thinking "Afghanistan is a landlocked country, what kind of work is there for a Naval Intelligence officer to do there?" Well the Intelligence trade is open to army, navy and air force. They all do the same work. But Matthew told us that the Taliban actually had a navy. Well not exactly a navy but they loaded guys into 5 or 6 fishing boats on a river near Kandahar (where the Canadians soldiers are based) and tried to attack a civilian convoy. It's hard to be intimidating in a fishing boat.

Uh... thanks?

2008-01-14T13:45:00.001-05:00

The blog days of winter.

2008-01-06T14:37:00.000-05:00

Today we got our satellite TV installed. We've now got 800 channels, but I suspect my parents will still watch the same six shows.

It seems like the political situation in Pakistan could get worse before it gets better. The son of Benazir Bhutto, who was assassinated on December 27, is a 19 year old student at Oxford University. His name is Bilawal Bhutto. In is now the joint leader of his mother's Pakistan People's Party. Where do you suppose the mainstream media turned when they needed reliable information about the new leader? Why to Facebook, of course. Unfortunately the two accounts that seemed to belong to Mr. Bhutto were hoaxes and the MSM was fooled. FACT CHECK PEOPLE! The 'INTERWEBNET' is NOT a reliable source of information.

But not all arab drivers are suicidal extremists. Some just wanna drift. Aaaah yee-aah

Food News.

I reached into the freezer today and pulled out a bag of frozen meatballs and discovered that they were from IKEA. When did IKEA become a food retailer? I guess IKEA and meatballs make sense, they're both from Sweden.

When my dad got home from grocery shopping he was excited to show me PC potatoe chips in 'General Tao's Chicken' and 'Szechwan' flavours. Weird. On the PC website, 24 people have written reviews of the Szechwan chips.

today keep your head and drop the gun

2008-01-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

So I'm pretty happy about Obama's Iowa Caucus victory– making him the first black man to win anything in Iowa. Plus it's good that at least something positive has come out of Kenya in the past week.

The only downside is that Obama's really great and I'd be sad if he lost (I mean I didn't like Harper or Bush winning but I didn't feel bad that Martin and Kerry lost) or – God forbid – was shot. Anyway here's something really awesome about Obama. Read this story by a young reporter and then listen to the follow-up:

Obama did his thing, and at the end there was segment for questions by the media.
After about five questions from different television and newspaper reporters, I stood up to ask mine.
"Wait a minute son, this is for professional media only," Obama said to me.
"What do you mean? I work for the local paper," I said with a crackling nervous voice.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a college student. You have such a baby face," he said with an unremorseful grin.
At that point everyone in the room turned to look at me and laugh. The 800 people in the lobby laughed as my face was projected on the big screen.
Remembered that girl who I was trying to get with, well she was sitting next to me and guess what she was doing?
Everyone was laughing except me.
The next time I saw that young girl was at another press conference, but this time she was acting as if she never knew me. I think I saw her maybe two more times and each time, it was the cold shoulder.
Thanks to everyone's favorite new senator, I lost big time.
Obama owes me a public apology for making me look like a court jester and for blocking my shot.
Now listen to this mp3

Strangers

2007-12-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

So I was coming home last night at like 1:40 a.m. and I'm walking up my street. And I see this person, way up ahead, walking in the middle of the road. I can't tell if it's a man or a woman from this distance. It looks like the figure is starting and stopping, starting and stopping. I get a little closer and see that the person is holding an open book and reading. And it's a woman. And she's not just 'not a bum' but actually well-dressed. A little black skirt on jeans, new jacket, sort-of-funky-oh-cool-you're-30 hat and really tidy hair. And she is about 30. And she's talking to herself. At first I think she's reading the book out loud, but she's not. She's singing little bits of a song.
Is she drunk? She must be drunk. But how drunk would this tidy 30 year old woman have to get before walking down the middle of the road reading and singing to herself? Pretty drunk. Her walk is a sort of crooked, like a drunk person, but also just like a person reading and walking at the same time. And she was wearing lifted shoes that made a clip, clop sound with every step. It was so surreal. After she passed I actually thought about speaking to her. Try to find out if she's drunk or crazy or just had a recent emotional explosion or something. But I didn't.

Breaking my own rules

2007-12-18T13:21:00.000-05:00

I left the house this morning at 9:50 to walk the GF down to the bus stop and head over to the library. The sky was beautiful, a thin layer of white film over a radiant sun. Like over-easy eggs. My throat was still feeling kind of scratchy, but I dint mind as we walked down to St. Clair, mostly in silence. When we got to St. Clair, the streetcar was pulling up to the spot right then. I was hoping the light would change and stop the streetcar so she could get on. Sure enough it did, the 'walk' light came on and so we hurried over to the platform. As we stepped out into the street, HOOONNNNK!, we were almost hit by this car coming around the corner through the red light. I looked at the driver with a heavy scowl. I saw her, a middle aged woman, and I flipped her off and held it. The GF and I made our way to the platform, she got ready to get on the streetcar. Suddenly I heard shouting. It was the driver. She hadn't moved. She'd rolled down her window to yell at me. "You should practice watching where you're going!" I was totally incensed, "Ya fucking twat! What the fuck!" I shouted at her. "You weren't looking! I was trying to brake when you jumped out, I didn't have room to stop!" For a second, I felt bad about calling this middle aged woman the t word. Yes, she nearly ran me over and now she was shouting at me, but in this exchange, I had taken the low road. I wanted to reclaim some dignity, so I yelled "Have a nice day, ma'am." She drove off. I realized my last comment must have come out completely sarcastic. I gave my girlfriend a sort-of hug and tried to grasp some nice goodbye message to her, but I think I just mumbled.

I walked to the library, actually passing the streetcar for a while, which was dealing with the traffic problems out there. I was pretty shaken up. The anger at the driver subsided pretty quickly and I felt bad for how I'd handled the situation. Not particularly because I felt bad for the driver, but because I had not presented myself well. If I hadn't flipped her off, she wouldn't have yelled at me. If I'd collected myself an instant longer when she started yelling at me, I would have realized that she was just giving me her side of things. If I felt the need to yell back, I could have pointed out she was running a red and we had the walk symbol on, etc... I probably could have bitten my tongue if there was a 200-lb man behind the wheel.

What got to me, though, was that I was shouting profanities at a total stranger when I had almost no voice. It was a total waste of energy. I was distracted from saying goodbye to my girlfriend because I had just finished the screaming. And say I had restrained myself. Her story would have been, "Some young man jumped out into the street, completely out of nowhere and I nearly hit him." Now her story is, "Some young man jumped out into the middle of the street, gave me the finger and then shouted profanities at me."

When I got to the library, the librarian was a middle-aged woman with short hair, too. She made some friendly comment about navigating the slushy weather. I told her that I was just nearly run-over and I screamed at the driver and I could have handled it better. I was seeking some kind of psychic reconciliation with all the anger between me and the driver.

So if we remember Rule # 4 from "Jux" I suppose we can ammend it to say do not fuck with strangers. It's obvious enough to point out that nothing good is going to come out of a confrontation like this. And the more you can force all your willpower into turning the other cheek, the better for everyone.

Snow Patrol

2007-12-16T20:25:00.000-05:00

Well, snow-shoveling season is now upon us. This weekend we were at my grandparents in Gravenhurst. We drove home with the snow. The drive usually takes us about two hours, yesterday it took four.

The other international volunteers in South Africa asked me what winters are like in Canada. They were appalled when I told them it is often around -10 or -20 degrees and that in some cities, like Winter-peg and Edmonton, it's not unusual for the temperature to get to -40. I don't make a very good promoter for the country. I tried to reassure them that Toronto is generally milder than 99% of the country, but I'm not sure they believed me. They didn't like the sound of cities where the weather is so uninviting that we build a subterranean network of pedestrian tunnels so people who work downtown don't have to venture outside for 6 months of the year. Then again the other volunteers were from England, Denmark and Australia. Wimps.

I hope everyone doesn't have to do too much digging out today.

Heinous Horrors

2007-12-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

Whenever I see snowfall of this magnitude, I am always puzzled that North America is the car capital of the world. Seriously. How much easier is it to clear a couple train tracks than all these roads? And to think of all those automobiles from the 'teens and 'twenties that weren't nearly as robust as what we have now, to imagine them all being made in Michigan, which is practically Canada. They wouldn't even be driveable 5 months of the year in the state they were built in.

I have had my own adventures in the snow today that began at 8:00 a.m. When I got home, my face was sure red, man. Got home, showered up and changed, but there are more horrorventures over the horrorizon.

I think my reply post on Jacob's is longer than my own post.

Dispatches from the Third Circle

2007-12-16T00:02:00.000-05:00

So one of the interesting things about this year is its been the first year I've really been cooking regularly for myself. I had a meal plan throughout university– which meant I was cooking for myself 3 times a week at most. I actually like it though. I generally go shopping every two weeks or so and I have a nice reserve of bulk staples my parents brought up. Which prompted this conversation:

Me: Hey mom. Listen, I’m calling to thank you for bringing up the rice–
Mom: Oh you’re welcome.
Me: –but it has… bugs in it.
Mom: Oh yes, the weevils.
[pause]
Me: The weevils?
Mom: Yes, turns out that rice we got had weevils in it.
Me: Oh.
[pause]
Me: So… so, how do I get rid of the weevils?
Mom: Oh just put it in the freezer, that’ll kill them.
Me: So then won’t the rice still be full of dead weevils?
Mom: Oh it’s just extra protein, honey.

So that's probably not the best segue into talking about eating food but what you going to do. I mainly cook from recipes adapted from Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home and Moosewood Restaurant Low-Fat Favorites. I also check out some Food blogs The Paupered Chef is probably my favourite– I loved the Risotto-style pasta.

Curried Chickpeas with Tofu

1 onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, diced
dash of oil
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons curry powder
pinch of caynenne
1/2 cake tofu, cubed
1 cup cooked chickpeas (about 1/2 can)
1 cup tomatoes
deweeviled rice

Sauté the onion and garlic in the oil, stir in all the spices. Add the tofu and cook for a minute. Add the chickpeas and simmer for about 10 minutes. Then throw in the tomatoes at the end and serve over rice.

This is probably the workhorse of my meals (in the sense that I have it a lot, not that it's akin to horse meat). I probably have it about once a week. It's simple and doesn't require a lot of attention

Broccoli Stuffed Baked Potatoes

x baking potatoes
x garlic cloves minced
x/10 teaspoons hot pepper flakes
x/2 teaspoon olive oil
x cups minced broccoli
x/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 400°. Cut potatoes in half lengthwise and bake with the cut side down for about 45 minutes.
About half an hour after you put in the potatoes sauté the garlic and hot pepper flakes in the oil for a minute. Add the broccoli and water and simmer – covered – for about 15 minutes. When the potato halves are cool scoop out the centres (leave a little bit of pulp on the skin) and mash the potato pulp. Stir it into the stuffing. Refill the potato skins and bake for 30 minutes.

I only made this once but I really liked it. I had bought a 10 lb sack of potatoes for a buck so I had a lot of potaotes for a while. A lot of potato related disasters as well. I decided to make gnocchi cause all I needed was potatoes, eggs and flour. It was a mistake. The gnocchi stuck to my hands no matter how much flour I dipped them in, the water from the pot scalded me as I tossed in gnocchi and the gnocchi themselves were bland and mishappen (kinda like my ex-wife!). All in all gnocchi are not that expensive or for the labour invovled it just wasn't worth it.

Pizza

This is actually a pretty atypical image of the pizza I eat because–
1) It's just a cheese pizza (I was out of vegatables by this point and
2) The crust is a pita. Normally I do the Steam Whistle beer bread as a crust. I pop it in the oven for about 10-15 minutes and then take it out and put on the tomato sauce, cheese, vegatables etc. and put it back in for another 10-15 minutes. Also I've realized that I just don't like Basil on pizza– oregano all the way. Maybe I just have bad Basil.

Broccoli Stir-Fry

3 tablespoons soy sauce
1/3 cup water
pinch cumin
pinch cayenne
1/2 tablespoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon oil
2 garlic cloves
1 chile
1/2 cake tofu, cubed
1 head broccoli, floreted
1 can baby corn
1 carrot, sliced

Combine the soy sauce, water, cumin, cayenne and cornstarch in a bowl. Pour some oil into 2 frying pans.
Pan #1 add garlic and chile, stir-fry for 30 seconds before adding the tofu. Stir fry for 4 minutes.
Pan #2 add the broccoli, carrots and baby corn stir-fry for 4 minutes (add some water midway through, more if it starts to scorch).
Now that both pans are done pour the stuff in the smaller pan into the bigger pan and add the sauce. Stir and bring to the simmer for about 3 or 4 minutes. Then serve over rice or noddles.
I like to use 2 pans but you can use 1 wok and just remove the tofu. But this shaves 5 minutes off the time.

When I had this I thought it was the best stir-fry I ever made. I decided to Leo – as he's the resident foodie – if there was anything in it that would make it this way. Turns out that the cornstarch makes a huge difference– it helps the garlic to the stick to the vegatables among other things.

I think my mainstays are probably pasta (I go through a lot of canned tomatoes for sauce– I find that chopped carrots mixed and cooked with tomatoes then put in a blender give a great sauce) and various lentil things (nb– the "chickpeas with lentils" thing I mentioned in my previous post was just the curried chickpeas with tofu with 1/3 cup of lentils mixed in instead of rice for weevil-related reasons). I think I'll probably continue doing what I'm doing but at some point I want to make Kung Pao Tofu (hat-tip: Ezra Klein).

Dear The Internets

2007-12-14T22:19:00.000-05:00

I am not dead.

In fact, I'm MORE than not dead, I am even thriving. Thank you for caring.

Here's a quick re-cap from the last episode:

WhiteBox went to South Africa. He gave people condoms. Lots of condoms. He didn't learn to speak Xhosa, there were too many **clicks** and nobody outside of the province speaks the damn language. He saw some wildlife: giraffe, antalope, waterbuffalo. He also saw ostriches, they are scary because their beaks are at perfect eye-pecking height. We had a World AIDS Day event in East London, it was a big success. The weather was good, the poetry readings were fantastic and the kids had fun.

I'm really glad to be back home. It feels great. Now I just have to find a job. Booo.

On Wednesday, my sister and I went to the NFB building (across the street from Paramount theatre) to see a screening of the rough cut of a movie called "Fiercelight" about 'spiritiual activism'. The movie examined the spiritual side of different protest acions around the world. It looked at a community farm in South Central L.A. that was threatened with demolition; annual protests at the School of the Americas; and the American civil rights movement. The movie was very rough, but the audience made a lot of really intelligent comments about the form and content of the film. The direcor's name is Velcrow Ripper.

Oh yeah, I just found out from Kate that apparently at my grandmother's funeral in October, most of the family was baked for several days in a row. AND I MISSED IT!? AAARGH!

An Announcement

2007-12-11T13:25:00.000-05:00

Hey there, friends! It's me, Sam. And I've got news!

As of Dec. 17th, 2007, I am become MONDO's new Lifestyle editor. Apparently, reunning what essentially amounts to the magazine's "misc." column demands a certain fractured "take" on life which the existing editors thought I would be good at harnessing. Anyways, asides from the obvious light bragging, I have a dark, sinister, ulterior motive for calling you all here today. If I'm to be a successful editor, I'm going to need to foist together a regular and semi-regular writing staff. So how's about it, apes? Wanna write for my section? We already publish the sex advice columns, the recipes and now Claire has a travel column in, but I know that we could be doing so much more in Lifestyle. Anything on urban life, ideas or opinions, satirical shorts, etc. Definitely some things on internet lifestyles. I wanna get things flowing. Leo, I know you could easily do some things in this vein. Same with you, Jacob. Colleen, I know that you focus more on an arts writing perspective, but if you ever get the urge to toss anything non-standard my way, I'd totally appreciate it. Dave, I don't even know if you still actively participate in this blog (I sure didn't, for a good while. There's no judgement in this), but you always seem up on the trends. Ben, if you've got any thoughts on urban living, I'd love to hear them. Also, while I'm haranguing, you should also contribute to the arts section. Anyone else have good ideas for things? Box? Neil? Andrea? Shirin? Naomi? Atly? Theoretically Benji and Aaron? Ping? Blog readers of the internet? Come one, come all!

I will also, in my role as editor, be distributing more structured assignments for those who are still interested in writing, but not in making up their own topics. Actually, I'll be giving those assignments out to everyone, regardless of whether or not they enjoy making up their own topics. So come on, whaddya say? It'll be fun! Plus, I'm told that free beer may soon be back on the table for contributing. Sure, it's not "getting paid" money, but what is, in this barter-based economy of ours?

Anyways, lemme know if there's any interest here. I'm assuming that you all know my email address. I'm fairly sure it's in my blogger user profile.

this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin

2007-12-03T00:17:00.001-05:00

So I've got an exam today (in less than 13 hours).

I think constitutional has warped my brain, like I found this (from my notes) hillarious

• Ontario had all the eggs, Quebec had all the chickens
• Quebec egg producers angry because Ontario dumping excess egg product in Quebec
• Ontario chicken producers angry because Quebec dumping excesss chickens into Ontario
• Both provinces enacted punative legislation to keep out products from other provinces (Ontario keeps out chickens, Quebec keeps out eggs)
• Manitoba, somehow, has surplus in both chickens and eggs and so is shut out of both markets
– Asks Federal government to do something about this but Federal government says “Have you translated any your legislation into French yet?"

Now what with it being exam season and all the London Bus service had a choice:
a): Because there'll be an influx of students trying to get to exams, and because students need to get to exams on time we should put more buses in service around when there'll be exams.
b): Nah, why should we put more buses on, we already have their money from the mandatory bus pass.

Which do you think they picked? Well if you picked b) because you're read my rantings about a heartless bus system you're wrong. Shame on you for thinking the worse of your fellow (wo)man. Actually they picked c: Reduce bus services during exams.

Joy.

A Garfieldian Interlude

2007-12-02T22:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I should be working on my essay what's due tomorrow, but my mind has begun to wander and I find myself on the internet once more, back in the blogosphere. this'll just be a quick post; I really should be finishing my work.

I came across an interesting article in Vice magazine today (Hooray for lazy Sundays at work!) about this. Basically, a coupla guys started drawing on bar napkins one day to see who could draw the best Garfield, and then that became their thing: they would go to bars, order pitchers and just draw endless variations of Garfield, many of which can be seen on their site (the one I linked earlier in this paragraph). Anyways, the main thing about this that grabbed me, asides from the fact that some of these variations are truly inspired (Little man garfield, legfield, jackpotfield. Others are less good. Be warned), is how much the story of their creation resembles that of our own MT comix. Hell, we were probably doing 'em first! Where's our Vice magazine article, huh?

Anyways, while I'm still on the subject of Garfield (of all things!), if you haven't seen this legendary internet thread, you should check it out. I think Neil Gaiman posts in it at some point. It's been around for a while.

Anyways, I gotta go textually analyze Kenneth Branagh's depiction of the Battle of Agincourt. S'good to be back posting, though.

Kneel was right...

2007-12-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

And it snowed and it snowed and it snowed.

Went over to Bingy's to watch American Gangster yesterday. Good movie, very good movie, not without its flaws. Like lots of gangster movies it kind of sags in the middle and there are a few "why do I need to see this?" scenes. Still, impressive. I would reccomend it.

When the movie was done at nearly 2 a.m. I discovered that there'd been some snowfall while we'd been occupied. Ne'erth'less, I decided to brave the weather and make the hike to Bathurst and College where I would wait for the beuuus with the drunken yahoos.
When I got outside I saw that my task was going to be a little tougher than I anticipated. It was still snowing hard and the wind was intense. I started trekking down to College, just looking at my feet, because you couldn't really look up without getting snow in your eyes, despite whatever your eyelashes had to say about it. I was walking for what felt like forever and at one point I finally decided to look up. I was only at Lord Lansdowne school. I had walked, like, one block.
Well, as I made my way along College, it was a little better because the wind was at my back. But people in the streets were just goin' bananas. Imagine all the 20-summats crawling out of their Kensington Market warrens just after last call and directly into a blizzard! The hollering was intense and indistinguishable.

I made it all the way to Bathurst, I considered crawling into "Bistro 422" or Sneaky's, but it was after last call, what would I do? Order a tea and wait for the storm to end? No, thought I, I shall brave it on public transportation. If Kneel was here we could split a cab. Fuck it, I could flag down a cab myself. On seeing that the next bus/streetcar wasn't scheduled to come for another 17 minutes, I said I'd walk up to Bloor, flag a cab perhaps. No cab did come with a light on.The gale was awful walking North. Just splinteringly cold. I pulled my jacket over my mouth and my toque just above my eyes. There was a procession of Nothern bound 20-summats. I passed two really tall girls and then this guy. It was like I was being sprayed with tiny icicles. If I had a celly, I could call for a cab. But, I thought, it would be best to abort this mention and go back to Benji's if possible. I turned East on Harbord and made my way to this killer-old payphone that didn't have a working display. "It will not work" I thought. I picked up the phone and there was indeed a dial tone. I put in the 50 Cent and called Benji. "He has gone to bed. He will have turned off his celly," I worried.

Benji picked up after two rings. I explained the horrors of the storm and asked for asylum. He did grant it. I walked back East, getting the very worst of the wind. For some reason I found it was easier to angle my head slightly to the left than face it head on. There was no one on the street. At this little chichy (sp?) bistro they were having a private party with well-dressed 30 year olds. A couple was getting a cab, but most of them inside looked content to continue the party. It took a long time to get to Spadina, sometimes there were no people-tracks on the sidewalk. Finally, I made it back to Benji's, he was waiting at the door.

I slept on the floor. Benji had set up a couple blankets on the carpet for me. A pillow had been fashioned from a hooded sweatshirt. I lied down in my jeans with my arms across my chest. "Man, I am too sober for floor-sleeping," thought I. I grabbed my jacket and draped it over myself. Falling asleep was tough because every now and then a draft would sweep by the floor. I woke up a couple times in the night with cramping neck pains and once when I needed to pee.

And now my poor spine has to shovel snow.

my wife has burnt the scrambled eggs

2007-11-27T17:29:00.000-05:00

So my day has been filled with a series of minor inconviences that have been surprisingly irritating.

So my alarm wakes me up early in the morning. It is not saying "9" like it is supposed to, but "7". These numbers are very different. I suppose if I meant it to say "7" and it said "9" that would be worse.

I see the bus stop and start to load people so I start sprinting towards it. Keep in mind I am in front of the bus. The bus driver can definitely see me as I run towards him. I am literally a few feet away when the last person boards and the bus driver snaps the doors shut and zooms off. When I said that the London bus drivers were nicer I didn't mean that particular one. Asshole.

So I get to school with my pasta-with-lentils lunch (most of things I'm eating these days ends with "with-lentils" actually. Tonight is barley stew with lentils. Tomorrow will be chickpeas with lentils. The day after that will be TVP stew with lentil. The day after that will probably be leftovers of aforementioned lentil-attached foods. But that's a side note). The good thing is that our law school has two microwaves. The bad thing is that they're both in one room– and they decided to do grad photos today in that room. Now one would think there'd be space for photos and microwaving, but for some reason the entire room is locked down. I eat the cold pasta.

And my watch is gone. I'm looking all over my apartment and I can't find it.

While not technically something that happened today, I find laundry somewhat annoying as well. I'm not really acustomed to paying for laundry (while in Kingston I lugged my laundry across town to do it at my grandfather's and I dislike the hassle of gathering up loonies and quarters. Also, people leave their wet clothes in the washer and I'm not sure of the ettiquette involved. Can I just take them out? Plus, no one cleans the lint trap. Still I can't complain, I left my soap down there for a week and no one stole* it. Alos there's this sign, which cheers me up:

Oh and then there's the whole Golden Compass because of the movie that's coming out. The publicly-funded Halton Catholic School Board has pulled the book from their shelves. William "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews" Donohue of the Catholic League is trying to boycott it. They claim the books are anti-Christian and anti-Catholic. Here's the thing though, they're right. I mean the books are about killing God. The BBC article on this says: "In the book - set in an imaginary world - the heroine Lyra fights against the Magisterium, an evil organisation some have interpreted as based on the Catholic Church."

While it is technically true that "some have interpreted" the Magisterium as based on the Catholic Church that's because it is! It's not our Catholic Church because John Calvin became Pope and the Papacy ended up being usurped by a snarl of different bureaucracies but it's the Catholic Church. Also, the books don't take place in "an imaginary world" the take place in multiple imaginary worlds (i.e. universes) and our own world. That's not just nitpicky, aside from showing that the reporter did not read the books the sentence seems to be constructed to make it seem like it's another Harry Potter type scenario where people are misinterpreting a fantastic setting.

Now look, these are awesome books and the movie will probably be good too. All y'all should go read them/see it. And a lot of the criticism is crazy: "Pullman, not only an atheist but also an open anti-Christian, is using his books and the upcoming movie to dupe children in to reading his novels[.]" He's using his books to dupe people to reading his books??? What a dasterdly brit! But still, their basic grievance is pretty accurate (although their solution– don't read/see it, makes their faith seem very shaky if it can be challanged by a fantasy series).

Most likely my irritability is just stress over exams manifesting itself in other ways (just as this post is procrastinating to avoid working on my constitutional summary). Such is life.

* "Stole" is probably too harsh here because it implies a criminal act and they very well could argue colour of rights. Let's go with "converted."

But when the jux go down...

2007-11-22T23:37:00.001-05:00

Before I headed out of the house today I made a choice to wear my worn brown leather jacket and not my massive bubble jacket. It's a little cold this morning (it's actually 3:00 p.m., but I call it the morning because it's before NightClass!) as I am walking to St. Clair West station. I look over at this gaudy new convenience store "Big Bee" and think to myself, "man, wouldn't it be great if convenience stores sold alcohol?"

I go to class. The first class is frustrating and a little dull, the scond class is riveting as usual. Because of the weather, the prof lets us go a little early - just after 9:00 p.m. (he usually goes til 9:30 or so). I am thinking to myself, "Great, I'll make it to the LCBO before it closes at 10:00 and buy my beer for the weekend and have one tonight."

At St. Clair West I get out and go through the interior garden section of the Loblaw's towards the LCBO. I see these two sketchy guys directly in front of the LCBO's glass doors talking to each other. They look about 25 years old, but it's hard to tell. One's wearing a green jacket and the other guy's wearing a bright red jacket. They both look pretty trashed. The red jacket guy hands the green jacket guy money and says "I can't go in, they've already seen me." So I walk past them into the store over to the beer fridge. This yuppie couple comes in behind me, they're trying to pick a wine. I'm choosing out my beers when the green jacket guy comes over and asks me a question. I ask him to repeat. He's asking where something called Chelly's or Callie's is and I don't know. I pick my six tall boys and before I've gotten to the front counter I hear this:
"Get out of here."
"I was served 40 minutes ago."
"We saw you with him. Get out. Leave. You're banned from here."
There are two LCBO employees with their arms folded across their chest seeing to the green jacket man's departure. Well, they ring up my purchase and there's a 30 year old guy behind the counter and this small girl who's about my age. She says to her co-worker,
"He thought he'd get the girl alone - he came way too close to me."
I consider putting the beers in my backpack. But I don't want to bother with the hassle of stuffing them in my bag that's already got all these books in it. So I just carry out the bag.

In the Loblaw's section, there's the green jacket guy just walking slowly, talking to himself. I walk behind him a few paces, then I realize that there's no one else around but him and me. If he starts acting erratic, it would be unpleasent. So I decide to pass him - get away from him as fast as possible. I pass in front and start fastwalking and I notice he picks up his pace a little. A guy starts coming down the escalator perpendicular to me with a shopping cart and I speed up to put the man between me and green-jacket. But green jacket speeds up and clears him. I exit the building and decide to head over to the crowd waiting for the bus as quick as I can. Before I can get to the crowd I hear, "Hey," see the green-jacket guy in the corner of my eye and when I turn to face him, he's ripped the beer bag from my hand! I'm looking at him, clutching the ripped off plastic bag handle and I say, "C'mon. What the fuck?"
"I'm doing you a favour. I'm saving your liver."
"Come on."
"I'm saving you. I'm saving your liver."
I size him up and for a split second consider what a fight with this guy would involve if he did attack me. Then I spot his buddy, red-jacket is standing four feet over, looking at me. And he's fidgeting with something. It's just a glove.
Green Jacket shouts, "I'm saving your liver. I'm saving your liver," as he starts backing away. Red Jacket tells him "Shut up, let's go. Just go!" The two guys start dashing across the street.

I turn back in towards the LCBO. Walking, then running. The man and the girl who did my purchase are right behind the counter I run in, breathing heavily,
"Guess what just happened, I just got ripped off by those two fellas* who were just in here!"
I explained how the green jacket guy just ripped the bag straight out of my hand and noticed then, that I still had the ripped off plastic bag handle in my hand. They were shocked to hear that the guy just ripped it out of my hands, the girl said she'd never heard of anything like that. They debated about whether or not to call the police. They didn't. The staff agreed that those two fellas would never be allowed back at that location in any condition. I showed the girl my receipt and the LCBO gave me all the beer that had been nabbed from me! The girl asked to keep my receipt as evidence when the store security people come in for the weekend. As I left I realized that it was like 9:55 and if this had happened just a little later, I might never have been able to tell the staff.

So basically, I got my beer back and I didn't get harmed at all. It's a pretty good story. And I'm glad that I live in a neighbourhood in a city where this sort of thing is unusual. And I'm glad the LCBO exists. You think if I'd bought those beers at the Big Bee and went in they would've taken me seriously, let alone totally replace my beer without any hassle? I couldn't help but think that if I had been wearing my "tough" jacket, that sort of conceals my slimness, this might not have happened. It made me think about why young guys who are 'good kids' who live in bad neighbourhoods are apt to dress thugged-out. But I learned three "street smarts rules"
1) If you are behind a a crazy or sketchy person, stay behind. As soon as you pass them, they have the watching you advantage.
2) Keep your alcohol in your backpack.
3) If you are carrying a bag and you're walking parallel to a wall and you think someone is scheming on your shit, put the bag in the hand closest to the wall.
4) What I already knew - the most important rule - don't fuck with stupid, desperate sketchy people.

And on the busride home, I was like, maaan, I'm gonna BLOG about this.

* - I actually said fellas.

He Yet Lives!

2007-11-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

Hey, everypeoples! Bet you all thought I was dead. You'd be wrong, but fully justified in the guessing. I thought Facebook notes could substitute blogging. How wrong and foolish I was. So wrong and foolish.

Anyways, I just bought my dad's old laptop computer! Now all I need is a cell phone and I'll be a fully functioning figure of the digital age! Pretty nifty, no?

Anyhow, to celebrate this new acquisition, I started my own blog; not to replace The Ape, rest assured, but as a side project I've been considering for some time now: a fully-fledged online dream journal. I figure that I generally have pretty cool dreams, but working them into everyday conversation is often torturous at best, so why not just write 'em down and send them out into the aether for people to pick and choose from at leisure. Anyways, s'at lintoncandream.blogspot.com.

And I promise to write more "Grade-Ape " material in the near future, too.

The Comics

2007-11-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

Renny is back on the comics and what does he think?

Dropsie Avenue: The Neighbourhood by Will Eisner is a real winner. Eisner mixes a Disneying sentimentality with some very harsh and awful realities. It's a surprisingly good combination.

Good As Lily by Derek Jerk Kim not as good as Same Difference. It has a cool concept, but there are a couple major holes in the 'built world' and so the story is pretty unsatisfying. The dialogue is not up to Kim standards, either. He didn't draw the comic either and the guy who did is sort of doing a Kim style but faster and sloppier. If you get to the back of the comic, you see that he made it for Minx, which seems to be a series by DC for 14 year old girls. Which then explains the general tone and style of the comic previously, except for one really off-colour joke about pus-filled sores from an STD. But if someone else wants to read this comic, it is a quick read and I'd like to talk to someone about how this comic could have been fixed. Because I very strongly get the sense that it could be, but I'm not sure exactly how. It would have to involve something done in the actual devices of the story. He's got to be more specific with his 'magic' - I think that's the first step.

The Spiegelman comics about the Twin Towers. Worth reading. Interesting. Not fantastic. But it is a new way of looking at 9/11 - he was pretty close to it. The other thing too, is that he was one of the few voices dissenting during that period when it was not okay.

Right now I'm reading the 5 year collection of American Elf, Kochalka's daily journal comics. At first I could not stand it and I wanted to strangle this man! A massive compendium of burping, pissing, farting, fucking, saying something cute to your wife, saying something cute to your cat. The man is in his 30's and he is constantly celebratory of how immature he is. Literally, pouting until he gets McDonald's. But the strips, they grow on you. Somehow. He's got a very distinct sparse style that allows him to be very novel at times. The strips are more interesting when something happens in his life, like a trip overseas than when he is back at home waiting for his wife to get home and talking to his cat (literally! There are several comics like this!) So it sort of makes you wish he'd apply himself in some slightly different direction. The problem is when people start copying Kochalka. Seriously, I once bought a comic by some chubby guy who was ripping Kochalka off (which he acknowledged) and didn't have the same stylistic grace and so it was just poor.
I picked up the book because Jeff Rowland and Scott McCloud said this guy was the best and I respect their opinions. Right now I'm still torn as to whether the strips are any good, but I do keep getting drawn back in.

I've got an exam on Wednesday for my class in social geography. We only have to study four chapters. On the topic of relative versus absolute poverty, my prof said this, roughly,
"If I cannot afford $1,200 for an ice cream, does that mean I am in poverty? If I cannot afford to go to little cafe in Manhattan and pay $1,200 for just ice cream and they put some little fruits around the edge of the dish, does that mean I am poor? Compared to Jennifer Lopez, who can just say "sure" and pay $1,200 just like that, just for ice cream, maybe, I am poor. But not really, I am not really in absolute poverty."
He talked about some other stuff and came back to the ice cream example twice more in the lecture.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life

2007-11-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

Londontown is an interesting place. The bus drivers are nicer than in Toronto but the routes are, shall we say, badly organized. Because the bus service gets our money anyway (it's forcibly extracted via tuition) they have no incentive to help us. There's nothing more dispiriting than being late for class because buses zoom by because they're full. Actually that's not true at all there's quite a bit that's more dispiriting. This for one. Or this. And, uh, pretty much most of what you'll read on Google News. And even in my own life probably exams are the big one.

But there is good news (and not just, like, 10 mentions of Donoghue in the past week).

I just get a new bed:

It was funny when they came to put it in and take away my old mattress the guy became very apologic and was like: "We're actually not allowed to take that away because technically what you're been sleeping on is not a mattress but junk." So I guess now that's avalible for visiters.

Also Hillary Clinton has a funny video [really!] about the Iowa caucus. It's even got a pretty diverse (for Iowa) with some black people, Latinos and a young gay couple. It also illustrates to me the profoundly stupid way the Iowa caucuses are set up and, more broadly, the profoundly stupid idea of letting them pick the President.

But while Clinton's video was funny, I think this has to take the cake as my new favourite political ad:

But in Quebec, we are le raciste, Parte Deux

2007-10-21T12:53:00.000-05:00

The Parti Quebecois purposes a new law:
"Failing to learn French would bar an immigrant from holding public office at any level, raising funds for political parties, or petitioning the National Assembly for redress of a grievance."

Take heart though. As PQ leader Marois says: "Quebec's francophone majority must stop feeling afraid of appearing intolerant." Uh huh.

But I think this line really takes the cake:

"The PQ leader accused her critics of creating a double standard: English Canadians may speak of a collective "us" which includes everyone. However, she said the PQ is branded as exclusionary by catering to the province's French-speaking majority."
Wow. Just wow. As Christopher Hitchens put it: "You must have meant something more intelligent."

In terms of good new things though:
The Daily Show now has all of its videos online.

The Safari 3 beta is out. Most of its features were already in firefox but I'm really loving options like putting a tab in a new window and merging them back.

Across the Universe is a movie for people who thought the problem with Moulin Rouge was that it wasn't self-indulgent enough. Still it's a fun enough movie.

Secret Agent Box

2007-10-12T07:28:00.000-05:00

Myaaaan. I am awesome.

Last week on Brigitte, Katia and I decided to go to the roof of the Botha Sigcau gov't office tower. So we did. There were no locked doors or inquisitive staff to bar our way. We got to the roof snapped some fun pictures and I climbed even higher up a radio tower. That was nerve wracking.

Today I was on my own in Umtata doing internet and groceries. While I took a break to have a beer I was sitting on the patio facing the PRD building which is another gov't office tower, even taller than the BS bldg. On a whim I decided I would try to get to the roof of that one as well. The PRD bldg is a wedge shaped builing with a broad circular roof, which I speculated would be a heli pad. I stolled in took the elevator to the 18th floor and started wandering around. On the 18th floor are offices of the South African Police Service. There was a sign in the washroom saying 'gentlemen, please ensure you do not leave your cell phones or firearms in the washroom'. I bet they had to put up the sign because some gumshoe left his glock by the sink. I quickly found the fire escape and walked up to the next floor from there I found my way through several unlocked doors onto a sub roof. From the sub roof I walked up an external set of metal frame stairs to the...HELI PAD!!! Fuck yay. So I strolled around and called Katia to say "Hey Katia guess what I'm calling from the muthafuckin roof of the PRD bldg." While I was up there I thought I could here the **thp thp thp** of helicopter blades, but I think it was just a jackhammer on the street below or perhaps my hearts which was hammering in my ear. Miraculously, I was able to get down the stairs and reenter the bldg unobserved. These cops ain't exactly on their toes, they leave on the fucking doors to the roof unlocked. What if I had been a terrorist?

Back at ground level I wandered into a small auditorium where a crowd of people were facing a table with three black guys and a white guy. They were talking in Xhosa so I don't know what they were talking about but once in a while someone would say 'municipal allowance'. The white guy looked REALLY bored. He looked curiously at me when I walked in because I was the only white person in the audience. In the foyer I snagged a handful of sandwiches that were probably for the people in the auditorium.

MURDA-venture!

But in Quebec, we are le raciste

2007-10-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

A new poll from Quebec brings news:
"Every accommodation of, or basic freedom for, a non-Christian religion-- prayer spaces, individuals wearing hijabs or turbans or kirpans in public schools or public employment, cafeterias serving kosher or halaal food-- is opposed by a Quebecois majority, and typically by 65-90%. Meanwhile, 68% want to leave the Catholic crucifix in the National Assembly."

Really driven home by this quote from the reasonable accomodation hearings they're having about this issue:

Lise Provencher, of St. Jerome, said immigrants are "buying their way in" to Quebec and that Jews are the worst because they're "the most powerful. ... It's always been said that the Jews are the trampoline of money in the world." After she spoke, the crowd applauded.

Carbolic Smoke Ball

2007-09-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

So since I last posted, professors have brought up Donaghue v. Stevenson (said as Donaghue and Stevenson by the way, in yet another instance of how Amerian vocab messes with me [by the way, "by the way" in latin is Obiter Dicta which means in a judicial opinion "Shit that isn't really relavant but I threw in anyway]) 3 more times. I learned a fun fact of the supreme court– there are two types of justices, the chief justice and the others, who are called "puny" justices. It's spelt "puisne" which is old French for "inferior".

I got a powerpoint presentation in class.

First Slide:
A

"This is the grade you are used to getting."

Second Slide:
B

"This is the grade you will now be getting"

Confirmed by our first assignment.

I bought some books on Indigo online which is horribly overpriced but I had a gift card. It's actually cheaper to buy from Amazon.com (not .ca) and have them shipped in from the states. I've only done this once though cause I don't have a credit card: I bought "America: The Book". With that backstory here's the email I just got from them:

"If you want justice then throw a brick through the bastard's window"

2007-09-08T20:43:00.000-05:00

Law school is kinda like high school. I have 8 courses... all of which are in one building. Plus lockers. So far there's only really been drinking (which was not, for me, much like high school). But there are some assignments and (technically) about 350 pages of reading. Most professors have brought up Donaghue v. Stevenson which is cited quite a bit for a case about a snail in a bottle of ginger beer. So far everyone is awesome, we'll see if that lasts. Not awesome for a dude named Collins (in a case I'm doing for my first assignment) is the fact that his lawyer left out 5 words in a contact which lost him about the equivalent of a million dollars nowadays. Ouch.

I wrote up a report on my PAX trip but I'm not going to type it up cause I have swollen tendons from the summer.

It Starts With Y0U

2007-07-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

After a long and grueling day of fighting I got my # switched for no fee. Facebook/email me for it if you so want. This post would better describe the Kafkesque Hell of customer service if my hands weren't killing me.

outlook not good for "most polite town" prize

2007-07-05T20:01:00.000-05:00

I'm visiting my sister in Seattle for while, and the part of town where she lives is pretty sketchy. We walked to the ocean today and she warned me that drivers are prone to honk and/or yell things at girls walking on the street. It was about 2 1/2 hours total of walking and we counted 4 "hey baby"s, 15 honks, and one scary looking guy leaning against his car invited me into his house to "kick it" for a while. Maybe he has an armadillo. Thankfully what Seattle appears to lack in polite, well-mannered citizenry it makes up for with beautiful ocean and mountains.

I took the bus here, a sweet 3-day bus ride across Canada. There is still snow on the ground in some parts of Saskatchewan, which was surprising. The bus stopped pretty much every two hours, and it was kind of sad because fully 1/2 to 2/3 of the bus would get out every time to smoke. There was even a young pregnant girl among them, which was rather... what's the opposite of heartwarming?

I stayed in Victoria for a couple of days. It's pretty much my favourite place now. I stayed with my friend Laura who had all sorts of crazy stories about all of the interesting people who live there. Apparently Victoria has a big underground satanist population and they perform many ceremonies in the parks. It also has a substantial hippie population, and she has developed an extreme aversion to all things pertaining to hippies. She had a friend who, last time she saw her, was running a fairly successful business, and out of the blue she showed up at her door with a daughter, both of them shoeless and dirty, and asked to stay for a few days. They ended up staying for a month, eating all her food and inviting strange hairy men into her apartment. She would leave food to rot in various places, and then try to clean it up with tea tree and hemp oil, which only exacerbated the smell. She was raising her daughter as a vegan, even though she wasn't even a vegetarian herself, and would cut up meat and cheese in front of the little girl and refuse to give it to her when she asked. It sounded pretty crazy.

Also, I saw this in a shop window. It made me supremely happy.

Report from Rosebank

2007-06-25T03:58:00.000-05:00

Yes yes y'all

Foreign Correspondent WhiteBox is in Johannesburg, the City of Gold.

The 12 hour bus ride was through the middle of the night so I couldn't even watch the scenery. The driver and co-driver played some pirated 'Race Collection' DVD with all three F&F, some cheap (like film student cheap)Aussie knock off and a movie that from the beginning looked like a street racing themed porn. They stopped that one in the second scene when things got steamy. It was called 'Thrust', who could have guessed?

There was some interesting people watching at the Jo'burg bus terminal. The dissstrict where I have been working is pretty homogeneous, about 95% black, so arriving in Jo'burg which is called the first non-racial city in SA was something new. It was the first time I got to actually see the 'Rainbow Nation'. A lot of the white people I saw we would probably label as 'white trash'. I think they were mostly Afrikaan and possibly the result of decades of inbreeding.

Some guy(?) with a soft effeminate voice and startlingly long eye lashes came and started talking to me.I thought he was some sort of grotty man hooker, but all he wanted was money for cab fare.

I took a taxi out to Rosebank one of the affluent northern suburbs where anyone with money lives. Driving around there is very intimidating. Every single house is surrounded by a wall that is at least 8 feet tall and topped with spikes or electrified wire. These people don't fool around. Linda and Patrick (the people I am staying with) were out in front to meet. They had to reopen the automated steel gate before we could actually go inside.

Linda and Patrick are very talkative and friendly but, boy are they captivated by racial stereotypes. She is a Honk Kong Chinese who believes it British superiority and he is Belgian rheumatologist and medical researcher. They know my dad through the Journal of Rheumatology.

We talked about South African society. Linda lowers her voice to say "Africans" and chides her husband for saying "blacks". There is the fear of the 'great black menace' which transcends colour. Rosebank seems to be relatively mixed racially but it's hard to tell becuase everyone lives in their private fortress. Linda told me that if they are driving home late they won't open the gate and pull into the drive way if there is another car approaching from behind, they will drive around the block. Apparently several friends have been robbed when they open the gate and the assailants rush in.

We're not in Toronto anymore, Toto.

Next post from Portugal.

Passed on without comment

2007-06-22T17:44:00.000-05:00

Co-worker describing yours truly: "He's such a quiet guy"

cause my identity by itself causes violence

2007-06-15T16:58:00.000-05:00

So I was talking with the Neil the other day and something was mentioned I decided that I should blog. Unfortunately I now have no memory about what that something was. Your lives are all now richer upon having read this.

So my iPod broke: it just started randomly shutting down. I went to the iPod store which looks like a temple. A white, almost monastic, decour is complemented by the bustling of busy green-clad acolytes. The first person I talked to was very helpful and friendly and tested it for software problems which involved "restoring" it which wiped out all the music on it (he also offered me some advice for my mouse). But it's all (well minus or or two songs) backed up on my computer and they gave me new music for the trip home. The third person I talked to was also very helpful and friendly and decided that it was a mechanical problem so they gave me a new iPod. All in all a good and nice experience (observent readers* may note I didn't mention the second person who was unhelpful and made up some bullshit about how even though I was under warrenty I wasn't really under warrenty).

So there's an article on the Worst Jobs In Science and here's the opening of #9:
“One day a local detective called me who knew I’d majored in entomology in college and said, ‘Hey, Neal, we got a body at the morgue with insects on it. You wanna give it a shot?’ The corpse turned out to be a guy I used to have breakfast with, and there were maggots in his teeth. Then I found some in his eyes, and I thought, ‘This is what I want to do. This is just way too cool.’”
After reading his reaction I thought: we are very different people

Oh and lastly I've developed a strange fascination with this video:

*assuming anyone still reads this.

A goat in the Seine? Without doubt that's insane

2007-06-02T05:28:00.000-05:00

I got the package!

Thanks everyone it's fantastic! I was like a kid on Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukah/Dvali/um...Muslim Gift Day.

I put Sam's CD of Metal into the stereo and cranked up the tunes. Fists were pumped. Heads were banged. Horns were thrown.

The WhiteBox puppet was a great idea. I reinforced the box with pieces of cardboard. He has mustache and side burns. Lookin' good.

During the 90 minute walk back from our Youth Developement Centre to my house I started making up rhymes. Here is an example:

the antidote to aunts who dote on stout stoats is to tell the aunt an anecdote about goats in pants drinking stout in France.

Our cluster is falling apart. One volunteer left because she was preggers,another transfered to the other district because she couldn't stand her partner and this week another left because she says she got another job. Oh well she was useless. This we I had to alert the staff to the fact that one of the volunteers in out cluster drinks during the working day and shows up at community events sauced. With any luck they will give him the boot. If they have any brains they will just cut their losses and abandon two of the deserted communities, but I think the staff will try to find some replacement volunteers.

Many volunteers have been pushed almost to a state of open mutiny because our stipend was at least three weeks late for everyone. Coincidentally I have been reading A Tale of Two Cities recently.

Our library project died on the vine, but I'm doing my own thing now. I am sending a letter to Marvel Comics in NYC to beg for them to donate some comics. We'll see what happens.

For our holiday I am going to Portugal to join Kate and her parents at a rented house near Lisbon. This means taking a 12 hour bus from dodgy Umtata to dodgy Johannesburg, followed by another 12 hour flight to London and a flight from there to Lisbon. Fuck, I am going to be so grubby and exhausted by the time I arrive. Oh well it will be worth it.

I'm outta here, Yo!

sit behind your desk count every penny you own

2007-05-28T23:16:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to Neil the other day (good hardworking white collar serf types that we are) about which "lock" button we hate most. Neil hates caps lock (or should that be CAPS LOCK). To him it's unnecessary and fucks him up with word. Me, I don't mind it as I use it quite a bit cause I have to type all in caps at certain parts in my job. I don't like the PC caps lock thing though. The mac makes every letter a capital. PCs turn into into bizzaro world where shift clicking lower cases things. So I have to make say a " & " or a " ? " or even a " " " and then around things become lower case. But that's just a minor inconvience. What I hate the worst is Num lock. The Num Lock on my computer is right above the 7. So I'll be typing strings of numbers away furiously from a sheet of paper and glance at the screen to see that Num Lock is on and I haven't been typing anything. What makes me hate it even more is there's no gorram reason for it. I already have something that lets me move around from the keyboard: the ARROW PAD! It even has arrows on it. I don't need another one. Gosh I hate it.

(After rereading that passage I came to the conclusion that I am very lucky that things like this are problems)

So here's something more interesting: I present to you my long lost relatives:

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays

2007-05-19T12:07:00.000-05:00

So I was considering writing a "Dispatch from Vermont" post but I pretty much mentioned everything that happened to peoples in real life. Besides anything really interesting (i.e. possibly illegal) I wouldn't want on the internet. So I'll give you my two possible opening sentences:

"Vermont is a strange and wonderful land where fridges have water dispencers, grocery stores have beer and horses have fur (and are called, for some reason, llamas)."
or
"It only took me a few seconds to use the pliers to smash the lock on my girlfriend's diary."

If you add up all the time I spent travelling on the Vermont trip I ended up with about a solid day of travel. So I got a lot of time to read books, including The Risen Empire which is several degrees of awesome. For publication it was split into 2 books but the version I got was both in one copy. Which is good because otherwise there's an insane cliffhanger. I've read some other stuff by the author (Scott Westerfeld) which are mainly teen fiction (though I read one by him called "Evolution's Darling" which is a) not teen fiction and b) several degrees of fucked up– and not in a good way).

It's been a good first week at work which I'm not going to blog about because I've read the horror stories about people being fired for blogging. I'll just say that everyone is really nice which is, apperently, unusual for a law firm.

Set 'pon this corporate scumbag!

2007-05-08T20:31:00.000-05:00

And Lo, the Mighty Box ascended from the Heavens and absolved all of any feeling of interest in making their own posts, sharing their own tales.

Hm, I understand, though. So much is going on for me right now, yet so little is happening right now. Like, if I was in a cartoon, this would be the part where I'm whistling and walking through a field of daisies or something before I got whomped. Things are looking good and there's no real conflict at the moment.
But I know, off the top of my head, two excellent stories by members of this blog, that would make brilliant posts, but maybe it's actually bether to save them for ANOTHER MEDIUM (wink, wink).

I did my last in-class driving lesson today. We had the agent from State Farm come into class today. Before he arrived our teacher encouraged us to hound him like some old boar. One fellow did so, explaining his increasingly elaborate plan to defraud car insurance companies. When he left, our teacher reminded us that the agent was just giving us the corporate perspective and that if we wanted to do dangerous things on our own time, that was cool.
Thursday I get behind the wheel for the first time ever in life. Euch! All I can think is that it's better to be here now than in ten years. It's better to be here now than in ten years. It's better to be here now... Maybe I'll like it!

I believe we should keep writing. Anyone who is reading the blog, please say "aye" in the comments box for this post. If there be nary a soul 'round, we might need to have an official referendum for realsies.

My KB start date is June 4th, for the record. And I should be coming back after my first week of work on account of it's convenient.

P.S. - Things aren't such smooth sailing for EVERYONE. No, I'm not talking about Redman!

Axis of Fucking INCOMPETENT

2007-04-29T11:15:00.000-05:00

Hey crew, 'm back at the coast at lovely coffee shack. The weather is mixed up. Some days it's hot and sunny, other times it's cold and wet. This morning was FREEZING.

This are getting worse with partner linda. When I asked for money she owes me she said "You are a liar! All men are cheats! All men want my money!" Alrighty then. She asked if I thought I was better than her. It took a lot not to give her the honest answer which would have been "You're goddam right I think I'm better, you psychotic ****"

We had a disasterous Freedom Day event, Murphy's Law was in effect. Our tent blew over, PA system showed up 4 hours late, 2 out of 9 guest speakers showed up, tornado force winds with sand and dust.

Brigitte, Chloe and I copmpared notes about partners.

Chloe thinks her's drinks on the job, Brgitte's ex-partner hits kids in class and mine is a man hating psycotic. good times

I has a masters

2007-04-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

Hoorah for degrees that take 8 months to complete. Now I have a month to study for three comprehensive exams in June, a month and a half off, then round two where I have to rewrite (and pass) any exams I failed the first time. Then it's four sweet years of smooth PhD sailing. I figure that if by then I'm still enthusiastically in love with being a student then there's got to be something horribly wrong with me. I'm hoping that somewhere between now and then my priorities will rearrange themselves so that "having lots of free time and being able to do just about whatever you want" is at least a few notches below "wanting to earn more than $15 000 a year".

My friend Christine quit her tedious-and-meaningless-but-extremely-well-paid job to take a two-year trip to China, SE Asia, New Zealand and Australia. Here is a recent anecdote entitled "Times I've been held for Ransom":

It was 2 AM and there I was, laying on a concrete floor in a bar on Cat Ba island. My Halong Bay trip was taking a turn for the worst, and it had already been fairly shit so far.

The issue at hand was this: at some point in the evening twenty drinks were drank, but not by me or the two Aussie girls (Leah and Nicki) I was with, however someone was going to pay before the bar was emptied out and two Vietnamese waitresses decided it was going to be us. We had been stopped when we got up to leave, having already paid for the four drinks we drank, when they insisted we had paid for nothing and owed about 240,000 VND ($16 USD — more than half a day’s budget!). Ahh, a simple misunderstanding, something that could no doubt be rectified by some calm explanations of who was right and who was wrong. Well it turned out that we were wrong whether we liked it or not.

“You no pay! You stay here until morning and we call police! You sleep on floor!”

Gung for Sugared Hilltops

2007-04-27T11:47:00.000-05:00

What happens when you combine my greatest interest over the last nine years (hip hop) with my current fascination (cooking)?

Rappers' Delights. I picked it up from the library. The book promises recipes from all of today's hottest hip hop superstars. Flavor Flav, Yo Yo, MC Lyte, Hoes With Attitude (HOES With Attitude?! Now I've seen everything!) and a group called Immature, which includes three kids around the age of ten, dressed like Slick Rick at his gaudiest. Don't get me wrong, you've got some legends in here - KRS One's recipe for broccoli with melted cheese sauce, Erick Sermon puts in a good recipe and so does Heavy D.

The recipes really vary in terms of quality of instruction. For example, while some have step by step instructions and precisely measured ingredients, Flavor Flav's Rice Pilaf ingredients list goes like this:
A bag of rice
Your favorite stuff
And the only recipe is written in his jerky, halting rhythm of speech peppered with many "yeeeah" and "Y'know what I'm saying"s. Later in the book there's a quote from Chuck D saying that Flavor is a liar and he never cooks anything himself.

I'm looking at this book and the whole colourful, fun, jubilant layout and I'm thinking, damn, hip hop used to be fun. Even the tough guys are giving their recipes, here. Nowadays, you wouldn't see 50 Cent's Lemon Chicken or The Game's Beef Stew. Everybody's too tough.

Then I have a look at the publishing date. 1998! I start thinking back, were these rappers still big in 1998? No. No, 1998 is when I started listening to rap and I remember who was big at the time: Puff Daddy was huge, DMX, Jay-Z was getting big, Wu Tang Clan and Method Man were big, Busta Rhymes was big, Ice Cube was making sort of a comeback. That means there was a major gap between writing the book and getting it printed. It was hokey and out of date by the time it got to print.

That makes me think of my own journey with hip hop and how I got in after the good times. The fun times at least. Anyways, I plan to make at least one recipe out of there. Too bad there are no dishes from Redman.

He got an F but he deserved an A

2007-04-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

So it's exam time over here in Queen's University (one tomorrow in fact). And after that, no more Queen's. The different is already apperent as the requests for money have already begun to trickle in. But that's not how I roll. Ask not what I can do for Queen's but what Queen's can do for me. Now I can't get any scholarships per se because I'm leaving. However, I just got an email listing prizes that I can submit an essay to (or, more accurately, cajole and/or browbeat a prof to submit it). The first one wants an esasy of "particular literary excellence." Now, I haven't written an historical essay of "particular literary excellence" this year. In fact I don't think I've ever written an essay with "particular literary excellence" in any subject so I think I'll let that one pass. The next one is for military history for a seminar. Now, as it happens, I have just written an essay on military history for a seminar. It was on atrocities during the English Civil War, which creates a weird mental state. Because on one hand they're atrocities and thus bad, but on the other I need them for my essay. So I'd read about the massacre of a hundred defenceless soldier's wives after Naseby because they were thought to be Irish and my first reaction is "Awesome! That'll go great in my ethnic hatred section!" (My second, more human, reaction was of course: "How has this not been turned into a song by The Decemberists?" But it's probably not that great. The last history one is on peace and neutrality resolving conflicts and I have one on Chinese foreign policy with regard to the Vietnam War which is about peace/neutrality only in so far as China didn't openly fight the US. But what the hey, I think I'll submit it (along with one for the woman's studies prize where I'll send by "16 Military Wives" essay). Will I win? Probably not. But why not try?

Not even trying, apperently, are the abstinence crew at Harvard. It's ironic that they're saving themselves for marriage because the aura of smug self-righteousness would most likely act as an effective contraceptive.

Three Times is a Charm

2007-04-23T11:37:00.000-05:00

Semi frequent readers of the blog (Cup in eye?) will know that once every few months in Toronto, someone eggs me.
The first time I got got was on College Street in the summertime. Ben and Meghan were thurrr and can attest to the carnage. They got me right between the backpack and the back. Thankfully, it was warm so I could take my shirt off and rollerblade home.
The second time was on the Bathurst bus a couple months after the first incident. The windows were up so everyone was ok. My sister was there that time. I can't say I was the target specifically this time, but I was visible from the assaulter's vantage point.
The third time, the time that proves that I am being targeted by egg-chuckers in this city, happened just last night. Salmon Eye were walking home along St Clair just west of Bathurst at about quarter to two in the a.m. when I hear something that sounds like a glass bottle smashing. After initial stun, we realize we were the intended targets of drive-by egg chuckers! Two eggs are dripping down the construction site plyboard walls.
"What the fuck! It's a fucking egg! How the fuck is this even possible! This is the third time I have had a fucking egg thrown at me in the city of Toronto by a total stranger."
Sam was just as shocked. There was a woman walking ahead of us who kind of glanced around, but kept on going. The eggers did not target her, nor the next woman ahead of her. Salmon Eye talked about how bad it woulda been to get hit. I want to put out a message to all eggers in the GTA, because I know you read my blog and target me. Listen: if you must throw eggs at people for the purpose of nasty prankery, take the eggs out of the fridge two hours before you chuck them. A cold egg is much harder than a soft one and can cause real injury.
As Salmon Eye continued down the street, we saw two guys around our age who seemed fairly drunk, even from a distance. "Are these the eggers?" I thought to myself. Well, no matter, because there's no way we could take them. As we got closer, the one guy in a rugby shirt asks me, "Hey, did you guys get egged?" He had yolk all down his sleeve and some on his shoulder. His friend, in a Queen's University jacket was untouched. The rugby shirt guy showed us his bottom forearm, "They got me right here. It really hurt, it's gonna fuckin' bruise up". When I got back home I noticed I got some eggwhite splashback on my jeans. At least I didn't get a fucking welt on my head.

When people ask me, "Is Toronto a safe city?" I say sure. I ride public transit constantly and no one ever tries to pick your pocket, I've never been stuck up. Girls tell me dirty old men can be a problem, but me, I just have a problem with eggers.

I wonder what Redman would do if someone threw an egg at him?

BILLY. THE. KID.

2007-04-21T18:15:00.000-05:00

HotDocs: Billy The Kid. There's a repeat on Sunday afternoon at the ROM. 'sfree for students. Not a student? Flash 'em an old Chinese take-out menu and see if that works.
This is the best HotDoc I've seen and possibly the best documentary I've ever seen. It's a documentary about a very unique 15 year-old boy with a host of disorders that aren't explained in a conventional, sociological way, but you get the picture. Man, do you ever get the picture. I hate to gush, especially in cliched terms, but it really runs the gamut from heartwarming to heartbreaking to hilarious to horribly, unwatchably awkward. I literally had to block my face with my hands at certain points because it was so AWKWARD! I won't say too much now, for it really must be seen by all who can. Like I said, quite possibly the best doc I've ever seen.
I'll probably do a "formal" write up for MONDO with some other mini-reviews of pictars I get a peek at.

Last night while out to see Billy The Kid, (naw, truthfully we were tryna see Let's All Hate Toronto, but didn't get in) I ran into various Ghosts of The Past. Reagan and Nigel at th' Bloor of course, Rael Jan at the Green Room and then Eric from UFA on the street.

---

Driving lessons are a fun and unique experience. Heh... My driver is a real joker. He likes to tell us to stop for cops and not try to outdrive them, because they have special driving courses and they could getcha.
He went on a two minute rant about how he never wears his seatbelt and they shouldn't make you do it by law, but since it is a law, do it, cause it could cost you two points.
He has dreadlocks and glasses. He doesn't believe that climate change is occuring.

---

It's been a while since I listened to Newark-area rap artist, Redman.

You Are Worthless Alec Baldwin

2007-04-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

Someone's looking for a 'Father of the Year' nomination

I was going to visit my great-uncle in the hospital today (i.e. Saturday) with my grandfather. Unfortunately he lives in Ottawa and a rogue band of Mohawks have decided to barricade the traintracks because CN is illegally occupying their land. Haha, just kidding. Actually CN is completely unrelated to the complaint which is about a developer. But, hey, why should that stop this group (which doesn't, btw, have the approval of the Mohawk council) from inflicting millions of dollars in losses and massive inconvenience to Ontarians.

Speaking of inconvenience, I'm sure everyone has a problem with spam. Mine is a lot more manageable now and gmail catches basically all of it. One was able to avoid the spam filters and its contents were just... bizzare. It was sent by a "Melisizwe Mcqueen" and it read like James Joyce huffed a lot of glue and then wrote some science fiction:

"the ring closed. The play ended. The alien artifact retrieved. The the questioning. Sjonvarp. Sounds pretty terrible, Madonette said. Turning all those men into kit and poked my finger on the symbol for stairs. Now, down to the a break at the end of the first hour, dropped down and drank some only assume that is a little joke and they intend to wash the dust why was her memory still popping up?-you catch more porcuswine with So before the last i was dotted, before the last alien artifact laid it dry and sat motionlessly while I waited for its beneficent Bethuel. of the thick, undoubtedly watertight, door. Exactly. the Fundamentaloids we ought to be out there tracking them down. We unloaded. Sleep first, Floyd yawned. Its been a long night. Put the mind in gear, Jim! I shouted at myself, my words loud in audience. Hear that, Iron John? You can go back to your old job at"

Oh and I guess my holdout against labels isn't going to fly so I'm going to label my posts.

Foodie Nation (rep your set)

2007-04-19T11:34:00.000-05:00

Well, all done uni, as soon as I can figure out all this "apply to graduate" nonsense. It should be like high school, when you're done, you're done and you're out of there. Fuck man, I still desire to crash a high school prom drunk, in my puffy jacket, caked in mud, bangin' Redman on a ghetto blaster.

Anyways, since I've been done for a week, what have I been doing? Mostly Facebook. A lot of cooking and staring at pictures of food. I now consider myself a foodie. From the library I've gotten Madhur Jaffrey's Step-by-step cooking (as opposed to the not step-by-step book which just assumes you already know how to prepare Ayam Pongtay and just makes a few helpful suggestions for next time). This book is a collection of recipes from Japan, Hong Kong, Philipines, Vietnam, Malaysia, Korea and (hm?) India.
So far I've enjoyed every recipe I've made from the cookbook. I've made bulgogi (Korean marinated beef), the aforementioned Ayam Pongtay, which is a chicken and mushroom dish in black bean sauce and her HK version of Szechuan beef, which was quite good, but I overcooked the chilies and killed the heat. Chili oil saved the left-overs.
Yeah, I am seeing a girl now, yeah, she's also a foodie, yeah, she's Japanese, but no, this is not what this is entirely about. Except the bulgogi. That was 80% to impress her.
Sometimes I get concerned that Madhur (I've come to know her by first name) is "dumbing things down" - that is, removing ingredients from her recipes she perceives that we wimpy whitefolk will find too difficult to track down or whose flavours we will find offensive and foreign. There is no real way for me to know whether she is doing this or not, as, in order to know, I would have to have a grasp of East-Asian cuisine greater to her own. My only tip-off is that I am already cooking with two "Chinese" ingredients (Garlic stalks and white pepper) which do not appear in any of her recipes. But maybe they just don't belong in HK cooking. And she does advocate the use of many products with which I am wholly unfamiliar or at least have never personally bought.
And, that said, a certain amount of "dumbing down" is absolutely necessary. As incredible as Toronto is, there are certain ingredients that cannot be gotten here. What's more, many of the dishes originate from restaurants which, of course, have different cooking methods than those available to us at home.

This brings us to Bloods and Crips. During Canada Reads, the panelists were talking about the Canadian (duh) novel, Stanley Park. In it, the author outlines two basic "schools" of foodies. (I'm paraphrasing from the show here, not the actual novel, so forgive any mistranslation if you've read the book). "Bloods" tend to want to cook things authentically. They like Chinese food and street fare, generally meat. "Crips" tend to favour fusion and experimentation. Originality and collision are the greatest principles.
I will say Red and Blue because these things run as a spectrum, as opposed to a diametric opposition. Nothing is wholly authentic, nor wholly original. I would place my objectives as generally on the red end of the spectrum, but perhaps I'm deluding myself. North America as a whole is definitely Blue. Red cooking in Canada would really mean split-pea soup and back bacon. The counter argument to that is that multiculturalism, as practiced in Toronto, creates all these different Red sets you can visit and tap in to.

And yeah, that new Apple comic is coming. I feel like Dr. Dre with Detox on this shit. High five if you got that reference. Self congratulatory high-five!

I Win Stuff

2007-04-17T00:58:00.000-05:00

First of all, yey to the new accesibility of blogger. This story may be slightly dated but author John Scalzi (who's new book comes out tomorrow– I bought a copy off the interwebs) had some extra copies of his book: "You're Not Fooling Anyone When You Take Your Laptop To A Coffee Shop: Scalzi on Writing." So he made two contests to give them away. First contest: Come up with a contest. Second contest: Win that contest. Anyways, I guess the punchline's already been spoilt by the post title....

Another thing I won was the privilege of watching Grindhouse. I don't think I'm as enthusiastic as Sam (or my housemate who said it was the best cinematic experience of his life) but it still still pretty awesome. While it is true that the whole gestalt is very important I think I liked Deathproof a lot more than the rest. It's also really cool that Zoe, the Bride's stuntwoman from Kill Bill, gets cast as herself in this movie and that she, like the movie, is pretty awesome.

Personally, I don't like the concept of post labels so I think I'll leave them out. [Edit: On second thought who am I to go against technology]

The navy was governed my rum, sodomy and the lash. We've got 2 out of 3.

2007-04-13T06:49:00.000-05:00

Hey Apes

Where is everyone? Is nothing happening in your lives or is everyone just scared/bored with blogger?

For the Easter Holiday I went with the international girls to the Buccaneers backpacker on the coast. The place wasn't nearly as interesting as the name would suggest. We didn't sleep in hammocks, they didn't serve grog and there was no plunder to be had. The weather was crap so we mostly just hung out at our house didn't do much. I read Lawrence of Arabia, which was very interesting, but no as action-y as I expected. After reading L of A I really want to visit the desert ancient city of Petra in Jordan which is carved from the red mountains. Petra is where Indiana Jones goes in Last Crusade.

During our 6 days we shared the cottage with a revolving door of other guests. There were Germans, some lecherous Israeli guys, Aussies and and several South Africans. It was more of a laid-back, family friendly place than Coffee Shack had been so there wasn't a whole lot of partying and frivolity. The bar played shitty music (vanilla ice?!?!?) and the people were lame, including a spanish guy who was one of the grossest fraggles I have ever met. His poo-dreads were especially cusy when compared to the nice clean, well maintained dreads I have seen on black people here. GROSS!!

My host family has started playing one song in a constant loop. It is the worst form of schmaltzy cheesball R&B. The song actually opens with the lyrics "Ballerina giiirl, you are so loooovely" BLEGH. More than ever I want to disable the CD player when no one is around.

The lounge had a TV so I got to watch an episode of Fresh Prince. Gawd what a fantastic show, I was in stitches. In this particular episode, Philip dismisses a juror from a high profile case. Will and Hilary bring him on the show because they think he has some inside scoop on the case but he just goes on a tirade against Philip. So good. Thank you TV for making my life bearable.

You are probably done or almost done school. That must be exciting. Let me know your summer plans. I am almost ready to send another letter. Right now I only have Leo's address but if you send your addresses I will send you mail. Like ol' timey paper-and-pen mail. F'real

Ent Dead (originally written march 16)

2007-03-24T07:17:00.000-05:00

Hey guys,

I know that I've been awful about staying in contact so far. Our access to the internet is few and far between (it's been about 6 weeks I think). Blogger isn't working today from the internet cafe so I can't even post there.

Things here a up and down. We recently spent ten days doing training at an outdoor education centre called Hobbiton because it is in the very picturesque Hogsback mountains where JRR Tolkein was born. We did the usual hikes and team building activities as well as learning 'Non Formal Education' techniques that the organization prides itself on. NFE means teaching a lesson without using a traditional linear classroom set up. When I brought up Michel Foucault's theory of the panopticon during the lesson I was met with a lot of blank stares. During the training we had a night to debate the statement "Only young people with higher education can succeed in life" I was on the 'DISAGREE' side. Ah HAH! After allowing the debate to progress very slowly and predicatably (I wasn't one of the initial speakers) I was finally given the floor and I went on a rant attacking the "ivory tower elitists who only attained their privledged station in life by exploiting the working class". Most of the volunteers had no idea what I was talking about but the international volunteers and some of the staff were in stiches with laughter. It was pretty entertaining.

During training we had a free afternoon, so myself and 4 other international volunteers (they are all female) made the 30 minute walk to the town of hobbiton and found our way to an amazing little backpackers hostel. We hung out on the patio, had a few beverages and took a dip in the pool. It was heaven. We made friends with the owner and bartender, they convinced us to stay for dinner which was mouth watering wild boar stew. After dinner the owner offered to drive us home, so we piled into the back of his truck, with some other hostel patrons in the cab. We drove up to the top of a very big hill or small mountain where there was a radio relay station. The owner got out a 5L box of wine which we cracked open and watched the sunset. The other travelers included a photog from the dept. of tourism and young guy from Red Deer, Alberta named Ben. Ben had worked as an engineer on the oil fields around Fort McMurray, then decided to sell his house, come to south africa and travel from cape town to cairo, egypt! The view and sunset were spectacular and were returned to Hobbiton with a nice warm buzz.

Unfortunately, we are really supposed to drink while with SPW. My supervisor Shupiwe came up to me after I got back
"Alex, have you been drinking?"
"I had a beer with dinner"
"Do you know that you broke the code of conduct?"
"I think so"
"Do you know what the consequences are?"
"Nope"
"Okay, thank you for being honest, goodnight"

I immediately dug out my copy of the code of conduct which said "volunteers shall not act irresponsibly with regards to drugs or alcohol while with SPW"

The next morning the 5 of us were called in for a meeting with Shupiwe and another staff member, so they could slap us on the wrist and give us a verbal warning. Apparently some of the south african vols had approached them the night before to say that the internationals had been drunk (we weren't) but they didn't expect us to be punished. We tried to argue that we had all behaved as responsible adults (for true, I was on my best behavior). Among the Xhosa people there is no concept of drinking socially, they only believe in abstinence or complete passed-out alcoholism. She said that the image that the other volunteers had of us would be tainted. We were all pretty angry for being treated like naughty children.

A couple nights later I went back to the hostel with two others, some of the staff from Hobbiton were there and they teased us about the silly restictions. One of them told us that Shupiwe had asked her to spy on us. This really put us over. So we drank anyway.

Working with the 3 other partnerships in our cluster is difficult. People here are OBSESSED with their phones! Many times I have wanted to slap people around for messing about with their phones.

This week we were doing grocery shopping in Umthatha when I had an unsettling experience. Four of us were walking up a busy street when I noticed one guy infront of me who kept looking over his shoulder at me or past me. Another guy got beside me. This made me nervous, I could tell that they had marked me as a target for a theiving. In south africa they are called bully boys. I tried to change direction to go around, but they changed formation to keep shadowing me. The sidewalk got tight as we passed between a big parked truck and a loading dock. The guy in front of me turned around and banged into me and started profusely apologizing. He had my jacket pocket half unzipped and my wallet half out. I crushed him up against the side of the truck and said "You're fucking right you're sorry" then I kneed him in the balls and walked away.

WB with his blood lust up is not good. All I could think about the last couple days has been the further violence that I would have liked to do to those guys.

Because there are jokes that I think of that other volunteers wouln't get I have been drawing MT comics.

**** SEND ME YOUR MAILING ADDRESSES AND I WILL SEND YOU LETTERS AND COMICS***

My address in case you don't already have it is:

A. Meyers
PO BOX 1925
East London
5201
South Africa

Some one please send me some Black Sabbath, Zeppelin or Iron Maiden. The people here are too earnest and god-fearing, I need some devilment back in my life. Or any north american music for that matter. If you burn a CD just give it to my parents to send. You will be my savior.

News and pictures from home are always welcome.

WB

I hate to say it

2007-03-19T15:24:00.000-05:00

But I think we've outgrown blogger. It's obviously sucking pretty fiercely right now, and I haven't the time to fix it.

What I'd rather have-- and I mentioned it before-- is a wiki format. I seriously doubt anyone will fuck with it too badly, we can have it appear in a linear format (then interlink like crazy) and I think that there'll be more to do with it.

As it is I don't really have the time more often than not to write more than a quick word here and there. A wiki would make it more possible for me to make meaningful contributions to a dialogue. I sense it would probably be true for many of us, because not many still post very often.

The first rule of Gym Class is you don't talk about Gym Class

2007-03-16T04:30:00.000-05:00

So one of my friends told me a story about her jr. high experience that really explains so much about Alberta. In Gym they had what were called "combative classes" which were basically a form of underage fight clubs. In some cases the class was divided on to two sides and there was a giagantic melee. She remembers fighting her archrival: their hands around each other's throats, the girl kneeing her in the stomach and the entire class ––and gym teacher–– watching. Definitely a practice we need to import to this province.

In women's studies we watched Little Mosque on the Prairie where I came up with the following equation:
Corner Gas + Muslims – Comedy = Little Mosque on the Prairie
Seriously, it's awful. Probably the only show that would be improved with a horrid canned laughtrack because the jokes are so solidly in that tradition (with even that short pause afterwards). The episode did have an uplifting message that people of all races and religions could bond over their shared homophobia.

Anyway, for the 30th I purpose a blog day where everybody posts. I know, crazy huh. But it just might work. We'll probably have to upgrade the blog first (and hope it survives the transition). Speaking of a closer event I hope there's good plans for St. Patrick's Day on saturday.

Speaking of St. Paddy's day, in Irish history we learnt of Micheal Collins, a will-o-the-whisp revolutionary who was alwasy one step ahead o' the British (it's said that the British once arrested all the revolutionary leaders in Dublin but Collins escaped them, then went to sleep in one of the arrested mens bed when the British were still in the house. "This is the safest bed in all of Dublin tonight" said he.) Anyway the Irish got their independence, but with a nominal shout out to the King (not even alligiance). This was too much for some dumbass republicans who plunged the country into civil war: launching a campaign of terrorism, violence and assassination (including Michael Collins). Of course they were crushed after many deaths (because the population was ~80% in favour of the status quo) and later entered the Irish Parliament, taking the oath by saying it was just an empty political gesture. And yet they were willing to have thousands of their fellow Irishmen die over this gesture. That was your random historical rant of the day.

I'm dumb

2007-03-01T00:20:00.000-05:00

So I get a take-home essay for my philosophy of math class. It's an... interesting course, I don't really understand what's happening in it and the professor is straight out of central casting: earing, black turtleneck, sipping coffee etc. Anyway, I hand it in, I'm none to confident in it and then go off to break. I get it back this week. 6.5/8. Hey, that's an A, that's good... then I pan down...

WTF? How could I get such a low mark? Then I read his comments again. Wait? Was that true? Yes. Yes it was:

So I think I'm going to drop the course. I have until friday to do so without it hitting me academically. Quite frankly there's no reason for me to keep it: I don't need it to graduate, I don't particularly enjoy it and it'll fuck up my average. So now, I guess, I have 3 free hours a week (plus all the reading and writing peripherals).

Also, you really should spend a minute and watch this smackdown (BH.TV).

Escape from Toronto... Return to LA?

2007-02-27T20:50:00.000-05:00

I haven't seen any of you guys since Halloween. Seriously a sad situation.

I've become a terrible hermit. Maybe it's just the winter months that have done it to me, but I'm just not motivated enough to venture further south than Yorkdale (with the notable exception of LA, Cali.). Mostly work has kept me from exploring this thing called "life," but it's had its perks.

As mentioned, I went to LA for work (again) just before reading week. It was only for 24 hours though (Friday and Saturday), but I didn’t have to pay for anything (except for a cab… which are really expensive in LA, by the way)! Warner Brothers and Fox Searchlight teamed up to pay for a dozen or so student journalists (two from Canada, myself and a dude who writes for the U of T paper – sorry Ryersonian! Better luck next time suckers!) to come to LA for a couple of press conferences. We were there to see The Namesake and 300.

The Namesake stars Kal Penn (of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle infamy) and I got to interview him while in LA. Nice enough guy. Held up my group interview because he had to pee (or poo, he didn't specify). He adamantly denies that the character he plays in the film (Gogol) is going through an identity crisis. Either way it doesn't matter, because the movie is not really about him, its about his parents (Indian actors from Bollywood) who completely carried the film.

300 is pretty much exactly what the previews make it look. Some dude with a 6-foot beard and a small army of 300 (that looks much more like 30 onscreen) kicking the ass of a bunch of Persian heathens. Oh, and they throw around a few pedastry jokes about the Greeks (a group which Frank Miller possible forgot the Spartans belonged to?). They also threw babies off cliffs (now I don't have to study for my ancient history exam on Thursday).

For 300 I (and a slew of other student journalists) interviewed Zack Snyder (dir.), Rodrigo Santoro (hot, hot, hot! Brazilian who plays Xerxes - would you believe that he had to wax all that off for the part?) and Gerard Butler (the Phantom, anyone? He plays Leonides in 300). Zack was a very cool, buff little film geek. Rodrigo (so hot. He was in that Baz Luhrmann directed Chanel No.5 commercial with Nicole Kidman in it - "her kiss, her smile, her perfume!") was really earnest and passionate about film and acting. Gerard was this crazy, energetic, passionate and awesome Scottish dude who kept jumping around and cracking jokes and making all of the nervous film geek reporters drool. I loved the whole thing. This is completely what I want to do for the rest of my life. Just chat it up with insane artists. Seriously the best part of the job.

Another awesome part is the completely swank hotel they put me up in. There was a TV in the bathroom and a minibar from which I could take ANYTHING from because it was all COMPED! When I arrived there I was so nervous and jet lagged that I felt like crap that’s been run over by a Hummer, so I just chilled out and watched the plasma TV from my impossibly comfy bed in their cashmere-like bath robe while waiting for room service to bring up by $20 salad. What the fuck do rich people have to complain about?

Okay, I've spent way too much time going on about this trip. I guess that’s because I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF YOU SINCE HALLOWEEN! Anyway, if anyone is planning on attending any Canadian Music Week stuff I might be able to see you there. I'm trying to get accredited for it so if you are, let me know!

Apeversary!

2007-02-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

What should be commemorated on March 30th? No, not the death of Sweedish King Gustav III and the abdication of his successor King Gustav IV Adolf (that's March 29th and I hope everyone will observe it with the solemnity it deserves). I instead speak of the 3rd anniversary of the founding of this blog. Looking at the archive of the first week of ape I was surprised at how much stuff there was (say compared to, how shall I put it, certain other time periods). And it's pretty good stuff actually. Invading Denmark! Leo's iPod quote! New Awfulism! Mocking me for not knowing what a 24 is! Three years is a pretty good time for a blog I think.

Of course given the anniversery is coming up we should probably fix Ape because Leo and Box can't post. Also, The Areas of My Expertise by Daily Showian John Hodgman (and featuring geek singer Jonathan Coultom) is free on iTunes.

Snow Day?

2007-02-14T08:29:00.000-05:00

You saw it here first, folks. I just spent 25 minutes digging out from under a bank of snow at the cafe. It's pretty rough out there. Too bad it's READING WEEK god dammit.

If it were one week hence, it'd be really good for me: I have, next wednesday, both an interview for OCAD and a huge, hour-and-a-half long presentation at York. To have the latter wiped clean for a week would be such a lovely treat.

As it is, I might need to cancel improv tonight, except that really fucks up our permits and stuff. We'll see. I don't really want to go all the fucking way up there, least of all in the goddamn snow. And anyway, it's been a long two days of play, with exceedingly weak teams. I won't name names, just in case, but it's been pretty pitiful.

By the way-- the ol' alma mater seems to have done really well this year. I've heard they're very promising, and that they're doing the old Dr. Seuss game. Maybe we'd like to go?

CANNED! From TV.

2007-02-08T00:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I tutor n'more.

Last Tuesday (not yesterday) I did the first tutoring session with The B'y at the Oakhood library. Things went remarkably well. Lah-dee-daa.

Then came Thursdaygate. I wait for The B'y in the front lobby of the Oakwood Library. 4:50. 5:00. The batteries died right at the beginning of "Doctor's Advocate", so I stood there and read all of the people on the board of Oakwood business owners. 5:15. It is meant to show how multicultural the nighbourhood is, but in fact is an annal to the overall sketchiness of both the businesses and their owners. Unshaven faces bearing scowls with missing teeth above the words "Shinky's Computer Labs Outlet", "Ukbar Good Hair". Oh, I love you, Toronto. 5:30.

Anyways, the novelty wears off and The B'y is nowhere to be found. So I go and trudge around until I find a payphone on Roger's (and really see just how sketchy the noghbourhood is, in a new light). Call the Lady for Whom I Work. She says she's surprised The B'y neuh showed up, he was very enthusiastic this marning. I start trudging home, musicless.

One block from his house, I see The B'y out on the street walking away from his house. "Hey! Hi!" No response. "The B'y!"* "BYE!" He shouts at me with en-rage and stomps away. "Bye!" I yell back, maybe angrily?

I figure I'll go to The B'y's house and see if I can crack this mysteeerious case. I talk to The B'y's Father who explains to me that The B'y was at home when he got in, yadda yadda yadda, he took away The B'y's X-BOX 360, The B'y lost his themper and wrote a note saying he was ne'er returning home again.
"Ha, ha. What a guy." **
"Here, let me pay you for waiting around the library."
"Sounds good."

I got a call that night explaining that The B'y had gone to the Eaton's Centre (I presume to window shop for athletic footwear) and returned home safe'n'sound.

Well, flashforward to Yesterday (Tuesday) and I'm in beyed and I get a phone call. Yadda yadda yadda. You were great, it's because the B'y is in a situation where he no longer can work with you yadda yadda yadda.

It's not so bad. My sisther is real excited for me, she thought it was an AWFUL job I was doing and sees this as a fantastic opportunity to move fwd with some valuable new experience. I mean, yes at times, it was pretty exhausting and angrifying. There was some satisfaction I got at times though, like with any difficult thing you do. If you succeed it means something. There's a bit of bitterness because I believe Thursdaygate and similar incidents were precipitated by a poor decision made by The Lady for Whom I Worked. I won't get into that one, but it was a choice she made in an attempt to best serve the interest of her son, so it's understandable. I warned her it wouldn't work and hey "I told you so", but I know there's certainly no malice towards me, she keeps saying how much she appreciates what I did and she's probably going to be the best reference I can grab for most job applications.

The icing on the bittersweet cake is a letter I got from The B'y today in my mailbox which she obviously forced him to write, saying he's decided it's no longer time for me to tutor him but he remembers the good times. The letter is so vague and it's still not that nice. BUT I still appreciate what his mother was trying to teach him by insisting he write that letter.
Chicken Soup Renny Soul: Something much harder to teach than arithmetic.

* - Not his real name.
** - Not exactly what I said.

P.S. My dad's come in from B.C. It's good. We're eating lots of tasty food!

"ONE CANADIAN (and 17 South Africans) DEAD"

2007-02-06T06:20:00.001-05:00

"In a horrific accident on the road from Port St. John's to Umthatha, 1 Canadian and 17 South Africans were killed when their unroadworthy taxi careened over the edge of a cliff. The vehicle fell to the valley floor and exploded. The driver, Thando Mbeki and all 17 passengers, including 21-year old Alex Meyers of Canada, died in the accident. The Meyers family, of Toronto, Canada, are suing the taxi company and the SPW, the organization that Alex was volunteering with in South Africa.

"When asked to comment the mother of one of the young South African volunteers shrugged and replied 'It's still better than dying of AIDS'. No argument there."

This didn't happen, but it was all I could think about on that journey. The whole day was pretty nightmarish. Eighteen of us squeezed into a taxi van certified for 15, no seatbelts, drivers who play chicken in the passing lanes, livestock wandering onto the road, blaring techno; this all adds up to a pretty shaky ride.

It seems that young South Africans only know 5 or six songs (all techno/house) and everyone has those songs on cassette, cd or on thier phones. Those songs seem to be played by someone in a constant loop. ALL. DAY. LONG. One of the songs sounds like a mechanical baby crying because it is being beaten by a set of bagpipes.

We had a workshop on drug abuse and the South Africans seemed either quite naive or unwilling to speak up. Only the internationals seemed to be able to speak about drugs. When I spoke up some of them gave me shadey looks. Maybe they think I will corrupt them

All the volunteers have cell phones and are checking or fiddling with them all the time it is quite annoying and distracting. Out of necessity I have finally gone and bought my first cell phone. It is a big hassle to get more airtime because so far the maximum that I've seen available at a time is 29 Rand which seem to be about 30-35 minutes of local calling.

MSN and hotmail don't seem to work from the local net cafe so I'll be making alexmeyers1@gmail my primary account. Email there. My cell phone number is 0795790283 if you decide to call or text me.

"ONE CANADIAN (and 17 South Africans) DEAD"

2007-02-06T06:20:00.000-05:00

SOCOM Strikes again!

2007-02-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

So as Social Director I have to advertising for upcoming parties. However, I suck at that. Luckily, I have a social committee (who are heralded with the sinister sounding acronym of "SOCOM") that can help me out here. Look at the difference between my draft and the final result (click on images to enlarge):

Anyway, cause Sam hasn't been pimping it here, this article is not only only funny but also has introduced me to my new favourite slur. Anothing thing that is cool is if you blank your address bar for goin' ape and paste this into it and hit enter:
javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5; DIS.top=Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);

And finally I pass this on without comment:

3/09: CHART CMW w/LAND OF TALK/CADENCE WEAPON

2007-02-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

and Pete Elkas and You Say Party! We Say Die!

Fri Mar 3/07, ten bucks.

Come on.

Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

There's something for everyone.

Quickly now.

2007-01-28T05:49:00.000-05:00

This place is wierd, monkeys are the seagulls of africa.

The old women who cook for us play Jay Z, Mos Def and NaS at 7 am.

Across the river from the resort (in the loosest sense of the word) is a backpackers hostel, at night they play all the biggest hits (J. Timberlake, Outkast, Black Eyed Peas) and some odd choices ("Peaches come in a can, they were put there by a man" and Creed [WTF?!? CREEED?!])

I'm tired of poridge for breakfast.

Got into a conversation with one of the SA vols about musical taste. I didn't have the heart to tell her that R Kelly peed of young girls.

I made a sword/walking stick out of bamboo. I'm plan to become the only white samurai in africa.

Please Let this be True

2007-01-23T08:18:00.000-05:00

This is to what I refer.

Now, I like serious in my elected government as much as anyone, but Jesus Christ, this could make for a Hell of a good season of info-tainment, on bolth sides of the border!

Also, thanks to Gmail for bringing trhis to my attention, although I normally ignore their links.

Are You Entertained?!

2007-01-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

So I went to a toga party, because it seems like that's the kinda thing you should do at least once in unviersity

It was fun though I learned why dancing in a toga can be a poor idea. I also had the thought to introduce myself as "Tiberius" though I forgot about that quickly. My housemate was, n.b. to Sam, "Septimus". Togas are a real bitch to construct though, took me a while to pierce it together.

I had a minor epiphany there actually. I've known for a while to disentangle people's political opinions from friendship, you can be friends with someone who doesn't have your opinions. In fact you probably should. But I hadn't taken that a step further to people who have political opinions that are anti-me. I've griped about some people seeing me as The Man trying to oppress democracy and such. And you know, no one likes being criticized. But I hung out with some of them at the party and they seemed pretty cool. So I'll disentangle their anti-Jacobism and try to approach them with friendship, not hostility.

COLBERT NATION!

2007-01-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

Did you see Bill O'Reilly go on Stephen Colbert?! It was, well, not THAT outrageous, but it was pretty good. That guy Colbert has done it. He's won me over in the last three months. When I first saw his show, I said, "one note joke" and "spin-off factor". I think within the last three months really, he's worked quite hard to establish his own voice and he's become quite culturally relevant. Newspapers and stuff are all flocking to quote him. He's the new American satirist since SouthPark lost momentum.

Also, I was digging through old files on my compy this morning and found these old MSN convos between Boxin' Eye and Me-an' Ben. It's funny how much things have changed and fucking depressing how little they have. "You are who you were when you got here" as Jay-Z says. Euch, Jay-Z.

What should I do with my new free time?
	Get a job, you dirty hippie!
	Some form of volunteer work?
	Sleep more.
	Work harder on other courses.
	You suck. Go die.

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